Things (not) to Say in Church

Michelle introduced me to a book this weekend: “Permission to Speak Freely” by Anne Jackson. It’s a book that was inspired by Anne’s blog, when she asked the question: “what is one thing you feel you can’t say in church?”

When I first heard what it was about, I was immediately skeptical: “How could there possibly be something you can’t say in church?” Church is a place where one should feel safe, able to think openly, is accepted for who you are, feel surrounded by other believers with a common goal, etc….

But then I started thinking about this question…. Is it possible that there are things that we (Christians) are NOT supposed to say in church? Maybe another way of looking at it is, “are there things others in our own congregations PRAY we never say?”

Are there certain topics that we know we don’t discuss? Demanding justification for financial aid comes to mind…. Are you worthy for the money we can offer you? Yes, you are only asking for us to pay your heating bill this month, but how do we KNOW you will actually use this money for the heating bill, and not alcohol or the lottery, or…..? We require a signed declaration of where the funds are to be used (our approval obviously), and in the event that we find out that our funds have been used for other services or purchases without the written consistent of us, the leaders, you are required to pay back in full plus 50%. I mean, come on! People have actually asked for food for their children, then turned around and used that money for gas in their car. Who knows where they went using our money for gas! We can’t trust people these days!

Are there individuals that we shouldn’t question? The preacher is always right. The elders know what is best. They have been leading that ministry for decades now! They know what they are doing. The personality of the church is driven by the personality of the leaders.

Are there questions we don’t ask, because we don’t want to hear the answer? Why didn’t I pick up that homeless guy on the way to our church’s Family Meal time? Because he would lower the average net income of our congregation. He smells (it would cost so much to clean the interior of my SUV, so I am actually being a good steward of God’s money by NOT picking him up….) He looks scary and w are trying to attract DINKS (dual income no kids ) into our church family! We need their (the DINKS, not the homeless man!) “tithing” to meet our budget! How do you expect us to attract upper class families when we have lower class individuals among us? Quite frankly, I don’t want to associate with him.

Are there sins we don’t confess, because of the retribution they will bring? Growing up, the fastest way to get you kicked out of a congregation was to confess adultery, divorce, or struggling with homosexuality. It seems back then, Christians were perfect in all respects and demanded no less from anyone who even might be considering becoming one. Heaven forbid you were a preacher or considered to be a leader in a congregation and get caught up in the drama of an illicit affair! That immediately won you an “open letter” (thanks to John Acuff for this thought!) sent to all surrounding churches (within the proper denomination of course) explaining in gross detail the facts of your sin, verses to backup why you were dis-fellowshipped, and what could possibly happen to a congregation that would even cherish the thought of accepting you(supporting verses included obviously). We are so fortunate that situations like this don’t happen anymore!

Whoa….. Maybe there is more to this topic than I originally thought.

Well, I am going to give credit to Anne Jackson for sparking this particular blog. But now I am going to ask the question: what is something you feel you can’t say in church? And why? Don’t worry! It’s not like I am going to publish them! You can trust me. Only responses that include your full name, place of residence, and church membership will be considered legitimate.

Change, for the Better....

It’s been an interesting few weeks. Our kidzone program at church is starting up for the school year, My son moved up a grade, My little girl started school, and my college students are requesting changes to the program. Wow! Where do I start?!

So, if you are new to the blog “Kidzone” may not sound familiar. This is a program at our church where children and parents come together to learn bible stories, virtues, sing songs, and laugh. We do a LOT of laughing. There are also skits, where actors present a story in a way that is memorable. Our annual program started again last Sunday, and I am really looking forward to this year.

One of the major changes this year is that our youth group is going to be more involved in our “family time” program (kidzone). I am really excited about this change. And from some of the discussions within the youth group, they are excited as well. But it is not only them that are excited. My kids look forward to it. This is how we, as a congregation, have decided to educate our children about God’s Word and how to live their lives 7 days a week. The actors, media operators, and volunteers look forward to it as well.

School officially started for us this week. The first day of school is always a hard one for any parent. Michelle and I are involved in a home school co-op. This means that 3 days a week our children attend a school with a small class room setting, and the other days Michelle primarily teaches them through a lesson plan generated by the classroom teacher. This year, I plan to teach my son music, along with some shop skills such as wood working, and possible small engine repair. I am not real sure what that is going to look like yet, but I do have a plan. Change, it’s a coming….

My little girl started school this year! Many of you can relate, I know. There is something special about the bond between a dad and his little girl. It’s different from the relationship between his son. The son relationship is more on the lines of friend and possible cohort (depending on the act of sneakiness), mixed in with mentor, teacher, instructor. The relationship with a daughter is more, body guard, protector…. She is my little princess, even though she wants to go as fast as possible on jetskis, “fixes” her bike when daddy is in the garage, and can drop kick you like nobody’s business. She still loves pink, prefers skirts over shorts, and is not afraid to tell you if your blouse matches your shoes or not! She is “daddy’s little princess”. God is good. He knows how to combine the specific personalities with the right individuals. These are His creations. God bless them.

My College students are growing up to. We are starting our third year of college ministry at Farragut! At the beginning, we had 6 college students. We now have over twenty young adults attached to our group on a regular basis. Our focus is quite simple: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make you paths straight.” – Prov. 3:5-7. Instead of focusing on bible study time, Michelle and I pushed our group of young adults to serve more. Formally, we had one official bible study each week. We also set up multiple serving opportunities for them. It was up to them which one they did on a regular basis. Over the months it clicked. We have a couple of ministry areas that are not managed by us anymore, but by the college members. I think this is awesome! It shows the growth of maturity and responsibility that we try to foster within them.

However, recently they asked for something that, on the surface, went against my main philosophy. I personally don’t believe in having formal classes on Sunday mornings for college students. I would prefer to have those in my ministry serve on Sundays. Some disagreed. And it was out this particular group that some came to us and asked if we could provide a formal class on Sunday mornings. We told them to go for it, but that we would be doing our thing in Kidzone. The college students that serve in Kidzone were concerned that this “separation” would have the opportunity to create different “tribes” within our group. And it was at this point that we had to address a topic that Michelle and I have been avoiding for a year now.

Our ministry is approaching a time where we are going to have to multiply our group during formal bible study times. We have noticed that the discussions are not that deep recently. Many of the young adults speak in generalities, and not necessarily about personal struggles. We have ideas that we are speaking of, but nothing has been formalized as of yet. This previous Sunday evening was a great time of openness, where many of the young adults shared their feelings, concerns, and desires for the group. They are growing. Maturing. Most importantly they are changing in front of each other.

Change is hard. It’s hard for many if not all of us. I have been fortunate to be some type of change agent in most of my jobs. By that doesn’t make it easy for me. And in my present role as college minister, it is even more difficult. I have to somehow attract young adults into our group, make them feel welcome and accepting, and then push them out into the adult “programs” of “big” church. It’s hard; really hard. I mess up sometimes. I lose track of young adults on the fray. I assume my way is the best way, without giving theirs a chance to resonate. I am constantly trying to new approaches to reach them….

We left Sunday evening with changes to implement. They (the young adults) would be responsible for the formal class on Sunday mornings. I would be responsible for the time we are together on Sunday evenings. Once Kidzone was over on Sunday mornings, we would go to the class they were teaching. We are going to break up into small groups on Sunday nights with the intention to go deeper within the group. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Turning My Brain Off

Michelle and the kids finally got home last night. Every year, Michelle takes them down to her moms to spend the week there. The last few years this has not affected me too much, as I would be in China. However this year, I “had to fend for myself” for a week. It’s amazing how much I just turn off in my head when she is around. I’ll give you a few examples.

Grocery Store

Friday I went to the grocery store to get food for the week. Let me caveat that by saying I pretty much knew I had my weekend and week full for dinners and lunches, because I was going to be eating out with others to discuss business or hangout with college students. But for some reason, come Friday afternoon, I felt like I needed to go to the grocery store. Once I get there, it’s like I draw blank:

“What do I buy? I know I need to eat but what do I eat? Michelle cooks. What does she cook? I don’t cook. I grill. What would I grill? STEAK! Oh, wait I need jetski oil. I can do that! I have done that before. Jetski oil, steaks….. what else?”

By the time it was all said and done, I had spent almost as much as what Michelle would spend in a month for all of us! By the way, I haven’t eaten half of it.

Boat Safety

That evening, I took my jetskis out on the lake to do a test for in the morning. I had some teens planning to ride them, and I wanted to make sure they were riding ok before in the morning. I back the skis down into the water, and notice a LOT of gas floating on the surface. My initial thought was that someone previously had just emptied out their boat before loading it on to their trailer. As a jetski owner, this should have triggered an alarm, an alarm that normally would have been present with my wife and kids around….

I climb on top of one of the skis and begin to try to start the jetski. All of the sudden, a huge detonation comes out of the hull of the ski! This explosion blew the front lid open, shooting the storage compartment 3 feet up in the air! At the same time, a fire ball comes out of from under the seat singing the hairs on my legs. Turns out the gas floating in the lake was from my ski. It had a gas leak, and thanks to the ridiculously hot weather recently, there was a massive amount of gas fumes under the seat, waiting to be ignited.

Cleaning

On the way home on Sunday, our realtor called saying she had a showing. I get home and start looking around for floor cleaner. Turns out, glass cleaner does NOT clean ceramic floor tile! Where does all “that stuff” come from that I sweep off the hardwood floors? It’s only been me here for a few days! How does Michelle arrange the pillows on our bed so they look so “Ethan Allen” like? Do I leave lights on or off? Closet doors open or closed?

Cooking

I finally got around to cooking pizza. Slightly more conscious of my lack of attentiveness to certain tasks, I read the directions for the frozen pizza, and followed it to tee! I was so excited: preheat oven to 450 degrees. Check. Unwrap pizza from box. Already did that. Set on middle rack. We only have 2! Uh…. I’ll set it on the top and hope for the best. I come back in exactly 11 minutes, and the pizza is looking awesome. It’s got that brownish color to it that I love so much. I open the door, reach my hand into the oven, and am a milli second away from grabbing the thing WITH MY BARE HANDS, when a little voice in my head says, “hot.” It doesn’t scream at me like,” HEY! Idiot! Stop before you burn your fingers off!” It very politely and calmly says, “hot.” Thankfully, I listened.

These are only a few examples of how my brain seems to turn off when Michelle is around. There were others, like looking for Q-tips, pillows to sleep on, ceiling fan noise, door for the mailbox, etc. that I am not going to get into. The experience really showed how much I just seemed to have turned over to her. I wonder if she has similar experiences like these?