* Sustaining

This past month has been an extra specially large dose of new beginnings. New grade in school for the youngest boy in the house, a new job for the oldest boy, the kickoff for our KidZone program, , a new (small) job for mom at the church preschool, new service projects for the college ministry...

All that excitement for something new has been percolating in and out of our days. The boys were so pumped about their first days, the college kids were at dinner last night and talked with such intelligence and fire about their upcoming days with the inner city church, we have had tons of planning for KidZone (I even tie dyed for the first time last week with another mom who has been so instrumental in our awesome new sets) NEW, NEW, NEW.

In my numbery way I was looking at the history of our blog posts. (Although I restrained from actually counting mine vs Judah's) I noticed that in our first few months we averaged in the low to mid teens in posts, generally three a week. You will note that we are now at half that number. Where did all the excitement go? Surely I still have something interesting to add? Profound words to throw out to the Internet? Adorable anecdotes that highlight the clear supremacy of my children's preciousness over everyone else's?

Alas, the blog is suffering from what school suffers from in March, April & May. A waning of excitement/enthusiasm. A lack of a sustainable source of energy. (Although I will point out that other blogs that I love have been known to go months without posting - you know who you are- so if I judged myself based on the performance of others I would still be alright) When I noticed the numbers I was struck by the difference - I did not however analyze them to see if the change was statistically significant. I left statistics behind in college and have happily never looked back - let Judah play with the numbers - that boy can chart anything.

I began to think about what school, jobs, service, and ministry was going to look like in a few months when the excitement wears off and the energy must come from a sustainable source, not adrenaline. Although I can not speak for my son's energy source for school I did make a conscious choice to be aware of where I was getting my energy to sustain those things I care about.

Am I running on pride, or sense of accomplishment? Those will not carry me as far as love and submission to the will of The One who laid the path. Submission and sacrificial love are not glamorous and not likely to boost the adrenaline like a nice dose of personal glory will, but I am thinking they will carry me farther in the long term. And while I am sure I will mess up - A LOT - I am now going to consciously think of the sustainable energy sources I am using to get through my days.

What energy sources are you using in your day?