Thursday, February 18, 2010

Dude, you got something on your forehead

Yesterday, I visited my buddy’s office. He has some coworkers that are also acquaintances of mine. I don’t see these guys that often, but when I do it’s generally a nonchalant “how’s it going? How are the wife and kids? What’s new in the job?” There is also the preverbal handshake for good measure. We are all good red blooded American men, who think conservatively, love women (our own wives), proud of our children, love our country, thankful to God for our jobs, and recognize that He is in control, not us.

Anyway, I was slightly distracted yesterday, as I am preparing a talk for next weekend. I was at my buddy’s office to get some ideas, suggestions, opinions, etc. about what I was speaking on. Well, one of his coworkers (acquaintance) turns around, with a genuine expression of “glad to see you” on it. He holds his hand out for the preverbal hand shake, and I say, “dude, you got something on your forehead.” His response? “Ash Wednesday,” in an expression that he has probably said it that way quite frequently throughout the day. It seems his ash cross may have turned into a smudge. Very unfortunate. My response went something like, “my bad. That’s pretty cool. Ash Wednesday? Really?” I look at the nearest desk calendar in a manner that would make someone think I (the Protestant) was trying to prove him (the Catholic) wrong. “well, yes. I guess you are right…..”

And that little conversation reminded me that Michelle and I usually give up something for Lent. I am going to go on and admit that I am not real happy about the concept of giving something up for Lent. Most of the reason has to do with my upbringing of not celebrating any religious holiday, let alone performing any kind of religious ritual. I won’t go in to how absolutely ridiculous that last sentence sounds, as I do a lot of things ritualistic presently, as well as, celebrate the religious holidays for what they are. I also won’t bring up the idea that I like my routines, and giving them up is very uncomfortable for me. But the truth is, she and I have always been changed after the 40 days. It’s really kind of strange….

Michelle and I have given up everything from computer games, to cable TV. We gave up eating out all together one year. However, we did have a loop hole: If someone asked us to eat we would go. We didn’t want to make them “uncomfortable” with our sacrifice. I gave up coffee one year. Since I had started drinking coffee a few months back, it wasn’t that big of a sacrifice. I recall giving up Fox News a couple of years ago, but since I spent the majority of lent in China, and China doesn’t have Fox News, I probably wouldn’t consider that one a big sacrifice either. There was one time I gave up sweet tea. If you are not from the south, you probably won’t understand. If you haven’t had Michelle’s sweet, you definitely don’t get it.

I did some research on what others have given up for Lent. I thought I might share.
1) Alcohol – no brainer
2) Smoking – ditto
3) Soft drinks – that’s cool
4) TV – whoopee….
5) Meat – that could be painful
6) Chocolate – ok, I can see that
7) Sex – Now hold on! Let’s talk about this….
8) The internet – that‘s interesting.
9) Make-up – huh?
10) Shopping – that’s a good one

Some others I found included: stress, gossip, road rage, “the rat race”, dealing with “the man”, fear, sarcasm, etc. A good friend of mine said he was going to give up sobriety. I want to say he was joking, but the more I think about it, I am not really sure… ;) I also found where some were adding things for Lent. Some of these include: exercising, stretching in the morning, sending positive text messages on purpose, reading the bible each day, working in a soup kitchen, etc. I have to admit; I am impressed with the creativity that some have about sacrifice.

You see the purpose of giving something up (or adding something) for Lent is to experience a little bit of the pain and agony that Jesus suffered while dying on the cross. I like the idea, but I have a hard time getting over the concept that me giving up “solitaire” on the computer even comes close to Jesus bleeding on a cross. I mean, come on: do we really think we can compare to Jesus’ agony by giving up a cup of coffee? The irony is I think our little sacrifice can make a difference. For each of us its different, but giving things up, or adding things to our lives on purpose helps us to focus on why we are doing that particular thing. For that period of time our schedule changes. We are uncomfortable with what is going on in what is usually our normal routines. And for many of us, that little change is all we need to have that “I am going to change my life for the better” moment.

For Michelle and I we notice that we talk more. We play with our kids more. We read our bible more. We pray together more. Granted, initially we are trying to just fill time that is usually being filled by what we have given up. But inevitably, our normal routines have changed to more quality time. We generally, do “something” more that is productive and adds a positive experience to our life. So, as much as I am disgruntled about Lent, that is why I continue to do it. If you practice Lent, what are some things that you give up, and why?

Monday, February 8, 2010

Being Normal?

I am in the middle of a book entitled: “The Black Swan: The Impact of the Highly Improbable”, by Nassim Nicholas Taleb. This is a fascinating book that you should be able to find in the business section of your local bookstore. Although it is a finance and investment book, to me, it has more to do with how our mind tries to find pattern and “normalcy” in a world that is all but not. The author tries to help the reader come to grips with this realization.

Chris Anderson, editor-in-chief of Wired magazine does an excellent job in summarizing the book:

“Our brains are wired for narrative, not statistical uncertainty. And so we tell ourselves simple stories to explain complex thing we don't--and, most importantly, can't--know. The truth is that we have no idea why stock markets go up or down on any given day, and whatever reason we give is sure to be grossly simplified, if not flat out wrong….

The problem… is that we place too much weight on the odds that past events will repeat (diligently trying to follow the path of the "millionaire next door," when unrepeatable chance is a better explanation). Instead, the really important events are rare and unpredictable….

Nassim argues that most of the really big events in our world are rare and unpredictable, and thus trying to extract generalizable stories to explain them may be emotionally satisfying, but it's practically useless. September 11th is one such example, and stock market crashes are another. Or, as he puts it, 'History does not crawl, it jumps.'"

Think about this for a moment. Although we see advertisements like, “Why be normal?”, or even some of the sports commercials about being an individual (not with the crowd), subconsciously our society continually tells us to fit into the “Bell Curve” (i.e. strive for normalcy). Even us parents want our kids to “stand out”, but not too much, or their personalities or achievements will bring undue attention on them. Think of children who are extremely gifted with intelligence, art, music, or athletic ability. Whether you agree with me or not, our western culture encourages normalcy. The reason? We can predict normalcy. We can draw predictions from it.

The problem with this concept (if it is true :)) is that it isn’t life. We don’t remember or even perseverate on the normal aspects of our life. We focus, and go back to those moments that are etched, or even gashed into our brains. They are moments in our past that we go back to for reflection, to help us define who we are in the present, moments we cannot get out of our head because they are so painful, and moments that seem so “unlikely” that we try in every way we know how to explain them, but to this day still cannot resolve.

Maybe a personal example can help. Last week, our family spent a few days in Orlando, celebrating my little girls 5th birthday. On one particular day, she dressed as a princess, with tiara and wand, and got to eat with other princesses from Disney World for lunch. It had to be one of the most girly things you can imagine. She absolutely loved it. My son loathed it. He was a good sport and participated, but he was definitely counting down the minutes when we could hit the roller coasters. My little girl soaked it all in, being the little princess that she was.

However, if you had seen her a couple of days before, you would have seen her in the same dress, tiara, and wand riding the GM Test Track at Epcot, laughing and screaming as loud as she could! People in line with us were amazed that such “a princess” would want (beg is the better word) to get on a ride that reached speeds of 70 mph! There was one point where we come off of the “Snow White Ride” (a very slow, tame ride) and she looks at me and says, “daddy, can we go to Thunder Mountain now?”(Thunder Mountain is the fastest roller coaster at Walt Disney World that she was allowed to ride due to height restrictions.) How can I say no to request like that?

The problem with these people that were confused is that they have an idea of what a princess should look like. They have hard time accepting that a cute little girl in a princess dress would actually love riding roller coasters! In other words, my little girl is a “Black Swan” in their version of reality. They would have no problem seeing her with her grandma, playing with her dolls, and waiting on her brother and daddy to get off of the roller coaster ride. That makes sense. To them, that is normal.

But we won’t remember those moments of normalcy. We will, however, remember those moments that are outliers. They are the moments that don’t make any sense. They may not make any sense, but they do make who we are today.

I am certain that there are some people right now telling a story to their friends about these parents that “dragged their children” onto a ride that was not suitable for them (children). They are probably saying something like, “you should have seen that little princess! She had no business at all being on that ride! Those parents have no idea how to raise that little girl! They are only doing things for themselves (parents)!” Oh, how wrong they are, for I have a little girl who is dainty, loves pink, twirls when she walks across a room, but can drop kick like no other 5 year old I know, begs her daddy to wrestle every day, and loves going as fast as possible, even if she is wearing her princess dress!

Thank God for outliers.