40 Days of Sabbath from Social Media (SOME of What I have Learned)

I have been planning to do this for some time now. I can’t really point my finger to any specific thing that led me to fast for 40 days from social media. It more or less kind of grew on its own. But for whatever reason, I decided to “go dark” on September 24, 2011 for 40 days.

A little background: For a few months I noticed having a hard time focusing. It was requiring way too much effort to focus on one basic task in a given day. I noticed I was texting, checking my twitter feed, sending tweets, checking facebook, posting to facebook, making sure my twitter feed and facebook were synced, posting to my blog, checking my facebook, etc. All while trying to concentrate on the basic of tasks. If I were to be honest, I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed with trying to stay in contact with everyone. I was overwhelmed with trying to communicate things to others. And that is why I began to ask the questions: why do I post things on line? What is my ultimate motivation for posting anything (twitter, facebook, blog, etc.) on line? I ignored the answer, because it wasn’t the answer that I wanted. The answer that I wanted was, “because I am really concerned about other people, and I have found some bit of information that will make their life better.” Unfortunately the truth that kept coming up was, “because I want to see how many people respond to what I have to say.” And it was this initial realization that sparked a desire to unplug for 40 days.

I consider social media facebook, twitter, and blogs. I realize that there are other forms of social media such as chat rooms, forums, chatting while playing on line games, etc. But I don’t communicate in those ways. I primarily use twitter and facebook. So those were the ones that cut out of my life. I went so far as to delete the apps from my phone. The only two forms of media that I engaged in outside of direct communication were texting and email. I didn’t give up texting, because it truly is an amazing way of getting your point across to someone personally and instantly. There are numerous times where I need to tell someone something, and I just can’t make a phone call. So for me, for these 40 days, I read no one’s blogs, I read no tweets, and I read no facebook posts.

My Feelings about Facebook - I have a theory that there is no way one person can be true friends with 400 people. To have that many people as your friends on facebook is ridiculous. You can’t keep up. One could spend 24 hours a day on facebook checking up on their “friends”. My wife calls this facebook stalking. I call it being unproductive. It’s consuming. It’s addicting. What are they doing? Why don’t they post pictures? Why am I on their list? Why am I NOT on their list?? I can’t believe they are divorced?! Etc. Don’t get me wrong: Facebook has its place, but it requires so much effort to stay in control, that a lot of people ultimately lose control.

My Feelings about Twitter - To post random comments assuming that people actually care is the thought behind twitter. One can actually follow the menial, day in day out, goings on of high profile people with nothing more than a click of a button. Another ridiculous thing about twitter is that a celebrity can make an offhand comment about a brand in less than 140 characters and that brand will completely change its focus or rebut in less than 24hrs. It was recently determined that certain brands are actually PAYING some celebrities to post something about their product….Its insanity! But it’s this insanity that draws people to share their message: “I have something to say, and if I have followers, then they obviously care what I have to say.” This type of motivation for posting comments is nothing more than “it’s about me” hidden behind “they are interested in me”.

Anyway, enough of beating up on Facebook and Twitter. They do have their uses. The ability to share information to massive amounts of people is exciting. But if the activities behind the communication consume us, distract us, and keep us from building strong relationships with others, then the technology is keeping us from being who we are created to be: social, loving, involved, PRESENT creatures.

My ultimate goal behind the 40 day fast was to strengthen my relationships with those around me. There is no way we can build serious relationships when our face is in our phone or in a computer screen most of the time. Intentionally unplugging would provide more time for my wife and kids. I removed yet another distraction in my life that I was using as an excuse to not be fully engaged in their lives.

It doesn’t take much for me to disengage from them. I can create some pretty good excuses: “this college student needs some time to talk. I need to write this blog, because it is related to what we are studying this week. I need to check on facebook to see what he said, he seemed to be upset tonight.” You see? These are all seemingly legitimate reasons that cumulatively consume a mountain of time. I decided a long time ago that it was my responsibility to be intentional in the lives of my wife and kids. I shouldn’t wait on them to engage me. I need to initiate the communication with them. I bet if you were honest with yourself, you are probably making some pretty good excuses as well….

Strengthening my relationships was cool, but I also noticed I have read more in the last 40 days. Not just reading online either. I actually read physical books; with pages! One time a coworker brought in an article from Newsweek wanting me to read it. I knew I had a problem when I thought to myself, “Why didn’t he send me a link to it in an email?”

Along with reading three books in the last 40 days, I got back into a daily routine of reading my bible. I have a bible app on my phone that I would read from primarily, but there is something about HOLDING a bible and reading it…. I don’t know, but the words and stories just seem to be more understandable when reading it this way.

So I’m back on line; at least for now. I have a thought stirring in my head to cancel all my accounts as a New Year’s Resolution. I’m not so sure about that….. In the mean time, I have decided to severely limit my communication online. I am sure I will send a few tweets here and there. I read a lot of articles on science, religion, politics, etc. My goal with sending these links is to stimulate some kind of discussion in regards to the topic. I also plan to overhaul my Facebook account. Do I really need that many friends?? Why is THAT posted on my wall? What I am really trying to say by posting that picture?? Do I really “like” that??

What about you? Could you unplug for 40 days? What about 2 weeks? A week? A weekend? 24 hours? For an hour???? If your answer is no, maybe you should give it a shot…..

Its Football Time

Today is my son’s first football game. Well, it’s not technically his first, since his team has been playing bowl games and scrimmages with other teams for the last couple of weeks. But in his mind, based on the team schedule, tonight is his first official game.

I grew up in football country. It was a small town, but football was a way of life. The only thing that was more important than football was church. And in some instances, a couple of churches set their mid-week services around football practice. You were either in football, or you were not.

I was not. I wasn’t that big in high school, and learned long before getting there that I was gifted in music. In particular, I figured out I was pretty good playing drums. And as a dad, I just figured that was where my son would progress. I bought a second drum set last year so he could play. Unbeknownst to me, he held a very strong desire to play football. I knew he enjoyed it. He liked watching it with me, but I never knew he wanted to play it as much as he does. But the truth be known, deep down inside of me I knew this was coming….

A few months back I said something to the effect of,”you are too small to play. You will get hurt. Blah blah blah. Well, when one of the coaches here in Knoxville heard that story (directly from David…), he wasn’t too thrilled. He started naming off all kinds of guys in the NFL with a height less than 5’8”. When I got home, you can imagine David letting me have it…. Make a long story short; he is now a starting Safety and backup running back for his team. He is also the fastest member of the team when they do the speed drills. He has a lot to learn, but it is his first year, and he is loving it. I am definitely a proud dad.

First Day of School

School started for us yesterday.

Abby’s first day was about like most kids her age. We got up, she put on her new clothes, hopped in the car, and mom snapped pictures at every turn. In our house, its tradition that I take them to school on the first day. We get to the co-op, and I ask her, “you want daddy to walk you to your classroom?” Abby responded, in classic Abby fashion, “No, I’ll be ok. I know where it is. Besides, you need to get work.” And with that, her highly independent self hopped out of the car, waved good bye, and skipped off to class. Of course, dad is struggling to keep it together as he drives off to work, wondering what happened to his little girl….

David’s experience was slightly different. His actually began the night before. He and I were tag teaming a mountain of legos in the middle of his room that had gotten out of hand the previous day. We bantered back and forth about expectations for this year, since he would be at home all the time. He seemed excited and ready for the next step in his education. I told him one of my expectations for him this year was for him to read 1 chapter out of the bible, on his own, each day. He seemed pretty cool with that:

“So, like, I can just pick up the bible, pick out a verse and just read it? Like, turn to Exodus 10, and just READ it?!” he asked.

“No, I think a bible plan is in order. Pick a section like the Psalms, or the first 5 books of the bible, or the gospels.” I responded. After some debating and negotiating, we finally decided he would start in Matthew. Then, almost like out of the blue he said, “I wish I could be dropped off for my first day of school….” I stopped what I was doing, because this had the feeling of “one of those moments” parents wait for.

“What do you mean?” I asked. “You are going to be home schooled 100% this year. You don’t get to be dropped off at school.” And then, almost flippantly I added, “What, you want me to drive around the block, and drop you off at the house?!”

Amazingly, he looked up at me in genuine excitement. “Please, dad. Would you do that?!”

And so we did. David got up in the morning, got dressed “for school”, grabbed his book, jumped in the car, and mom snapped pictures. I drove him around the block, pulled into the driveway, and he jumped out, “see you dad. Have a great day at work.”

To me, the review of the first day is also really cool. That afternoon, Abby came up to me, “Daddy! I got to go to gymnastics! What do you think of my gymnastics outfit? My teacher this year is really sweet. She likes rules, though. We spent almost ALL DAY on rules…. HEY! 2 of my friends from last year are in my class! We did a devo on what makes God happy. I am going to finish all my ‘Tuesday work’ today. I got to swing on the bars and do hand stands in gymnastics today! That was fun!” For her, she summed up her day in 5 minutes. Things were good.

David’s experience was different. He got his work done by lunch. That has been his goal all summer. After lunch, he began getting his stuff ready for football practice. He is a starting safety on defense and a backup running back on offense. He likes to be prepared, and early; WAY early. Sometime during the morning, however, Michelle checks in on him, and he was reading the bible. He was on chapter 3 of Matthew. He had decided it was so good, he wanted to continue the story. When Michelle told me that, it took a bit for dad to keep it together, as he wondered what happened to his little boy.... Things were good. Things were real good.

I hope your first day of school experience was just as cool as mine.