In honor of my favorite seven year old I would like to comment on one of the biggest changes in my life since his arrival.........the willing examination of bugs. I have never liked bugs, they are categorically filthy and disgusting creatures. I understand their function in this world and I am sure that God knew what He was doing when they were created, however I avoid them whenever possible. I particularly do not like to hear the squishing and exoskeleton breaking sound you get when they are stepped or mashed in a paper towel. My handling of bugs is generally by releasing them back "into the wild" although I prefer to shout to Judah to handle the issue if he is available. I do not feel like I am reversing the progress of womanhood by doing this. I am capable of handling it myself, I am choosing not to and delegating to a more willing person.
Despite this abhorrence of bugs I find myself stopping to examine many creepy things. When I started bug examination my primary motivation was that I did not want to instill in my son a fear as a small child, just as I attempt to remain calm during storms and when getting on airplanes. I have no desire for my children to labor under my stress. In efforts to appear as though bugs were "no big deal" I would calmly remark on the types of bugs we encountered when my son was a toddler........ look an ant! (or a spider, or a caterpillar, or a beetle, etc).
In classic boy fashion I no longer need to point out bugs, my son will gladly point them out to me. My new task is to look interested and attempt to answer the many questions he has regarding name and function. I believe my son has learned that bugs belong outside and one of his favorite days is the Terminix day when a very helpful man named John comes to rid my home of bugs. My son finds this activity fascinating and has been known to follow him around jabbing in the dirt to help kill bugs. We have bug books, bug flash cards, and little plastic bugs in abundance. I squelch the inner "yuck" and calmly examine the creature crawling on the deck when my son comes running. I hope one day he realizes what an effort that is for me and that my bug examination is a way to see how much I love him. To parent a seven year old boy you MUST LOVE BUGS.
(A side note on this technique - it has not been as effective on my daughter who still runs screaming from her bug wielding brother.)
Friday, August 29, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Mind Control
Last night I got an email that got under my skin. I started talking to Michelle about it, and the more I talked, the madder I got. Finally, she looked over at me and said, "don't let someone else control you." She then politely went to doing whatever it was she doing.
My initial reaction was that my wife had lost it. Me? Controlled by someone else? Please.... But then I started thinking about it. How often do we do things because of someone else? Wow. We lose our temper and say things we shouldn't when someone cuts us off while driving. We defend our decisions to do something because someone challenges our "wisdom". We go completely out of our way to make a point, when our "honor" is at stake. There are a litany of others. We do things that "just aren't us" because of someone else's behavior.
Truth is, no one should control us to a point where we do things that go against the teachings of God's will. So what if someone doesn't like me. Big deal if someone doesn't like my ideas. It doesn't matter. What does matter is our focus on God. What does matter is our love for others, and to show that love through respect, honor, and appreciation. It is definitely hard for us to stay on track; to stay focused. God calls us to do things for His glory, not others.
My initial reaction was that my wife had lost it. Me? Controlled by someone else? Please.... But then I started thinking about it. How often do we do things because of someone else? Wow. We lose our temper and say things we shouldn't when someone cuts us off while driving. We defend our decisions to do something because someone challenges our "wisdom". We go completely out of our way to make a point, when our "honor" is at stake. There are a litany of others. We do things that "just aren't us" because of someone else's behavior.
Truth is, no one should control us to a point where we do things that go against the teachings of God's will. So what if someone doesn't like me. Big deal if someone doesn't like my ideas. It doesn't matter. What does matter is our focus on God. What does matter is our love for others, and to show that love through respect, honor, and appreciation. It is definitely hard for us to stay on track; to stay focused. God calls us to do things for His glory, not others.
Friday, August 22, 2008
Turning it to God....
"...and they drew lots for them..." - Acts 1:26. I can't help but be fascinated by this verse. Its not just this verse, but the section of scripture. Its right after the Ascension, and Peter and other apostles and disciples have gathered together. Peter talks about how that the one who betrayed must be replaced (v. 22). In 21, he seems to give some requirements for this replacement: ...accompanied us all the time...". And the selection fell on two men, Joseph and Matthias. They prayed to God, and then in 1st century fashion rolled the dice.
Last night Michelle and I got into a discussion of prayer. Really, how often do we actually allow God full control of our decisions? I consider myself a rather logical individual. I don't take much to chance. I mean, my job requires that I have as much information as possible, before making a decision. I have to research things. I have to experiment. I have to collect the facts. I usually base my decisions on the knowledge that I obtain. However, at the same time I pray to God that He will guide me in my personal life; that the "correct path" will be obvious; that I will "know" the right thing to do in a particular situation. Here is where my eyebrows are starting to raise. Am I really turning over my decisions to Him? Do I allow Him full control of my life? I think I do, but I still need to see the logical choice. I have to weigh the evidence. Collect the data. Based on my understanding, I then make the decision. I say that I am allowing God to guide me, but am I really?
May be its me, but if we are not careful, we will see "God's path" where there actually is no path at all. Yesterday, a good friend of mine and myself were mountain biking. In short, I got us lost because I took a path "that I knew" would get us back to the car. However, even before we made the turn, I knew it was the wrong decision. I wanted that path to be it, because it looked easier. It looked cooler. It looked like it would turn in the direction of the car. I created an analysis that just wasn't true, and relied on my own knowledge to make a decision. We would have gotten to the car eventually, but it would have been after dark!
No doubt the bible is littered with words of wisdom of how to seek advice, obtain knowledge, seek council, etc. But how do we explain this passage out of Acts? The apostles prayed to God, then basically rolled the dice. The name that popped up, they believed was the man for the job. God made the decision by choosing the lot of Matthias. End of discussion. There was no committee to decide the best candidate. There was no reference check. There was no comparison of GPA, or numbers of publications. Don't get me wrong here though. A group did get together and looked at the individuals that met the qualifcations that had been set forth. And from what we can tell, only two men met those qualifications. But it was God who made the final decision. He picked.
I think if we are not careful we may pray to God to "show us the way", but then never really allow Him to make the decision. If it really is so obvious to us, then we shouldn't be afraid to roll the dice. What is it that we are afraid of?
Last night Michelle and I got into a discussion of prayer. Really, how often do we actually allow God full control of our decisions? I consider myself a rather logical individual. I don't take much to chance. I mean, my job requires that I have as much information as possible, before making a decision. I have to research things. I have to experiment. I have to collect the facts. I usually base my decisions on the knowledge that I obtain. However, at the same time I pray to God that He will guide me in my personal life; that the "correct path" will be obvious; that I will "know" the right thing to do in a particular situation. Here is where my eyebrows are starting to raise. Am I really turning over my decisions to Him? Do I allow Him full control of my life? I think I do, but I still need to see the logical choice. I have to weigh the evidence. Collect the data. Based on my understanding, I then make the decision. I say that I am allowing God to guide me, but am I really?
May be its me, but if we are not careful, we will see "God's path" where there actually is no path at all. Yesterday, a good friend of mine and myself were mountain biking. In short, I got us lost because I took a path "that I knew" would get us back to the car. However, even before we made the turn, I knew it was the wrong decision. I wanted that path to be it, because it looked easier. It looked cooler. It looked like it would turn in the direction of the car. I created an analysis that just wasn't true, and relied on my own knowledge to make a decision. We would have gotten to the car eventually, but it would have been after dark!
No doubt the bible is littered with words of wisdom of how to seek advice, obtain knowledge, seek council, etc. But how do we explain this passage out of Acts? The apostles prayed to God, then basically rolled the dice. The name that popped up, they believed was the man for the job. God made the decision by choosing the lot of Matthias. End of discussion. There was no committee to decide the best candidate. There was no reference check. There was no comparison of GPA, or numbers of publications. Don't get me wrong here though. A group did get together and looked at the individuals that met the qualifcations that had been set forth. And from what we can tell, only two men met those qualifications. But it was God who made the final decision. He picked.
I think if we are not careful we may pray to God to "show us the way", but then never really allow Him to make the decision. If it really is so obvious to us, then we shouldn't be afraid to roll the dice. What is it that we are afraid of?
Thursday, August 21, 2008
* Quirky Quotes
This statement I overheard last week as my children and I were in the church office. My daughter in all her 'outgoing no recognition of boundaries when others might be working' self walked into the youth ministers office and proceeded to ask him where his girl(wife) was. When Jason responded that she was at work Abigail informed him again in her no-nonsense way
"Girls don't work, only boys work"
We spend much time labeling things in our home as either boy or girl. While Judah and I have never intended to give them a narrow view of gender roles, we have nevertheless been blessed with a very girlie girl and a very sword loving boy. Our son does occasionally play in the kitchen with our daughter and she is just as likely to tackle someone who looks like they want to wrestle. These moments aside they ooze gender stereotypes at times. They are walking poster children for natural differences in the sexes. When my son was quite small and before I caved to the weapon box other play activities were encouraged. I remember a particularly funny moment(to me anyway) when my mother brought out some sidewalk chalk she had bought way before he was ready to use it and had been saving. We had finally decided he was old enough to understand the concept and practice his pre-writing skills on the patio. He picked a piece of chalk, did one little line, and while we were still admiring his line (because everything he did at that time was AMAZING) he promptly broke his chalk in two pieces. Thinking it a fluke he was given another piece. It was not a fluke. My mother raised two girls and apparently we never broke our things in half. Boys follow different rules. To this day I remind him not to break crayons, chalk, pencils, etc - at least while they are still new looking. :) Wired as more physical to the core. The flip side is my daughter who has been swimming in boy toys her whole life. The toy room is full of weapons, cars, balls, Lego's, transformers, and a few stray power rangers that have gotten by my defences. Despite the junior testosterone section she twirls and spins through it all singing to herself about how pretty she is.
We are not wired gender neutral - that is bogus on so many levels that I won't get into now - but even if I wasn't sure before I had children my mini-ninja and princess would have me convinced.
"Girls don't work, only boys work"
We spend much time labeling things in our home as either boy or girl. While Judah and I have never intended to give them a narrow view of gender roles, we have nevertheless been blessed with a very girlie girl and a very sword loving boy. Our son does occasionally play in the kitchen with our daughter and she is just as likely to tackle someone who looks like they want to wrestle. These moments aside they ooze gender stereotypes at times. They are walking poster children for natural differences in the sexes. When my son was quite small and before I caved to the weapon box other play activities were encouraged. I remember a particularly funny moment(to me anyway) when my mother brought out some sidewalk chalk she had bought way before he was ready to use it and had been saving. We had finally decided he was old enough to understand the concept and practice his pre-writing skills on the patio. He picked a piece of chalk, did one little line, and while we were still admiring his line (because everything he did at that time was AMAZING) he promptly broke his chalk in two pieces. Thinking it a fluke he was given another piece. It was not a fluke. My mother raised two girls and apparently we never broke our things in half. Boys follow different rules. To this day I remind him not to break crayons, chalk, pencils, etc - at least while they are still new looking. :) Wired as more physical to the core. The flip side is my daughter who has been swimming in boy toys her whole life. The toy room is full of weapons, cars, balls, Lego's, transformers, and a few stray power rangers that have gotten by my defences. Despite the junior testosterone section she twirls and spins through it all singing to herself about how pretty she is.
We are not wired gender neutral - that is bogus on so many levels that I won't get into now - but even if I wasn't sure before I had children my mini-ninja and princess would have me convinced.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Boys and Trucks
Michelle and I spent Friday and Saturday cleaning out the garage. It seems simple enough, however, it was actually quite daunting. I had been putting it off for about a month now, but I finally got the "its getting done" look this week. The major problem was the fact that I had my dad's 1988 F150, LONG bed in the garage. It had been in there long enough that we just basically started using the bed of the truck as storage space as well. I think the turning point was when I layed something on the hood, and said, "that's temporary".
Friday, my best friend and I went to a junkyard to retrieve a column for the truck. This was a necessary part, as I couldn't start the truck, therefore, not able to move the truck out of the garage that needed to be cleaned. Once we got to the junkyard, I was told that the column I needed was not actually on the shelf, but still in the truck out on the yard. For those of you who have never been to a junkyard, its not a place you go to immidiately after work, on a Friday, at 5pm. These guys have things to do. Enough said. I think the only reason they even talked to me was the fact that I was looking for a part for a 1988 F150. This is considered a "good year", especially since it has a V8.
On the way home, I started thinking about how in the world I was going to get the truck out of the garage. I knew that the cleaning was going to be done, and that Michelle was planning on doing it, whether the truck was in there or not. I got visions (nightmares) of me pushing that truck out of the garage, just so we could clean, then push it back in. Ouch.
Once home, I headed straight out to the garage. I climbed into the truck, and that is when the passenger door opened up. In crawled my oldest.
"Dad, whatcha doin'?"
"Trying to start the truck."
"Why?"
"So we can clean out the garage."
"What?"
"Your mom says the garage needs to be cleaned out, and that includes getting the truck out of the garage."
"What's wrong with the truck?"
"It won't start."
"Why?"
(sigh) "Because I drilled the ignition switch out of the column."
"Why did you do that?"
(Silent grown) "Its a long story. I just need to figure out how to get it started, that's all."
"How are you going to do that?"
"I am not sure yet."
About that time an idea hit me, and I reached down and pushed on the rod that engages that starter, and started the truck. My son got so excited he started jumping up and down on the seat laughing. Thank you God. I am the provider for family. I save the day. Once again, dad can do anything. My son climbs out of the truck, and heads inside, proclaiming to all that dad has started the truck. How long does this last? By the way: what is it about boys and trucks?
If you had come over to the house on Saturday, you would have seen the truck in the driveway, my son in the bed "cleening it out", me trying to find room for tools, Michelle sweeping, and my little girl throwing things away. We didn't go to Chuckie Cheese. I didn't go bike riding. Michelle didn't scrap book. The kids didn't watch cartoons. We just cleaned the garage. For some reason, we were all happy.
Sunday, I decided it was time to go get the TV. This is yet another long story, but it is still relevant. I had a teen from church go with me to help carry the TV and other essentials of the home theater system. I am getting in the truck, when I look back, and see my son standing at the door. I crank the truck, and wave at him to come on. He doesn't even wait to put his shoes on. Again, what is it about boys and trucks?
This morning, I am in the bathroom getting dressed when the door opens. In walks my son.
"You driving the truck to work today?"
"Not today."
"Why not?"
"No reason."
"Can we drive it tonight?"
"Why?"
"No reason."
What is it about boys and trucks?
Friday, my best friend and I went to a junkyard to retrieve a column for the truck. This was a necessary part, as I couldn't start the truck, therefore, not able to move the truck out of the garage that needed to be cleaned. Once we got to the junkyard, I was told that the column I needed was not actually on the shelf, but still in the truck out on the yard. For those of you who have never been to a junkyard, its not a place you go to immidiately after work, on a Friday, at 5pm. These guys have things to do. Enough said. I think the only reason they even talked to me was the fact that I was looking for a part for a 1988 F150. This is considered a "good year", especially since it has a V8.
On the way home, I started thinking about how in the world I was going to get the truck out of the garage. I knew that the cleaning was going to be done, and that Michelle was planning on doing it, whether the truck was in there or not. I got visions (nightmares) of me pushing that truck out of the garage, just so we could clean, then push it back in. Ouch.
Once home, I headed straight out to the garage. I climbed into the truck, and that is when the passenger door opened up. In crawled my oldest.
"Dad, whatcha doin'?"
"Trying to start the truck."
"Why?"
"So we can clean out the garage."
"What?"
"Your mom says the garage needs to be cleaned out, and that includes getting the truck out of the garage."
"What's wrong with the truck?"
"It won't start."
"Why?"
(sigh) "Because I drilled the ignition switch out of the column."
"Why did you do that?"
(Silent grown) "Its a long story. I just need to figure out how to get it started, that's all."
"How are you going to do that?"
"I am not sure yet."
About that time an idea hit me, and I reached down and pushed on the rod that engages that starter, and started the truck. My son got so excited he started jumping up and down on the seat laughing. Thank you God. I am the provider for family. I save the day. Once again, dad can do anything. My son climbs out of the truck, and heads inside, proclaiming to all that dad has started the truck. How long does this last? By the way: what is it about boys and trucks?
If you had come over to the house on Saturday, you would have seen the truck in the driveway, my son in the bed "cleening it out", me trying to find room for tools, Michelle sweeping, and my little girl throwing things away. We didn't go to Chuckie Cheese. I didn't go bike riding. Michelle didn't scrap book. The kids didn't watch cartoons. We just cleaned the garage. For some reason, we were all happy.
Sunday, I decided it was time to go get the TV. This is yet another long story, but it is still relevant. I had a teen from church go with me to help carry the TV and other essentials of the home theater system. I am getting in the truck, when I look back, and see my son standing at the door. I crank the truck, and wave at him to come on. He doesn't even wait to put his shoes on. Again, what is it about boys and trucks?
This morning, I am in the bathroom getting dressed when the door opens. In walks my son.
"You driving the truck to work today?"
"Not today."
"Why not?"
"No reason."
"Can we drive it tonight?"
"Why?"
"No reason."
What is it about boys and trucks?
Friday, August 15, 2008
* Random Mom Jobs
While I would never say I was completely prepared for parenting - I do not think I went into the role blindly or with unreasonable expectations. I did not expect perfection from myself, from my husband, or even baby. There have been many surprises and some really unpleasant days, but what amazes me sometimes is not what I would have expected. I was amazed on the day of David's birth by an overwhelming feeling of permanence. The weight of that emotion which was neither positive nor negative really shook my thinking for a while. I still feel that weight in the back of my mind at all times, but now my amazement comes from the details of motherhood that never made it into a "what to expect when......" book or any article on parenting I have ever read.
And let me say that the details are not terribly flashy. I once told a friend expecting her first child. "Do you realize that over the next several years you will be responsible for the maintenance of someone else's fingernails?" My friend likely thought I was being a bit silly but that task has been my benchmark for all the unexpected "stuff" that comes from caring for children. Children grow fingernails at a great rate and keeping up with them, keeping them adequately trimmed so they don't rip off or get encrusted with mud(for those of us with boys who dig holes for fun) takes more time than I would ever have imagined.
My life is full of random mom jobs, only one of which is cutting fingernails at least once a week. (Random mom job #1)
I also spend time thinking about green vegetables and whether we have had any recently. (#2)
Even though my children take themselves to the bathroom I still spend mental energy on their bowel and bladder habits, watching for signs of illness or who knows what else. (#3)
Another random job that I never thought about before kids is sitting in the car with children who would like to be released from their car seats while their dad runs into a store. The sitting in the car technique sounds like a good plan for speeding up the errand and avoiding the unbuckling and herding involved when children go inside a store. However the time stream moves infinitely slower for the person in the car, usually me, and what sounded like a good idea often ends in shortened tempers all around. (#16)
I put a lot of things into containers - there is a great deal of packing involved in being a mother. I pack lunches, backpacks, suitcases, toy bags, quiet bags, and snack bags for long trips, etc etc etc. We have a container system for toys in the house also. Dress up box, weapons box (a must), transformers box, train box, ball box, purse box, etc etc etc. I put a lot of things into these boxes in a given day. (#27)
Random mom job #32 - finder of lost items, keys, sword, purse, small piece of string (!!!) essential to the imaginative play scenario in my oldest child's head.
I also remove splinters(#56), brush out ketchup tangles(#68), and answer at least 1000 questions a day(#1000)
All in all my job is fluid, unpredictable at times, but also returning to the same patterns over and over. I am a smoother of wrinkles in the flow of our day. I am a remover of obstacles before they cause a problem. I am a performer of random mom jobs.
And let me say that the details are not terribly flashy. I once told a friend expecting her first child. "Do you realize that over the next several years you will be responsible for the maintenance of someone else's fingernails?" My friend likely thought I was being a bit silly but that task has been my benchmark for all the unexpected "stuff" that comes from caring for children. Children grow fingernails at a great rate and keeping up with them, keeping them adequately trimmed so they don't rip off or get encrusted with mud(for those of us with boys who dig holes for fun) takes more time than I would ever have imagined.
My life is full of random mom jobs, only one of which is cutting fingernails at least once a week. (Random mom job #1)
I also spend time thinking about green vegetables and whether we have had any recently. (#2)
Even though my children take themselves to the bathroom I still spend mental energy on their bowel and bladder habits, watching for signs of illness or who knows what else. (#3)
Another random job that I never thought about before kids is sitting in the car with children who would like to be released from their car seats while their dad runs into a store. The sitting in the car technique sounds like a good plan for speeding up the errand and avoiding the unbuckling and herding involved when children go inside a store. However the time stream moves infinitely slower for the person in the car, usually me, and what sounded like a good idea often ends in shortened tempers all around. (#16)
I put a lot of things into containers - there is a great deal of packing involved in being a mother. I pack lunches, backpacks, suitcases, toy bags, quiet bags, and snack bags for long trips, etc etc etc. We have a container system for toys in the house also. Dress up box, weapons box (a must), transformers box, train box, ball box, purse box, etc etc etc. I put a lot of things into these boxes in a given day. (#27)
Random mom job #32 - finder of lost items, keys, sword, purse, small piece of string (!!!) essential to the imaginative play scenario in my oldest child's head.
I also remove splinters(#56), brush out ketchup tangles(#68), and answer at least 1000 questions a day(#1000)
All in all my job is fluid, unpredictable at times, but also returning to the same patterns over and over. I am a smoother of wrinkles in the flow of our day. I am a remover of obstacles before they cause a problem. I am a performer of random mom jobs.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
* Still Rocking...
Some of my favorite moments from childhood were when my mom sang in order to put me to sleep, pushing my hair away from my face, and overall being very calm and relaxing - exactly how we should all get to fall asleep after a hard day. The songs varied but a few were favorites and have stuck in my memory. Particularly "Where Have All the Flowers Gone?" "I Gave My Love a Cherry" and "Tell Me Why." I have no idea if those are the correct names or who wrote them so I can not give them the appropriate credit, but whoever they are I am sure they did not sing them as well as my mom.
I have always imagined singing to my children to put them to sleep, but somehow never really did that with David. He has always been such a champion sleeper he never seemed to need it. Along comes Abigail and she was not such a champion sleeper, not even making it out of the first heat in that race. Finally someone who needed the singing and rocking and hair smoothing I always imagined motherhood looked like. We have had many great times singing and rocking before naps and bedtime. We are basically down to just naps now. My patience is admittedly a bit shorter at bedtime, since that is the time I finally seem to go off duty. One of the perks of stay at home motherhood is that your day never ends. Did I call that a perk? :) Anyway the nap time rocking continues and I have begun to think about when that exactly stops. We are well past infant and even toddler stages. She is able to request her songs for the day, labeled the cherry song or the flower song, or even requests of her own "Jesus Loves Me" in particular. She also requests songs not yet written, such as the butterfly song and the popular 'Abigail is a princess' song. The fact that these songs are not yet written does not deter her in any way. (Teenage boys in the future look out - here is a girl that knows what she wants and will not be tricked into anything, a fact that gives me comfort in thinking about those boys in the future)
I think I held onto this tradition because I was unsure if Abigail would be my last baby and I was savoring every moment - and while it is no longer a baby thing, it is our thing. No boys, no other distractions, one quiet moment for "just the girls." There are many days when I sit down in teh rocking cahir that I just don't want to do it - I just want her to go take a nap quickly, the rocking takes quite some time. And there are days when I actually don't do it, but most of the time I do because at the end of the song/songs we are both calmer. So, we are still rocking...........
I have always imagined singing to my children to put them to sleep, but somehow never really did that with David. He has always been such a champion sleeper he never seemed to need it. Along comes Abigail and she was not such a champion sleeper, not even making it out of the first heat in that race. Finally someone who needed the singing and rocking and hair smoothing I always imagined motherhood looked like. We have had many great times singing and rocking before naps and bedtime. We are basically down to just naps now. My patience is admittedly a bit shorter at bedtime, since that is the time I finally seem to go off duty. One of the perks of stay at home motherhood is that your day never ends. Did I call that a perk? :) Anyway the nap time rocking continues and I have begun to think about when that exactly stops. We are well past infant and even toddler stages. She is able to request her songs for the day, labeled the cherry song or the flower song, or even requests of her own "Jesus Loves Me" in particular. She also requests songs not yet written, such as the butterfly song and the popular 'Abigail is a princess' song. The fact that these songs are not yet written does not deter her in any way. (Teenage boys in the future look out - here is a girl that knows what she wants and will not be tricked into anything, a fact that gives me comfort in thinking about those boys in the future)
I think I held onto this tradition because I was unsure if Abigail would be my last baby and I was savoring every moment - and while it is no longer a baby thing, it is our thing. No boys, no other distractions, one quiet moment for "just the girls." There are many days when I sit down in teh rocking cahir that I just don't want to do it - I just want her to go take a nap quickly, the rocking takes quite some time. And there are days when I actually don't do it, but most of the time I do because at the end of the song/songs we are both calmer. So, we are still rocking...........
* First Day of School
We had a "parent conference" last night at the school my oldest attends. This is one of those events that usually is labeled "send the wife" in my head. Previously, I had found these types of evenings rather uneventful. No offense here, but it is mostly moms (stay at home moms at that), and there are not a lot of guys where I can sit back and talk about the game, or currently the olympics. I can't help it. My mind is elsewhere. I've got things to do.
However, this evening was different. For some reason, I felt "compelled" to go this year. Call it me maturing, or gaining a better appreciation for what Michelle does during the day. I am not really sure. Whatever the reason, I felt like I needed to be there. Upon arrival, all the parents were brought in to listen to the head master. And that is when it happened. The head master prayed about 3 times while speaking to the parents. Not only that, but he also read scripture that higlighted their belief structure at the school. Our oldest is part of a homeschool co-op that focuses on biblical teachings, while educating its students in reading, mathematics, science, history, etc. The head master prayed for our children. He prayed for our families. He prayed for the teachers and staff. He quoted scripture! Give me an example of that happening in public schools today.
The concept of public schools is flawed when parents allow the school total control of their childrens' education. It is so easy for us to just drop our kids off and not worry about it. "The school knows best". "They are taken care of". "We just need to make sure they do the hoemwork, and don't get detention". I have nothing against public schools, as long as they do not actively go against the beliefs that I teach my kids. Public schools have their place in our culture, but they can not take away the responsiblity that a parent has to "raise up a child in the way he/she should go". Look, I am not saying that everyone is commanded to home school their children. However, I am saying that everyone should be responsible for what their children are learning. Get involved. Go to parent teacher nights. What is the curriculum? Is the child able to speak his/her mind? Are they graded based on opinion? Are they being taught that certain morally wrong choices are in fact OK?
On the way home, I listened to Bortz, and he was on his usual rant about "Government Indoctrination Centers" (i.e. public schools). Knoxville is blessed with some amazing school systems, but I can't help but look at how even they have taken God out of education. It's true that we should educate our children as best as possible, but we can't sacrifice that education by removing God from the equation.
Probably the most important chapter in the bible in regards to raising children is in Deuteronomy chatper 6. God commands us to teach our children His laws; to talk about them when we are sitting at home; to talk about them when we are walking; to write them on our door frames. I think the 21st centruy version would be to discuss God while we are driving to grandmas; to talk about what God thinks about our decisions while taking apart a jetski motor; to talk about how God created the stars in the sky while we are sitting in our hammock in the backyard; to discuss how there are bad people in the world, and that God will deal with them, when we are watching the history channel. You see, God doesn't require us to have children, but He does require us to raise them a certain way. Knowing what our children are learning is only part of it.
However, this evening was different. For some reason, I felt "compelled" to go this year. Call it me maturing, or gaining a better appreciation for what Michelle does during the day. I am not really sure. Whatever the reason, I felt like I needed to be there. Upon arrival, all the parents were brought in to listen to the head master. And that is when it happened. The head master prayed about 3 times while speaking to the parents. Not only that, but he also read scripture that higlighted their belief structure at the school. Our oldest is part of a homeschool co-op that focuses on biblical teachings, while educating its students in reading, mathematics, science, history, etc. The head master prayed for our children. He prayed for our families. He prayed for the teachers and staff. He quoted scripture! Give me an example of that happening in public schools today.
The concept of public schools is flawed when parents allow the school total control of their childrens' education. It is so easy for us to just drop our kids off and not worry about it. "The school knows best". "They are taken care of". "We just need to make sure they do the hoemwork, and don't get detention". I have nothing against public schools, as long as they do not actively go against the beliefs that I teach my kids. Public schools have their place in our culture, but they can not take away the responsiblity that a parent has to "raise up a child in the way he/she should go". Look, I am not saying that everyone is commanded to home school their children. However, I am saying that everyone should be responsible for what their children are learning. Get involved. Go to parent teacher nights. What is the curriculum? Is the child able to speak his/her mind? Are they graded based on opinion? Are they being taught that certain morally wrong choices are in fact OK?
On the way home, I listened to Bortz, and he was on his usual rant about "Government Indoctrination Centers" (i.e. public schools). Knoxville is blessed with some amazing school systems, but I can't help but look at how even they have taken God out of education. It's true that we should educate our children as best as possible, but we can't sacrifice that education by removing God from the equation.
Probably the most important chapter in the bible in regards to raising children is in Deuteronomy chatper 6. God commands us to teach our children His laws; to talk about them when we are sitting at home; to talk about them when we are walking; to write them on our door frames. I think the 21st centruy version would be to discuss God while we are driving to grandmas; to talk about what God thinks about our decisions while taking apart a jetski motor; to talk about how God created the stars in the sky while we are sitting in our hammock in the backyard; to discuss how there are bad people in the world, and that God will deal with them, when we are watching the history channel. You see, God doesn't require us to have children, but He does require us to raise them a certain way. Knowing what our children are learning is only part of it.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
* Quirky Quotes
Not sure if I am loving my title of quirky quotes today as I realize that many of the things my children say are not quite quirky. They are quite probably not even interesting to others, but even so here we are again. This installment stars my son who seems at times to come up with random statements or questions, many of which surprise me as I was never a boy and just don't think like one. Again his words yesterday were not so much quirky as they were a perfect representation of where he is in life.
While I was cleaning the kitchen (which is an important detail for several reasons, first to establish that I do clean the kitchen and secondly to demonstrate that I was not prepared in any way for the question my son posed)...... While cleaning the kitchen my son approaches and in all seriousness asks
"Mom........Can I have a ladder?"
"Why do you need a ladder?"
"So I can get a sword............"
Pause
"Off the roof"
Pause
"No"
Son MARCHES Off
"Go tell you Dad" I shout down the hall
As with most unexpected statements I often think back to how we came to that conversation. David is playing in the backyard with swords, not an uncommon event, and launches one into the sky, again not so much an uncommon event, and it lands on the roof. He looks around. Notices the ladder still out from gutter cleaning, that luckily for us in future years he found totally fascinating. He looks between the ladder and the roof several times and thinks "Yeah - I can do that" He now reenters the house to pose his question. I am thankful on so many levels that he came to ask the question instead of the alternative.
Minutes after David's rejection I see through the window Judah climbing the ladder to retrieve the errant sword. Just another ordinary day.
While I was cleaning the kitchen (which is an important detail for several reasons, first to establish that I do clean the kitchen and secondly to demonstrate that I was not prepared in any way for the question my son posed)...... While cleaning the kitchen my son approaches and in all seriousness asks
"Mom........Can I have a ladder?"
"Why do you need a ladder?"
"So I can get a sword............"
Pause
"Off the roof"
Pause
"No"
Son MARCHES Off
"Go tell you Dad" I shout down the hall
As with most unexpected statements I often think back to how we came to that conversation. David is playing in the backyard with swords, not an uncommon event, and launches one into the sky, again not so much an uncommon event, and it lands on the roof. He looks around. Notices the ladder still out from gutter cleaning, that luckily for us in future years he found totally fascinating. He looks between the ladder and the roof several times and thinks "Yeah - I can do that" He now reenters the house to pose his question. I am thankful on so many levels that he came to ask the question instead of the alternative.
Minutes after David's rejection I see through the window Judah climbing the ladder to retrieve the errant sword. Just another ordinary day.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Charity
Many of you know that Michelle and I went on a mission trip last month with our congregation. If you have never done anything like this, you really should. It gives you a true understanding of how good "we" have it, compared to how "others" have it. During this trip, I started paying attention to thoughts that were making me uncomfortable. Particularly - helping others, and having a thought in the back of my head that says, "what are they really going to do with that money? Do they really appreciate what I am doing for them?" It's on a mission trip, where you are pouring your heart and soul into helping others, that these thoughts seem to creep up. After the mission trip, I began to take note of the times that Michelle and I gave to those who were in need either out of our time, food, gas, or money. It was as if God saw an opportunity to give me a life lesson once again. But it was the "money" instances that I particularly seemed to question.....
What is it about giving money that makes us question others' motives for what they will do with what we give them? How is it we can make a 7 course meal for someone, spend countless hours watching their kids while they go and apply to jobs, take them on numerous errands, and even pay their electric bill and not question any of these acts, but when it comes to digging in our pockets, we start to question their motives? We take a breather, and ask, "well now hold on. What are they going to actually do with this money? How do I know they are not going to buy some beer, or get high? It is as if we are asking the question, "Are they worthy of the money I am giving them?" Is that really what we are saying? IF we are able to give, why can we not just GIVE?
Oddly enough, I have yet to find a single passage where God tells us to question the motives of those we give to. Now, granted their are numerous verses in the bible that talk about dealing with "fools", but is that what Jesus is meaning? Truth is, I don't know. I have lost a lot of sleep over this the last few months. Why can I not give cheerfully to those that I don't trust? Sure, if we aren't careful we enable people. We basically teach them that if all they do is ask the right people, then they will get what they ask for. There is a part of us that wants to teach them HOW to take care of themselves. We want to show them "there is a better way". Is that true, or is there a tiny voice inside of us that says, "this is my money. I earned it. What did you do today to deserve it?"
As I said for me, I think the reality is that others have to earn my trust. If I am going to give you money, then I trust that you are going to use my money appropriately. In other words, I want to see a good return on my investment. If I require something of you when I "give" you money, am I really giving my money away? I think the answer is an obvious no. To give something away means to literally let go and forget about it.
One night while we were on the mission trip, I had a long debate (discussion) about this very topic with a good friend of mine. We both agreed that we felt we were generous people(and who doesn't think they are genreaous), but we decided that our amount of generosity seemed to be directly related to the level of appreciation to those receiving it. Again, I am still looking for the biblical verse where Jesus talks about extenuating circumstances and giving. I'll be honest; I am not very good about giving money to those I don't trust. I prefer to take them to the gas station if they need gas, or take them to the grocery store if they need food. I rarely give money directly. But I can't help but ask myself, "how would Jesus handle that situation?" I WANT Jesus to sit there and ask them a hundred questions about the reason for asking for the money. I WANT Jesus to try and catch them in lies, so he can justify not giving them the money. I WANT Jesus to tell them they don't deserve it, because they would use the money for something else. I am not sure that is what Jeuss would do, though.
I think the main part of the problem here is that I have been saying "my money", not God's money. If I am really honest with myself, I would say that my problem starts there. God tells us to be smart with our money (good stewards"), but he also says to give cheerfully. God cares about what is in our heart. He cares more about why we give, than how much we give. If we can give, and someone asks us for money, why shouldn't we give?
What is it about giving money that makes us question others' motives for what they will do with what we give them? How is it we can make a 7 course meal for someone, spend countless hours watching their kids while they go and apply to jobs, take them on numerous errands, and even pay their electric bill and not question any of these acts, but when it comes to digging in our pockets, we start to question their motives? We take a breather, and ask, "well now hold on. What are they going to actually do with this money? How do I know they are not going to buy some beer, or get high? It is as if we are asking the question, "Are they worthy of the money I am giving them?" Is that really what we are saying? IF we are able to give, why can we not just GIVE?
Oddly enough, I have yet to find a single passage where God tells us to question the motives of those we give to. Now, granted their are numerous verses in the bible that talk about dealing with "fools", but is that what Jesus is meaning? Truth is, I don't know. I have lost a lot of sleep over this the last few months. Why can I not give cheerfully to those that I don't trust? Sure, if we aren't careful we enable people. We basically teach them that if all they do is ask the right people, then they will get what they ask for. There is a part of us that wants to teach them HOW to take care of themselves. We want to show them "there is a better way". Is that true, or is there a tiny voice inside of us that says, "this is my money. I earned it. What did you do today to deserve it?"
As I said for me, I think the reality is that others have to earn my trust. If I am going to give you money, then I trust that you are going to use my money appropriately. In other words, I want to see a good return on my investment. If I require something of you when I "give" you money, am I really giving my money away? I think the answer is an obvious no. To give something away means to literally let go and forget about it.
One night while we were on the mission trip, I had a long debate (discussion) about this very topic with a good friend of mine. We both agreed that we felt we were generous people(and who doesn't think they are genreaous), but we decided that our amount of generosity seemed to be directly related to the level of appreciation to those receiving it. Again, I am still looking for the biblical verse where Jesus talks about extenuating circumstances and giving. I'll be honest; I am not very good about giving money to those I don't trust. I prefer to take them to the gas station if they need gas, or take them to the grocery store if they need food. I rarely give money directly. But I can't help but ask myself, "how would Jesus handle that situation?" I WANT Jesus to sit there and ask them a hundred questions about the reason for asking for the money. I WANT Jesus to try and catch them in lies, so he can justify not giving them the money. I WANT Jesus to tell them they don't deserve it, because they would use the money for something else. I am not sure that is what Jeuss would do, though.
I think the main part of the problem here is that I have been saying "my money", not God's money. If I am really honest with myself, I would say that my problem starts there. God tells us to be smart with our money (good stewards"), but he also says to give cheerfully. God cares about what is in our heart. He cares more about why we give, than how much we give. If we can give, and someone asks us for money, why shouldn't we give?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
The Good Ol' Days
Yesterday my best friend from high school called to let me know that one of our friends growing up was moving in to house down the street from my house. What a coincidence! We talked for close to 10 minutes, and this discussion brought back a flurry of stories and adventures of the "goold ol' days." High school was an amazing time for me, as it was for most people. I have numerous stories during this period of my life. Most of them absolutely hillarious, some extremely dangerous, and a few just flat out heart breaking.
This same evening, Michelle and I hosted some teens from church at our house. This hosting has become somewhat of a tradition with them, as well as with us. We love sitting around with them, listening to them talk about their "good ol' days". They sometimes ask about our experiences in high school, and we share when appropriate. For the most part, however, Michelle and I really try to limit talking about our life and just listening to them. We do our best to make this particular evening about them.
Last night was real interesting, as this will be the last "dinner" that we will host for these guys before they go off to college. At one point it kind of hit them all at the same time that this would be the case. "This is our last senior dinner at the Wilkins' house", one of them said with a really big frown. However, minutes later they were laughing about what one of them did a few months ago. Moments later, the drama had passed, and they were discussing normal topics again: movies, soon to be roommates, schedules, dating, etc.
A wise man told me a long time ago that if you believe the best of days of your life are behind you, then you are not living. The rock band, Green Day has a awesome song entitled, "These are the best Days of Your Life". The problem is, if the best days of our lives are behind us, what does that say about our relationship with Jesus? We have to keep living each day as "as if it was our last". We have to be careful and not get legalistic with this phrase. Yes, Jesus is coming back and we don't know when. The bible teaches us to be ready at any moment. But there is a huge difference between living a life out of fear of being punished, and living a life trying to experience everything that God created. God's intent of telling us to be ready was not for us to focus on every rule and law that He mentions in the bible. His intent was not for us to sacrifice experiencing adventures, so that we can complete a check list of Christian rules and regulations. Christianity is not a checklist, and if we live our life that way, we are missing the point of being a Christian. There are things we should and should not do, and the bible is very clear about these things. But the bible is just as clear about the fact that we should live our life out of gratitude for what God did so that everyone has a chance to be saved. I think we should ask ourselves questions like, "is Jesus a part of my life today? Am I happier (content) now than a few years ago? If I were to live life to the fullest, what would it look like? Who would be involved?
That same wise man told me that the best way to live my life is as if your best days were before you. I am still not real sure how to do that, but I think I am getting better. My son asked me this weekend where we were going to ski this year. So this morning, I find myself counting up my vacation days....
This same evening, Michelle and I hosted some teens from church at our house. This hosting has become somewhat of a tradition with them, as well as with us. We love sitting around with them, listening to them talk about their "good ol' days". They sometimes ask about our experiences in high school, and we share when appropriate. For the most part, however, Michelle and I really try to limit talking about our life and just listening to them. We do our best to make this particular evening about them.
Last night was real interesting, as this will be the last "dinner" that we will host for these guys before they go off to college. At one point it kind of hit them all at the same time that this would be the case. "This is our last senior dinner at the Wilkins' house", one of them said with a really big frown. However, minutes later they were laughing about what one of them did a few months ago. Moments later, the drama had passed, and they were discussing normal topics again: movies, soon to be roommates, schedules, dating, etc.
A wise man told me a long time ago that if you believe the best of days of your life are behind you, then you are not living. The rock band, Green Day has a awesome song entitled, "These are the best Days of Your Life". The problem is, if the best days of our lives are behind us, what does that say about our relationship with Jesus? We have to keep living each day as "as if it was our last". We have to be careful and not get legalistic with this phrase. Yes, Jesus is coming back and we don't know when. The bible teaches us to be ready at any moment. But there is a huge difference between living a life out of fear of being punished, and living a life trying to experience everything that God created. God's intent of telling us to be ready was not for us to focus on every rule and law that He mentions in the bible. His intent was not for us to sacrifice experiencing adventures, so that we can complete a check list of Christian rules and regulations. Christianity is not a checklist, and if we live our life that way, we are missing the point of being a Christian. There are things we should and should not do, and the bible is very clear about these things. But the bible is just as clear about the fact that we should live our life out of gratitude for what God did so that everyone has a chance to be saved. I think we should ask ourselves questions like, "is Jesus a part of my life today? Am I happier (content) now than a few years ago? If I were to live life to the fullest, what would it look like? Who would be involved?
That same wise man told me that the best way to live my life is as if your best days were before you. I am still not real sure how to do that, but I think I am getting better. My son asked me this weekend where we were going to ski this year. So this morning, I find myself counting up my vacation days....
Monday, August 4, 2008
* Quirky Quotes
I am going to post again today! This is not likely to become a habit but I wanted to give some equal time to my daughter since I just talked about my son. I also had been thinking about doing something with a consistent title so I would have a topic to add to each week or so, whenever that topic came back up. Mulling it over I picked unusual quotes from my children because being a mom is most of what I do and I couldn't think of anything more clever.
My first quote occured late last week during one of Abigail's many wardrobe changes during the day. I think it emphasizes the struggle with communication we all feel at times. Children can be very concrete thinkers and sometimes there expressive language is behind their thinking and comprehension. Abigail is quite the talker so it was interesting to see her struggle for words. Long story but anyway....Abigail wished to change from a dress into her bathing suit to swim in the little pool we buy over and over every summer. I sent her upstairs with permission and the suit. Several minutes later she was still in the dress. The kids pool now full and ready, I issued an "order" to change her clothes and she marched upstairs again. Several minutes pass and she comes down still in the dress. Now irritated I march with her upstairs (how did marching become the word for walking irritably?) and order her again to change her clothes. At this point she turns around saying "I have these" and shows me the bow and the buttons and with little three year old tears of frustration turns around again flailing her arms and says, "but my arms are up here"
Now other folks may not find that as entertaining as I did but there was so much in that little statement. "I wanted to take off my dress mother, really I did, but you forgot that it buttons in the back and I can not reach them. I have been up here forever turning in circles trying to reach the buttons and I just can't do it anymore. Instead of helping me you marched and now I am overwhelmed and I still can't reach the buttons because................my arms are up here!"
We quickly changed clothes and had a great time in the yard, many pictures taken and irritation forgotten by Abigail.
My first quote occured late last week during one of Abigail's many wardrobe changes during the day. I think it emphasizes the struggle with communication we all feel at times. Children can be very concrete thinkers and sometimes there expressive language is behind their thinking and comprehension. Abigail is quite the talker so it was interesting to see her struggle for words. Long story but anyway....Abigail wished to change from a dress into her bathing suit to swim in the little pool we buy over and over every summer. I sent her upstairs with permission and the suit. Several minutes later she was still in the dress. The kids pool now full and ready, I issued an "order" to change her clothes and she marched upstairs again. Several minutes pass and she comes down still in the dress. Now irritated I march with her upstairs (how did marching become the word for walking irritably?) and order her again to change her clothes. At this point she turns around saying "I have these" and shows me the bow and the buttons and with little three year old tears of frustration turns around again flailing her arms and says, "but my arms are up here"
Now other folks may not find that as entertaining as I did but there was so much in that little statement. "I wanted to take off my dress mother, really I did, but you forgot that it buttons in the back and I can not reach them. I have been up here forever turning in circles trying to reach the buttons and I just can't do it anymore. Instead of helping me you marched and now I am overwhelmed and I still can't reach the buttons because................my arms are up here!"
We quickly changed clothes and had a great time in the yard, many pictures taken and irritation forgotten by Abigail.
* One of the Reasons I Miss School.....
I admit I was made for school, or at least school was made for me. I realize that is neither a popular nor a completely politically correct point of view but it is true. The classroom struture, desks in rows, alphabetical order, schedules, worksheets, grades- all of it appeals to me. My brain chemistry eats that stuff up. Many people were not made to thrive in that environment and thusly our decision to homeschool our son at this time. I will happily discuss why I am a big fan of our homeschool co-op at some point but that was not my intent of writing today.
We went school shopping for first grade today and we had a fabulous time. I missed school shopping for the years I was out of school and I am thrilled to be there again - with lists of things that need to be checked off and items to be later labeled with a Sharpie. New school supplies shout potential and promise. The best day is the first day when everything is organized and new and sharpened if appropriate. I will spend later days contentedly labeling and packing in the backpack. (At this time I will forget the chaos of the pencil box at the end of the year, nothing in its place, nothing clean anymore, all covered in a fine graphite dust)
David was much more into the process this year and walked around with the list and checked things off. (He loves to check things off a list, where did that come from I wonder :)) The highlight however was the backpack choosing. I wasn't sure if I was going to buy another one, thinking that last years was sufficient; but David very clearly explained why a new one was needed, and in my excitement of the moment I agreed. I did however hold out on the lunchbox purchase. He got two out of me last year and this year I stuck to my guns. The Transformers one will have to do, so we bought a black/white backpack that will "match." The completion of our shopping ends with David dragging the backpack out to the car - not in a bag. I love that picture, the excitement, the newness, the anticipation. Today we love the backpack. Next year at this time I am sure I will be told precisely why it just won't do, but not today. $17.99 of pure school excitement. I miss school.......
We went school shopping for first grade today and we had a fabulous time. I missed school shopping for the years I was out of school and I am thrilled to be there again - with lists of things that need to be checked off and items to be later labeled with a Sharpie. New school supplies shout potential and promise. The best day is the first day when everything is organized and new and sharpened if appropriate. I will spend later days contentedly labeling and packing in the backpack. (At this time I will forget the chaos of the pencil box at the end of the year, nothing in its place, nothing clean anymore, all covered in a fine graphite dust)
David was much more into the process this year and walked around with the list and checked things off. (He loves to check things off a list, where did that come from I wonder :)) The highlight however was the backpack choosing. I wasn't sure if I was going to buy another one, thinking that last years was sufficient; but David very clearly explained why a new one was needed, and in my excitement of the moment I agreed. I did however hold out on the lunchbox purchase. He got two out of me last year and this year I stuck to my guns. The Transformers one will have to do, so we bought a black/white backpack that will "match." The completion of our shopping ends with David dragging the backpack out to the car - not in a bag. I love that picture, the excitement, the newness, the anticipation. Today we love the backpack. Next year at this time I am sure I will be told precisely why it just won't do, but not today. $17.99 of pure school excitement. I miss school.......
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