Children are a joy and a blessing. (They can also be very frustrating and make you think that shooting steam out of your ears is not so cartoonishly impossible after all) I wanted to get this moment down because I did not want to forget the sweet innocence, and later when I am very frustrated perhaps the knowledge that this moment existed I will take a breath instead of shooting steam.
A few nights ago when I was putting my son to bed he asked who would take care of him if I died. We discussed that dad would do a great job even if I was not here. This led into discussions on when people die, young vs old, through sickness, age or injury. Being the planner that he is he also wanted to know who would take care of him if both Judah and myself died at the same time. We determined that he would likely live in Chattanooga since that is where most of the other relatives, grandparents etc, live. It was also critical for him to know who would take care of him during the 90 minutes it took for them to get here. We had a lovely discussion on how many people in town love him and his sister and he would be well taken care of by some friends of ours should that unlikely and unfortunate turn of events occur.
I was very proud of myself for handling the conversation in all the seriousness that he felt and without breaking down into a snubby mess at the thought of not seeing him grow up. I wanted to assure him that he would be fine without me, and that I would be happy in heaven waiting for him there. Now for tissues...he then told me that when I die he will hold my hand so he can go up with me to heaven, because he doesn't want to be here without me.
I thank God that my son loves me and that right now he has no fear of dying and going to heaven. I am also glad that we can talk about heaven in our home as a really cool place that has better toys than we have here on earth. That God wants us to join Him there and that it is a real place to be trusted in, not just a fanciful hope. That conversation reminded me why I shouldn't brush off his concerns, and why I should answer every one of his thousands of questions each day. If I had brushed off the beginning of the conversation with "don't worry about it" and left the room...I would have missed a perfect moment.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Conflict Resolution
I have a question for you: Are you competitive, or relational?
Michelle and I attended the ZOE conference a couple of weekends ago, and I attended a conflict management seminar. For those of you who know me really well, stop laughing.... The teacher (Steve Joiner from the Institute for Confilct Management at Lipscomb University) bascially said that conflict is a function of tasks(ministry) on the y axis of a graph, and relationships on the X axis of the graph. Competitive people focus a lot of time and energy on things that are important to them (i.e. ministry) at the expense of relationships. "We are doing it my way, or else". The relaionship people focus their energy on, well relationships with others in regards to things that are important to them. However, the extreme of this is something like, "I am fine with what ever you want to do, let's just continue having lunch on Tuesdays, OK?"
I loved this class. I have to say, I haven't been this entertianed in a long time. Here are some highlights I thought I would share.
1) Giving in to a competitive person, or essentially giving up, only increases the chances that the person will NOT back down at a later point of conflict. In fact, the person is more likely to be even more competitive, because they know if they don't back down, they will get their way.
2) Compromising is almost always a "lose - lose" situation in a conflict, not a "win - win." He actually quoted an annonymous elder as saying, "as long as everyone is just a little upset that's OK." Good grief!
3) The goal of any organization is to be collaborative. In this situation, tasks are just as important as relationships. Go back to my X Y graph, and this would be a one to one relationship. I am just as focused on the task (minstry) as I am the relationships (those invovled in that ministry). I like that. That's pretty cool.
I think if we were all honest with each other, it would be safe to say we don't enjoy conflict. Even me! For what ever the reason may be, we all like to get along. But instead of using a lot of energy on worrying about the conflict that is going to happen, we should be mature, face the situation, and have an open dialogue.
I finished a book by Erwin McManus, "Unstoppable Force" this week. If you do ANYTHING in a church, you should read this book. In short, he states that conflict is actually healthy for a growing system (i.e. church). On this paticular topic, he said that if you are not having conflicts, then your church is probably not growing. That is an interesting point.... A church should NOT inhibit having healthy discussions that involve disagreeing. He also mentions that having a clear focus, vision, and specific objectives also helps in dealing with conflict. In other words, "this is the direction we are going. We would love to use your energy and passion with our goals. But if you can not agree to them, then you should probably find somewhere else to worship." Wow.
I'll be honest, I am just now starting to appreciate these concepts. Yeah, I am a little hard headed. But the stuff we went over in that session was really cool. What do you think about this stuff?
Michelle and I attended the ZOE conference a couple of weekends ago, and I attended a conflict management seminar. For those of you who know me really well, stop laughing.... The teacher (Steve Joiner from the Institute for Confilct Management at Lipscomb University) bascially said that conflict is a function of tasks(ministry) on the y axis of a graph, and relationships on the X axis of the graph. Competitive people focus a lot of time and energy on things that are important to them (i.e. ministry) at the expense of relationships. "We are doing it my way, or else". The relaionship people focus their energy on, well relationships with others in regards to things that are important to them. However, the extreme of this is something like, "I am fine with what ever you want to do, let's just continue having lunch on Tuesdays, OK?"
I loved this class. I have to say, I haven't been this entertianed in a long time. Here are some highlights I thought I would share.
1) Giving in to a competitive person, or essentially giving up, only increases the chances that the person will NOT back down at a later point of conflict. In fact, the person is more likely to be even more competitive, because they know if they don't back down, they will get their way.
2) Compromising is almost always a "lose - lose" situation in a conflict, not a "win - win." He actually quoted an annonymous elder as saying, "as long as everyone is just a little upset that's OK." Good grief!
3) The goal of any organization is to be collaborative. In this situation, tasks are just as important as relationships. Go back to my X Y graph, and this would be a one to one relationship. I am just as focused on the task (minstry) as I am the relationships (those invovled in that ministry). I like that. That's pretty cool.
I think if we were all honest with each other, it would be safe to say we don't enjoy conflict. Even me! For what ever the reason may be, we all like to get along. But instead of using a lot of energy on worrying about the conflict that is going to happen, we should be mature, face the situation, and have an open dialogue.
I finished a book by Erwin McManus, "Unstoppable Force" this week. If you do ANYTHING in a church, you should read this book. In short, he states that conflict is actually healthy for a growing system (i.e. church). On this paticular topic, he said that if you are not having conflicts, then your church is probably not growing. That is an interesting point.... A church should NOT inhibit having healthy discussions that involve disagreeing. He also mentions that having a clear focus, vision, and specific objectives also helps in dealing with conflict. In other words, "this is the direction we are going. We would love to use your energy and passion with our goals. But if you can not agree to them, then you should probably find somewhere else to worship." Wow.
I'll be honest, I am just now starting to appreciate these concepts. Yeah, I am a little hard headed. But the stuff we went over in that session was really cool. What do you think about this stuff?
Thursday, October 9, 2008
* Stalling
What I need to be doing right now is packing/cleaning/getting ready to go. What I am doing is blogging. I am an amazing procrastinator. I skate by at the last moment on many things. This was frustrating for mother as she watched me go through school and frustrating for Judah now. Sadly for them both, the point to get it done early was lost on me as I always did get it done at the last minute. Had there been times when the school work didn't get done I may have learned the lesson, but it ALWAYS came together. With in the next hour I need to clean the house, pack for the weekend, and feed the kids. Why clean the house if you have no time? (Note - none of you thought the feeding the kids thing was negotiable did you?) Because coming home to a dirty house in unacceptable, besides I know I will get it done. Actually I have about 58 minutes now....
57:45
57:30
:)
57:45
57:30
:)
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