The World Doesn't Need More Words

Flipping through the channels this weekend, I skimmed across an interview where the interviewee made the following statement: “we are drowning in words, while starving for wisdom.” I kept channel surfing, but the statement stuck. It wouldn’t leave my head. I slept, woke up, worked, played with my kids, kissed my wife, and it was still there. I have learned that in these moments, when something won’t leave my brain that was so random, God is trying to tell me something….

Technological Detox, and a Little Snowboarding

For over a decade, Michelle and I have been taking a ski trip to Snowshoe, WV almost every winter. For a snowboard fanatic like myself, it’s a great place within relative driving distance here in the southeast. It takes a while to get there, but once there, it is nothing but snowboarding, sleeping, snowboarding, eating, and more snowboarding. For me, this is a hint as to what heaven will be like.

My Take On Resolutions

For years I made a conscious effort to workout at a local gym wherever I lived. I felt that taking care of one’s body was one of the most important parts of a person life. With that in mind, I would always get frustrated around this time of year (January). I would show up at my local gym, and it was always more crowded than usual. But I didn’t have to wait too long for the crowds to dwindle. Usually around the end of February, first of March I would only see the regulars again. This observation over time is one of many that made me decide to not do New Year’s Resolutions. I could only see people that failed at them, and since I didn’t want to be a failure, I wouldn’t make any resolutions. It wasn’t until later that learned how important it was to set goals for myself.

 

2012 Version of No Heat November

Well, it’s another November and our family is celebrating it with “No Heat November”. Yes, that’s right, no heat. For the month of November we intentionally do not turn on our central heating.  I wrote about where this concept came from last year (thanks Mom!).

No Heat November

We went the entire month of November without turning our heat on. Actually, we went for over two months, but with October having such comfortable weather, I didn’t think I could really count it.

A while back I was having a conversation with my mom about how we had not turned our central unit on for a couple of weeks. I was bragging about how low my electric bill was going to be, when she reminded me (yet again) how she grew up with no AC, no heating unit except a wood stove, and even woke up with snow on her quilt a few times because her windows wouldn’t stay shut sometimes (and she walked to school uphill, both ways….). This conversation turned into a friendly battle of the wills over the next few weeks. At one point, my own brother called my son to ask him to sneak over and turn the air on so that I would lose!

The first week or so were kind of fun, with the kids bundling up “for dinner”, or David even sleeping in his regular clothes (not pajamas) for the next day. We even showed them how to take advantage of heat from the sun by opening the shades and front door when the sun was shining on it. Probably the funniest part was when Abby was doing laundry one night, and left the laundry room door open. She said, “at least the heat from the dryer will help!”

But I’ll be the first to admit that the last few days were the toughest. The night before we turned on our heat, the outside temperature got down to 28 degrees F. Honestly, I was more afraid of my pipes freezing, than I was of being cold. My reasoning was that I didn’t want to create more of a headache with pipes bursting just by trying to go as long as I could without heat.

We learned a lot from this experience. It may not seem like much, particularly since millions wake up each morning without heat, but we as a family learned a little more about what we can do without. We are one of those whacko families that don’t have cable, one TV (in the living room), and actually tell our kids to go outside and play. I don’t budget for a car payment; because I don’t want to have debt of any kind. Michelle and I do our best to actually sit down at the dinner table and ask our children about their day. We are far from perfect, as our lives are quite busy, but we do our best to be intentional about consistent activities in the home. I hear way too often how that I deprive my children of “advances in technology” and the “nicer things in life”. I just don’t believe that is true. One deprives a child when they take away what the child truly wants: one on one time with their parents. I don’t choose to have one TV because I think it will rot my kids’ brain (even though there is some truth to that). I have only one TV so that I, as a parent, have fewer distractions that keep ME from interacting with my kids.

If you are reading this, then I am certain there is something you could intentionally give up in your life right now. The concept is quite biblical. It’s called fasting, and it’s not just for food. It is for anything that has a hold on us that would keep us from focusing on God first. A while back, I fasted from social media. A friend of mine fasted from coffee. It may be that you need to fast from exercising for a time period, because you have the wrong motivation for doing it. The point is that you fast from something, and do it regularly. It helps us to keep our focus on where it needs to be.

Just so we are clear: Michelle and I can afford to turn on our heat (mom, if you are reading this). The main reason we went this long without any heat was to keep us focused on the fact there were those who could not turn on heat, even if they wanted to. We got some real good discussions from our kids through this experience. David wanted to know how we could help those who didn’t have any heat. Abby did too, and then she asked, “so what are we giving up next?” It’s a good question, and one that I don’t have an answer for just yet. But I will throw it to you: What can you give you up for a season?

40 Days of Sabbath from Social Media (SOME of What I have Learned)

I have been planning to do this for some time now. I can’t really point my finger to any specific thing that led me to fast for 40 days from social media. It more or less kind of grew on its own. But for whatever reason, I decided to “go dark” on September 24, 2011 for 40 days.

A little background: For a few months I noticed having a hard time focusing. It was requiring way too much effort to focus on one basic task in a given day. I noticed I was texting, checking my twitter feed, sending tweets, checking facebook, posting to facebook, making sure my twitter feed and facebook were synced, posting to my blog, checking my facebook, etc. All while trying to concentrate on the basic of tasks. If I were to be honest, I was overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed with trying to stay in contact with everyone. I was overwhelmed with trying to communicate things to others. And that is why I began to ask the questions: why do I post things on line? What is my ultimate motivation for posting anything (twitter, facebook, blog, etc.) on line? I ignored the answer, because it wasn’t the answer that I wanted. The answer that I wanted was, “because I am really concerned about other people, and I have found some bit of information that will make their life better.” Unfortunately the truth that kept coming up was, “because I want to see how many people respond to what I have to say.” And it was this initial realization that sparked a desire to unplug for 40 days.

I consider social media facebook, twitter, and blogs. I realize that there are other forms of social media such as chat rooms, forums, chatting while playing on line games, etc. But I don’t communicate in those ways. I primarily use twitter and facebook. So those were the ones that cut out of my life. I went so far as to delete the apps from my phone. The only two forms of media that I engaged in outside of direct communication were texting and email. I didn’t give up texting, because it truly is an amazing way of getting your point across to someone personally and instantly. There are numerous times where I need to tell someone something, and I just can’t make a phone call. So for me, for these 40 days, I read no one’s blogs, I read no tweets, and I read no facebook posts.

My Feelings about Facebook - I have a theory that there is no way one person can be true friends with 400 people. To have that many people as your friends on facebook is ridiculous. You can’t keep up. One could spend 24 hours a day on facebook checking up on their “friends”. My wife calls this facebook stalking. I call it being unproductive. It’s consuming. It’s addicting. What are they doing? Why don’t they post pictures? Why am I on their list? Why am I NOT on their list?? I can’t believe they are divorced?! Etc. Don’t get me wrong: Facebook has its place, but it requires so much effort to stay in control, that a lot of people ultimately lose control.

My Feelings about Twitter - To post random comments assuming that people actually care is the thought behind twitter. One can actually follow the menial, day in day out, goings on of high profile people with nothing more than a click of a button. Another ridiculous thing about twitter is that a celebrity can make an offhand comment about a brand in less than 140 characters and that brand will completely change its focus or rebut in less than 24hrs. It was recently determined that certain brands are actually PAYING some celebrities to post something about their product….Its insanity! But it’s this insanity that draws people to share their message: “I have something to say, and if I have followers, then they obviously care what I have to say.” This type of motivation for posting comments is nothing more than “it’s about me” hidden behind “they are interested in me”.

Anyway, enough of beating up on Facebook and Twitter. They do have their uses. The ability to share information to massive amounts of people is exciting. But if the activities behind the communication consume us, distract us, and keep us from building strong relationships with others, then the technology is keeping us from being who we are created to be: social, loving, involved, PRESENT creatures.

My ultimate goal behind the 40 day fast was to strengthen my relationships with those around me. There is no way we can build serious relationships when our face is in our phone or in a computer screen most of the time. Intentionally unplugging would provide more time for my wife and kids. I removed yet another distraction in my life that I was using as an excuse to not be fully engaged in their lives.

It doesn’t take much for me to disengage from them. I can create some pretty good excuses: “this college student needs some time to talk. I need to write this blog, because it is related to what we are studying this week. I need to check on facebook to see what he said, he seemed to be upset tonight.” You see? These are all seemingly legitimate reasons that cumulatively consume a mountain of time. I decided a long time ago that it was my responsibility to be intentional in the lives of my wife and kids. I shouldn’t wait on them to engage me. I need to initiate the communication with them. I bet if you were honest with yourself, you are probably making some pretty good excuses as well….

Strengthening my relationships was cool, but I also noticed I have read more in the last 40 days. Not just reading online either. I actually read physical books; with pages! One time a coworker brought in an article from Newsweek wanting me to read it. I knew I had a problem when I thought to myself, “Why didn’t he send me a link to it in an email?”

Along with reading three books in the last 40 days, I got back into a daily routine of reading my bible. I have a bible app on my phone that I would read from primarily, but there is something about HOLDING a bible and reading it…. I don’t know, but the words and stories just seem to be more understandable when reading it this way.

So I’m back on line; at least for now. I have a thought stirring in my head to cancel all my accounts as a New Year’s Resolution. I’m not so sure about that….. In the mean time, I have decided to severely limit my communication online. I am sure I will send a few tweets here and there. I read a lot of articles on science, religion, politics, etc. My goal with sending these links is to stimulate some kind of discussion in regards to the topic. I also plan to overhaul my Facebook account. Do I really need that many friends?? Why is THAT posted on my wall? What I am really trying to say by posting that picture?? Do I really “like” that??

What about you? Could you unplug for 40 days? What about 2 weeks? A week? A weekend? 24 hours? For an hour???? If your answer is no, maybe you should give it a shot…..

Its Football Time

Today is my son’s first football game. Well, it’s not technically his first, since his team has been playing bowl games and scrimmages with other teams for the last couple of weeks. But in his mind, based on the team schedule, tonight is his first official game.

I grew up in football country. It was a small town, but football was a way of life. The only thing that was more important than football was church. And in some instances, a couple of churches set their mid-week services around football practice. You were either in football, or you were not.

I was not. I wasn’t that big in high school, and learned long before getting there that I was gifted in music. In particular, I figured out I was pretty good playing drums. And as a dad, I just figured that was where my son would progress. I bought a second drum set last year so he could play. Unbeknownst to me, he held a very strong desire to play football. I knew he enjoyed it. He liked watching it with me, but I never knew he wanted to play it as much as he does. But the truth be known, deep down inside of me I knew this was coming….

A few months back I said something to the effect of,”you are too small to play. You will get hurt. Blah blah blah. Well, when one of the coaches here in Knoxville heard that story (directly from David…), he wasn’t too thrilled. He started naming off all kinds of guys in the NFL with a height less than 5’8”. When I got home, you can imagine David letting me have it…. Make a long story short; he is now a starting Safety and backup running back for his team. He is also the fastest member of the team when they do the speed drills. He has a lot to learn, but it is his first year, and he is loving it. I am definitely a proud dad.

Colorful Language

My son was recently invited by local high school football team to review film. He started playing football, and one of his homework assignments by his coach was to review film (watch football games), and pick out his position. At ten years old, you would have thought he had been invited by a team from the NFL. He arrives at their practice one afternoon, opens the car door, and is met with some rather colorful language from the coaches. “that’s the @#$%@#! play I have ever seen run!”, was just an inkling of what he overheard. At one point, he turned to his mom and said, “mom, he used the ‘s’-word!” (S-word in our house is “shut up”) Anyway, after the initial shock from all the yelling, David happily spent a few hours with the coaching staff reviewing last year’s films, and they did an excellent job of helping him pick out his current position.

But this experience got me thinking. What words do you use in your house? What words would your kids say are used in your house? For instance, is the word “Jesus” used frequently? If so, in what context? Is it, “and Jesus is the Savior of the World, and He loves you very much!” or is it: “Jesus. Just get up stairs and get in bed!” If it’s the latter, I doubt your kids are looking around for Jesus to walk up the stairs….

We have to be real careful about our language, and we cannot take it for granted. Recently, I gave a speech at a graduation banquet. The title of my talk was, “Don’t be Stupid”. The point was that as young people they have a lot of opportunities, but as they make stupid decisions, they start running out of opportunities. Hence, don’t be stupid. During my talk, a young little guy about 5 or 6 had had enough of my use of the word. He was sitting rather close to the front and interrupted me, “we don’t say stupid in my house.” I was caught off guard, and was truly inspired. The reason is that I know this family personally, and can honestly say that they do not use that word, as well as many others that would be frowned upon. I was encouraged that the child felt so strongly about it that he decided to make his issues known to me in public! Something that I took so matter-of-fact-like, he took very strongly.

As parents, we have to be cognizant of the fact that our kids are watching us all the time, even when they are not. I hear my phrases coming out of son these days; some good, some not so good. But he and his sister are only mimicking what they think is appropriate. All kids do this. So we as parents need to show them what appropriate communication is. That is why consistent bible studies are so important. And it’s not sitting everyone down every night for a bible time, although that isn’t a bad idea. It can also be talking at the table, songs you listen to, shows you watch, the reason for why you are not going to put that purchase on the credit card, and a litany of others. Be intentional about teaching your children what good communication looks like. Show them by speaking and acting the way Jesus would want you to.

Hail Storm, 2011

I thought I would share our experience with the storm from last week. It was definitely an experience I won’t soon forget!

Michelle and I knew we were going to get hit hard, but we didn’t know how hard. After making sure we had candles, flashlights, etc., we went to get some sandwiches. Returning home, we had a picnic in the garage, watching the clouds go by and the trees beginning to move.

Even after church sent out that services had been canceled for the evening, we weren’t completely convinced we were going to get hit real hard, because all we were seeing was rain. At one point, David runs out into the drive way, running around in the rain, no care in the world…..

Around 7, we cut off the computer and TV. We were sitting around the dining room table: Michelle and Abby scrap booking, me paying bills, and David running from window to window, giving us a status update every 5 minutes. Still, we had no real concern. We had yet to hear about the storms hitting Alabama…..By 7:30pm, I had decided that it was all for nothing. It was just rain! All we were getting was rain! Michelle and I are responsible for our children’s programs on Sunday mornings, and we use Wednesday as our night to practice with other volunteers. I actually thought to myself, “what a waste. When are we going to practice???”

A little after 8, David and I had just walked inside from throwing some baseball (the rain was hit and miss), when "IT" hit. At first, it was just massive rain. Then the lightning came through. But when the hail hit, we headed for the hall! David had his flashlight, Abby her stuffed animals. I had never heard hail that loud before. Michelle and I lived in Memphis for 4 years, and never experienced anything like this. The hail only lasted 3-5 minutes, but it was amazingly intense! We couldn't hear each other, because the hail was hitting our house so hard.

After it was over, we walked outside in the backyard, stepping on golf ball sized hail stones. It looked like a war zone. Limbs and leaves were lying on the ground from where they were ripped out of the trees! I checked the weather channel on my phone, and notice the second storm cell coming through. We headed in doors, and hunkered down once more.

The second storm was just as severe and just as quick! However, this time it knocked out our power. During this storm, Abby starts getting a little upset, and my son looks over at her and says, “its ok, I prayed to God, so He will keep us safe.” Abby looks at him then with this, “oh, ok” kind of look. Her entire demeanor changes and she begins playing with her stuffed animals, while the golf ball sized hail stones pummel our house. Michelle and I look at each other with a strange mixture of disbelief and pride…..

After the second storm passed over, we went back outside to check the damage. Thankfully, no structural damage to the house! Well, we would find out the next day our siding had been damaged as well as the roof. But at the time, the only noticeable damage was Michelle’s hostas.

I took the kids to bed, and said a prayer of thanksgiving over them. They went to sleep, soundly, and peacefully.

Michelle and I started calling our family in Chattanooga, checking in to make sure they are ok. Sitting in the dark, we sat there in conversation about the evening. It was part open prayer of thankfulness to God and another part of awe in the powerfulness of nature. We were in the middle of talking about what we wer going to do about the hostas that got destroyed when Michelle gets a phone call from one of our college students: “I am heading to your house. Our house got hit bad, and my back window of my car is knocked out.” Turns out, the college student’s house had received massive structural damage, and they had to leave it, not knowing its fate until the morning.

It seems the estimated damage in Knox County alone was over 10 million dollars. I have no doubt it will only rise as the weeks go by. Michelle and I are amazingly blessed. We are going to need some new siding, a roof, and some gutters. But I know of others that may have lost their entire house. Many have lost there cars. I know of one lady that got her head cut open, trying to cover her car! What this experience taught me was that nothing is sacred. We can not hold on to anything! A wise man once told me, "the harder you hold on to something, the more it hurts when it is wripped out of your hands." Thsi statement has so much more meaning to me now after experience this storm.

Initial Thoughts from Reading "Radical"

I just started “Radical”, by David Platt. I’ll be honest, it’s a hard book to read. It’s a hard book to start. It’s a hard book to pick back up.

Almost right off the bat David starts discussing a passage out of the bible that has always fascinated me: John chapter 6. At the beginning of the chapter, Jesus feeds about 5 thousand people. Around vs. 14 and 15 you get the sense that the people believe that “He is the Prophet who is to come into the world”. Immediately He leaves, because He gets the feeling they were going to seize Him and make Him king. The next scene has Him walking on water. Once in the boat, it immediately appears on the shore (vs. 21)! As he starts talking to the crowd, He tells them quite plainly that they only seek him, not for the miraculous signs, but because he fed them. As He starts talking to them about believing in “the one whom God sent”, they begin asking about miraculous signs again. Jesus tells them about the manna from heaven, and how God fed the Israelites that way. But he doesn’t stop there. He amps up by proclaiming, “I am the bread of life” (vs. 35). He then continues to tell them that anyone who comes to him will go hungry or be thirsty. As the story escalates more and more, Jesus finally proclaims in vs. 53 “…unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in yourselves.”

As David Platt puts it, “Not exactly the sharpest church-growth tactic. I can almost picture the looks on the disciples’ faces. ‘No, not the drink-my-blood speech! We’ll never get on the list of the fastest-growing movements if you keep asking them to eat you.’”

And I’ll be honest: I have to agree. As you read through the next few verses, many of His disciples complain about his teachings being too hard, and that they don’t understand. Jesus doesn’t seem to be very sensitive to their feelings as he proclaims, “Does this cause you to be offended?...” (vs. 61). Again, this type of action doesn’t draw the greatest of crowds. At this point in your average western world Christian church, sermons start to get a little softer. Messages begin to be a little tamer. We do our best to not offend so as to push people away. We back off from the teachings of Jesus, because we are afraid to offend someone. But not Jesus! He amps it up, and people begin to leave. We see in verses 66 and 67 that so many people leave, that its possible only twelve remain with Him….

And that is where “Radical” begins…. Like I said, “ouch.”

The reading of this book has some pretty good timing as our congregation is going through some tough times presently. We have seen people leave, and we find ourselves asking, “What could we have done to keep them?” We also find ourselves asking questions like, “what can we do to draw more people into our church? How can we be more visible in our community?” Don’t get me wrong: ministry leaders should be very sensitive to not burning out volunteers. Church leaders should understand the demographic of the community and what the community needs are.

But this passage out of John 6 strikes a completely differ chord. Jesus knows who the true believers are, and he seems to push the others away. In fact, he seems to amp up the ‘weird’ stuff. I mean think about it: if you are around during Jesus time, waiting for the messiah to appear, you start following this guy thinking He is going to lead a rebellion against the Romans. All of a sudden He gets fed up with all the politics and starts talking about the only way to have eternal life is to eat His flesh and drink His blood?!? Don’t you think you might take a second look at your decision to follow Him? I’m just saying…..

I guess my point is that I think it is time to stop coddling to people and just teach the message of Jesus. We have to put Him first in every aspect of our life. Our finances should reflect spending habits that would make Him proud; not just using the church as a tax right off. The way we talk should inspire others; people should know we are Christians just by how we speak. Our weekly calendar should reflect activities of community service, outreach, and worship on a regular basis. I’m not saying I’m perfect and that I have this down, because I definitely don’t. What I am saying is that we need to start being intentional about our decision to follow Jesus, and make our decisions based on that. We shouldn’t be concerned with how many people might not like what we are doing, if we are living a life that reflects Jesus. Because if you are doing a good thing you will upset people. You can’t make everyone ‘happy’ and that certainly shouldn’t be our ultimate goal.

Transactional Relationships

I was hanging out with some friends this weekend, when we started talking about relationships. One of them made the comment, “but I have invested so much into this relationship.” As you can imagine, this got me thinking….

When I hear phrases such as this, it makes me think that some consider relationships to be somewhat like a transaction. In other words, “if I put this much into it, then I should expect this kind of return.” Relationships do not work that way. That’s why love is so weird. It doesn’t follow basic Newtonian physics where you can PREDICT through various inputs, variables, and constants what it is going to do. This is why there are things like, “love at first sight, I fell head over heels for him, she makes me feel tingly all over.” It’s the same for why some would break laws for their spouses, while others won’t lift a finger for theirs. Relationships, and more specifically, marriages, are not transactions. Yes, you have to put effort into them. Yes, there are expectations, but there is no relationship between “I expect this kind of interaction, because I put this much work into it.” Think about it: How do you put a value on effort?

When we look at relationships from a transactional stand point, the other person will inevitably, disappoint us. It doesn’t matter how awesome they are, how drop dead gorgeous they are, or how rich they are. Because as long as we have a concept that “I have put X amount of time, energy, LIFE into this, therefore I deserve Y”, then we will never ever be fully satisfied.

However, when we look at a relationship from the stand point of both put into “this” to make it work, with God at the helm, then the relationship will progress in a positive manner. It won’t be perfect, as nothing is perfect but God, however, it will look more like what God intended. It will be beautiful in all respects. I guess you could say that true love is most apparent when there are fewer transactions within the relationship.

If you are in a relationship, do you do certain things so that you get certain things?

Excuse me sir, do you know where your soul will spend eternity?

I got witnessed to yesterday. It wasn’t the first time, and I am sure it won’t be the last. I was at a local mountain bike park, putting my gear on, when this guy came up to me, “hey man how is it going? You come here often?” I’ll be honest, the initial conversation kind of threw me for a loop. It sort of sounded like the beginnings of a pickup line! I was a little nervous; I’m not going to lie! Anyway, we exchanged names, then he hit me with it: “brother, can I give you a tract that shows how the bible is the absolute truth and that we should do exactly what it says?”

“Sure, man,” I responded. “I am a college minister, and I am always looking for new material!” Amazingly, he looked a little dejected and yet, relieved at the same time. It’s like he was thinking, “oh you’re a Christian? I wasted all that energy building up the nerve to come over to a total stranger to share my faith, something that is the most important part of my existence, and you already are saved?! I sure wish you had a ‘I’m a Christian, save your energy for someone else T-shirt’, but now that I know you are ‘one of us’ we can go share something that is very special and dear to my heart: bike riding!” Well, maybe that wasn’t exactly what he was thinking, but I am sure it was close….

Witnessing is one of those things us Christians do that a lot of non-Christians just don’t understand. And for us Christians, a lot of times its just plain awkward. Think about it: you go up to a complete stranger, ask them how their day is going, wait the proverbial (and polite) 5 seconds and then because we are so nervous about witnessing to a total stranger we interrupt their answer by blurting out something like: “if you died right now, do you know where your soul would spend eternity?” THERE!!!! I said it! And not only did I say it, I said it to a total stranger!!!! Here, have a tract with strategically orchestrated verses that are probably taken out of context to scare you into going to church 5 days from now….The other guy is thinking, “dude, I just want to pay for this latte!” Somehow, we Christians think that we can get into a deep conversation with someone by “going all the way”: eternal salvation. Sharing your faith is a great thing, but starting at the end of the Story is not the Gospel.

I think my most unusual experience with being witnessed to was sitting in an airport in Shanghai, waiting to come home after 3 weeks in China. This particular trip was actually the second trip in the course of two months. The first one went pretty good, until the day I was heading to the airport. There was an issue at the plant I was working at, and I had to return the following week. So its at the end of this second trip that this Caucasian lady comes up to me. I’ll admit I was rather grumpy, and wanting nothing more but to be home. But she decides to come over and talk to me about Jesus….

Think about that for a moment……

A Caucasian lady comes up to a Caucasian man, in the SHANGHAI AIRPORT (that’s china for you geologically challenged public schoolers) to give a testimony that is supposed to be the most important thing in her life!!

It turns out that she was at the end of a mission trip where her group had “witnessed” to hundreds of Chinese peasants out in the country, handed out hundreds of bibles, and prayed for all kinds of things with these new converts. I’ll be honest, I was quite impressed with her story. But then she chooses me to tell the Good News one more time, before going home?!? What was it about me that led her over to me? Was it my shirt? The book I was reading?

I responded that yes I know Jesus, and He and I are pretty close. Amazingly, she responded with almost a half hearted, “oh. Well…. That’s great. Just great.”

A couple of years ago Michelle and I were involved with a church that decided it would be a good idea to hand out “business cards” with “the message” on them. We were convinced they were not tracts! They were business cards! Surely people would be more accepting of a business card! Can’t you see it now? “excuse me sir, how is your day going?”

“its going…”

“great. Glad to hear. I have this business card here with the story of Jesus on it. I was wondering if you would be interested in taking it and learning about how to save your soul.”

“…uh, sure. Man, I’m glad that you weren’t going to hand out a tract. But a business card, well that’s different! I’ll see you at church next Sunday!”

“Sweet.”

What is it that tells us we can put the story of Jesus on to a business card, give it to someone, and everything will be OK? The book of John clearly tells us if everything was written down about what Jesus did, there wouldn’t be enough space on the earth to hold them all. Its almost like we use the tracts (sorry, business cards) as a “get out of evangelism card”. If we hand them out, then we don’t have to get close to them….

I have to confess that I actually left one of these business cards with a tip at a local restaurant. I felt pretty good about myself. It was a subtle gesture. We had been to the restaurant a couple of time previous, and coincidentally knew the waitress didn’t go to church. So that SUNDAY, I dropped my own bomb in the way of a “business card” along with my expected 15.7% tip. Hey, she was late on the drink refills a couple of times! Give me a break…..

A year or so later we were at another restaurant. I am not sure how it started, but we found ourselves in the middle of a conversation with the waiter. He was a really cool guy, who was very interested in what we were doing. We found ourselves talking to him about almost everything. He asked about our kids. Where we were from. We asked about his life. He was married, no kids. Then out of the blue: “…blah blah blah…our church…blah blah blah… God has blessed me so much…. Blah blah blah.” It just flowed like water. It took me a minute, but he was telling his story of Jesus, but it was in a way that it was just a part of his life! So, I decided to drop my bomb on him, “do you go to church?” His face answered the question, before his mouth did, “yeah, man. But I work a lot, and sometimes I work on Sundays. But it’s cool. God is with me all the time.” I was waiting for the tract, but it never came! Michelle and I spent a few more minutes talking with him, and in the middle of talking to him, he mentioned something about getting some “business cards” as a “tip” recently. He wasn’t real pleased with that….

It’s not that I am opposed to tracts. I think they can be effective. But if all you do is hand one out, you are missing the true Message of Jesus. To reach someone, you have to build a relationship with them. You have to show them Jesus through your actions: being positive in thinking, using God’s name in a complimentary and respectful manner, giving Him the credit. You have to be genuinely interested in someone’s life. You have to be patient, and being patient is hard. I think one reason why the earth couldn’t hold all the books of Jesus life is because if it did, we would find some way of handing it out to people. Jesus wants us to get know people. He wants us to express Him through our actions. When we know people and express Him through our actions, we are spreading the message of Jesus. I wonder if that would fit on a business card……

Traveling

Well, I am sure by now many of you are wanting an update on Michelle’s trip to Italy. You are going to have to wait until next week, after she gets home! I am most certain she is going to have amazing stories of her adventure. Stay tuned….

A couple of days before Michelle left on her trip, she came home and walked right up to me rather determined. I could see it coming, and it was a walk, of, “we are fixing to have a discussion of something of high importance!” I wasn’t really sure what it was going to be about, but I did have enough time to reflect back over the last few days to see if I had forgotten anything: Take the garbage out? Pick David up from ball practice? Did I leave my kids at church? I thought I was free and clear! Then she said, “when were you going to tell me about the terrorist threat in Europe?!”

Alright, I’ll admit it: I wasn’t expecting that one. True, I knew about the terrorist threat. True, I had researched it to the best of my abilities, and determined that there was a relatively low risk of an event happening in Europe during the week her and mother would be there, and even lower probability of something happening in the specific locations on her itinerary. So, based on my analysis, I chose to not mention it to her, saving her any undo anxiety…..

“I didn’t tell you because I saw no immediate threat to your travel plans, and didn’t want to have this conversation we are fixing to have,” I said rather dejectedly. With her hands on her hips, she looked at me in a way that would tell anyone that wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but somehow expecting. I went on to tell her the specific threats, and how I believe she and her mother would still be safe, and that if I felt that there was a possibility of her being injured, I would have asked her not to go. After a while, she began to calm down, but I am pretty sure that even now, I am not completely out of the woods.

Anyway, the week goes on, her mom comes up, we take them off to the airport, and away they went to Italy. Presently, they are having a great time, and I look forward to the numerous stories they will be telling when they return.

The kids have been absolutely awesome the last few days. Don’t get me wrong: they miss their mom, but they seem to know she is ok. We pray each night that her and grandma are safe, and that they return on time, and ok. They just seem to have this peace about them, knowing she and grandma will be ok. I’ll be honest, we have had a few conversations about “missing mommy”, and “when does she get home?”, but for the most part, its business as usual.

I think a lot of their acceptance has to do with my travels to China a few years back. They would escort me to the airport, give me a big hug, and then send me on way for 3 weeks. Those trips were absolutely brutal. But the kids got used to me leaving, and me returning. For them, just going to the airport was an adventure! In the end, they knew I would be back.

But I don’t think it’s just my trips that have helped my kids this time. I think they know God is with mom and grandma, and that He is going to keep them safe. Abby continually sings about God being everywhere. David asks about “going to church” in Italy. Their prayers are focused on keeping mommy safe. We haven’t specifically talked about God’s presence with them on their trip, but something tells me that they believe it.

I firmly believe without a sense of presence of God in one’s life, that life is a lot more anxious. We have to make decisions ourselves. When plans like possible terrorist threats look to derail our travel plans, we start looking to see what we can do about it. The only thing we can do about that is decide to not go! But knowing God is with you, knowing you are saved by a belief in Jesus and what He did for you, knowing you have a unique purpose in this life; these things bring peace to an otherwise anxious life. True, we can make a lot of decisions on our own, but if you don’t have to, why would you?

I think my kids are teaching me a lesson in regards to what Jesus says about having a faith like these little ones. It’s amazing how much we can learn from children, specifically in regards to their faith. They truly believe that mommy and grandma will be ok, and that will be home soon. They just will. Period. Somewhere along the way while we are growing up, we decide what is best for ourselves. How unfortunate is that?

Things (not) to Say in Church

Michelle introduced me to a book this weekend: “Permission to Speak Freely” by Anne Jackson. It’s a book that was inspired by Anne’s blog, when she asked the question: “what is one thing you feel you can’t say in church?”

When I first heard what it was about, I was immediately skeptical: “How could there possibly be something you can’t say in church?” Church is a place where one should feel safe, able to think openly, is accepted for who you are, feel surrounded by other believers with a common goal, etc….

But then I started thinking about this question…. Is it possible that there are things that we (Christians) are NOT supposed to say in church? Maybe another way of looking at it is, “are there things others in our own congregations PRAY we never say?”

Are there certain topics that we know we don’t discuss? Demanding justification for financial aid comes to mind…. Are you worthy for the money we can offer you? Yes, you are only asking for us to pay your heating bill this month, but how do we KNOW you will actually use this money for the heating bill, and not alcohol or the lottery, or…..? We require a signed declaration of where the funds are to be used (our approval obviously), and in the event that we find out that our funds have been used for other services or purchases without the written consistent of us, the leaders, you are required to pay back in full plus 50%. I mean, come on! People have actually asked for food for their children, then turned around and used that money for gas in their car. Who knows where they went using our money for gas! We can’t trust people these days!

Are there individuals that we shouldn’t question? The preacher is always right. The elders know what is best. They have been leading that ministry for decades now! They know what they are doing. The personality of the church is driven by the personality of the leaders.

Are there questions we don’t ask, because we don’t want to hear the answer? Why didn’t I pick up that homeless guy on the way to our church’s Family Meal time? Because he would lower the average net income of our congregation. He smells (it would cost so much to clean the interior of my SUV, so I am actually being a good steward of God’s money by NOT picking him up….) He looks scary and w are trying to attract DINKS (dual income no kids ) into our church family! We need their (the DINKS, not the homeless man!) “tithing” to meet our budget! How do you expect us to attract upper class families when we have lower class individuals among us? Quite frankly, I don’t want to associate with him.

Are there sins we don’t confess, because of the retribution they will bring? Growing up, the fastest way to get you kicked out of a congregation was to confess adultery, divorce, or struggling with homosexuality. It seems back then, Christians were perfect in all respects and demanded no less from anyone who even might be considering becoming one. Heaven forbid you were a preacher or considered to be a leader in a congregation and get caught up in the drama of an illicit affair! That immediately won you an “open letter” (thanks to John Acuff for this thought!) sent to all surrounding churches (within the proper denomination of course) explaining in gross detail the facts of your sin, verses to backup why you were dis-fellowshipped, and what could possibly happen to a congregation that would even cherish the thought of accepting you(supporting verses included obviously). We are so fortunate that situations like this don’t happen anymore!

Whoa….. Maybe there is more to this topic than I originally thought.

Well, I am going to give credit to Anne Jackson for sparking this particular blog. But now I am going to ask the question: what is something you feel you can’t say in church? And why? Don’t worry! It’s not like I am going to publish them! You can trust me. Only responses that include your full name, place of residence, and church membership will be considered legitimate.

Change, for the Better....

It’s been an interesting few weeks. Our kidzone program at church is starting up for the school year, My son moved up a grade, My little girl started school, and my college students are requesting changes to the program. Wow! Where do I start?!

So, if you are new to the blog “Kidzone” may not sound familiar. This is a program at our church where children and parents come together to learn bible stories, virtues, sing songs, and laugh. We do a LOT of laughing. There are also skits, where actors present a story in a way that is memorable. Our annual program started again last Sunday, and I am really looking forward to this year.

One of the major changes this year is that our youth group is going to be more involved in our “family time” program (kidzone). I am really excited about this change. And from some of the discussions within the youth group, they are excited as well. But it is not only them that are excited. My kids look forward to it. This is how we, as a congregation, have decided to educate our children about God’s Word and how to live their lives 7 days a week. The actors, media operators, and volunteers look forward to it as well.

School officially started for us this week. The first day of school is always a hard one for any parent. Michelle and I are involved in a home school co-op. This means that 3 days a week our children attend a school with a small class room setting, and the other days Michelle primarily teaches them through a lesson plan generated by the classroom teacher. This year, I plan to teach my son music, along with some shop skills such as wood working, and possible small engine repair. I am not real sure what that is going to look like yet, but I do have a plan. Change, it’s a coming….

My little girl started school this year! Many of you can relate, I know. There is something special about the bond between a dad and his little girl. It’s different from the relationship between his son. The son relationship is more on the lines of friend and possible cohort (depending on the act of sneakiness), mixed in with mentor, teacher, instructor. The relationship with a daughter is more, body guard, protector…. She is my little princess, even though she wants to go as fast as possible on jetskis, “fixes” her bike when daddy is in the garage, and can drop kick you like nobody’s business. She still loves pink, prefers skirts over shorts, and is not afraid to tell you if your blouse matches your shoes or not! She is “daddy’s little princess”. God is good. He knows how to combine the specific personalities with the right individuals. These are His creations. God bless them.

My College students are growing up to. We are starting our third year of college ministry at Farragut! At the beginning, we had 6 college students. We now have over twenty young adults attached to our group on a regular basis. Our focus is quite simple: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make you paths straight.” – Prov. 3:5-7. Instead of focusing on bible study time, Michelle and I pushed our group of young adults to serve more. Formally, we had one official bible study each week. We also set up multiple serving opportunities for them. It was up to them which one they did on a regular basis. Over the months it clicked. We have a couple of ministry areas that are not managed by us anymore, but by the college members. I think this is awesome! It shows the growth of maturity and responsibility that we try to foster within them.

However, recently they asked for something that, on the surface, went against my main philosophy. I personally don’t believe in having formal classes on Sunday mornings for college students. I would prefer to have those in my ministry serve on Sundays. Some disagreed. And it was out this particular group that some came to us and asked if we could provide a formal class on Sunday mornings. We told them to go for it, but that we would be doing our thing in Kidzone. The college students that serve in Kidzone were concerned that this “separation” would have the opportunity to create different “tribes” within our group. And it was at this point that we had to address a topic that Michelle and I have been avoiding for a year now.

Our ministry is approaching a time where we are going to have to multiply our group during formal bible study times. We have noticed that the discussions are not that deep recently. Many of the young adults speak in generalities, and not necessarily about personal struggles. We have ideas that we are speaking of, but nothing has been formalized as of yet. This previous Sunday evening was a great time of openness, where many of the young adults shared their feelings, concerns, and desires for the group. They are growing. Maturing. Most importantly they are changing in front of each other.

Change is hard. It’s hard for many if not all of us. I have been fortunate to be some type of change agent in most of my jobs. By that doesn’t make it easy for me. And in my present role as college minister, it is even more difficult. I have to somehow attract young adults into our group, make them feel welcome and accepting, and then push them out into the adult “programs” of “big” church. It’s hard; really hard. I mess up sometimes. I lose track of young adults on the fray. I assume my way is the best way, without giving theirs a chance to resonate. I am constantly trying to new approaches to reach them….

We left Sunday evening with changes to implement. They (the young adults) would be responsible for the formal class on Sunday mornings. I would be responsible for the time we are together on Sunday evenings. Once Kidzone was over on Sunday mornings, we would go to the class they were teaching. We are going to break up into small groups on Sunday nights with the intention to go deeper within the group. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Turning My Brain Off

Michelle and the kids finally got home last night. Every year, Michelle takes them down to her moms to spend the week there. The last few years this has not affected me too much, as I would be in China. However this year, I “had to fend for myself” for a week. It’s amazing how much I just turn off in my head when she is around. I’ll give you a few examples.

Grocery Store

Friday I went to the grocery store to get food for the week. Let me caveat that by saying I pretty much knew I had my weekend and week full for dinners and lunches, because I was going to be eating out with others to discuss business or hangout with college students. But for some reason, come Friday afternoon, I felt like I needed to go to the grocery store. Once I get there, it’s like I draw blank:

“What do I buy? I know I need to eat but what do I eat? Michelle cooks. What does she cook? I don’t cook. I grill. What would I grill? STEAK! Oh, wait I need jetski oil. I can do that! I have done that before. Jetski oil, steaks….. what else?”

By the time it was all said and done, I had spent almost as much as what Michelle would spend in a month for all of us! By the way, I haven’t eaten half of it.

Boat Safety

That evening, I took my jetskis out on the lake to do a test for in the morning. I had some teens planning to ride them, and I wanted to make sure they were riding ok before in the morning. I back the skis down into the water, and notice a LOT of gas floating on the surface. My initial thought was that someone previously had just emptied out their boat before loading it on to their trailer. As a jetski owner, this should have triggered an alarm, an alarm that normally would have been present with my wife and kids around….

I climb on top of one of the skis and begin to try to start the jetski. All of the sudden, a huge detonation comes out of the hull of the ski! This explosion blew the front lid open, shooting the storage compartment 3 feet up in the air! At the same time, a fire ball comes out of from under the seat singing the hairs on my legs. Turns out the gas floating in the lake was from my ski. It had a gas leak, and thanks to the ridiculously hot weather recently, there was a massive amount of gas fumes under the seat, waiting to be ignited.

Cleaning

On the way home on Sunday, our realtor called saying she had a showing. I get home and start looking around for floor cleaner. Turns out, glass cleaner does NOT clean ceramic floor tile! Where does all “that stuff” come from that I sweep off the hardwood floors? It’s only been me here for a few days! How does Michelle arrange the pillows on our bed so they look so “Ethan Allen” like? Do I leave lights on or off? Closet doors open or closed?

Cooking

I finally got around to cooking pizza. Slightly more conscious of my lack of attentiveness to certain tasks, I read the directions for the frozen pizza, and followed it to tee! I was so excited: preheat oven to 450 degrees. Check. Unwrap pizza from box. Already did that. Set on middle rack. We only have 2! Uh…. I’ll set it on the top and hope for the best. I come back in exactly 11 minutes, and the pizza is looking awesome. It’s got that brownish color to it that I love so much. I open the door, reach my hand into the oven, and am a milli second away from grabbing the thing WITH MY BARE HANDS, when a little voice in my head says, “hot.” It doesn’t scream at me like,” HEY! Idiot! Stop before you burn your fingers off!” It very politely and calmly says, “hot.” Thankfully, I listened.

These are only a few examples of how my brain seems to turn off when Michelle is around. There were others, like looking for Q-tips, pillows to sleep on, ceiling fan noise, door for the mailbox, etc. that I am not going to get into. The experience really showed how much I just seemed to have turned over to her. I wonder if she has similar experiences like these?

Relationships

This summer, our college group is doing a study on relationships. Instead of focusing on the classic, male - female kind, we are looking at one's relationships as a whole. In other words, we are studying the relationships that one has with friends, spouse, children, work, God, environment, etc. Basically everything. Its been eye opening for most of us when we start discussing Gods' expectations of us when it comes to our relationship with our pet dog.

Last week, I taught a class to a group of men about the concept of relationships and how we (human) were connected to pretty much everything we come in contact with while living on this planet. I used the verses Genesis 1:26 - 28 as a back drop. We are created in God's image. We are to rule over every living thing. We are to rule over the earth. We are to populate it.

I don't' want to get into an in depth discussion of what "image of God" means, but I do want to highlight one aspect. Being created in the image of God means trying to see the world the way He does. Treating people the way they deserve to be treated. Taking care of animals the way God would.

N. T. Wright has an excellent quote in "After You Believe": "Human is thus a kind of midway creature: reflecting God into the world, and reflecting the world back to God." Wow! What a concept! he goes on to say, "God placed Human in the garden to reflect His image into the new world He was making - that is, to be the means, present and visible, whereby His own care of garden and the animals would become a reality. And if human was going to do this, Human was going to have to keep in tune with God."

We all have this "feeling" when something is right or something is wrong. Where we get messed up is when we try to start justifying our actions. Murder is wrong. But what if someone is trying to kill my family? Its still wrong. This "feeling" of what is right or what is wrong in the world is "the Image of God". Things become more black and white the more in tune with God we are.

Along with the concept of image of God, the thought that we reign over the earth is amazing. God has given us the ability to rule over everything! However, that does not give us the right to mistreat animals and pollute His creation. We can not rule over something that is destroyed! Again, we must attempt to see this world the way God sees this world. We must be in tune with it, and we must be in tune with God.

How do you "get in tune" with God? How do you "see" people you come in contact with? Do you see God in them? Do you reflect God back to them? Do you view your pets as God's creation? What about those rodents? How do you see your place on this planet?

Views on Capitalism, Again

Recently, the big wigs at Goldman Sachs were brought before Congress to explain their role in what appears to be questionable practices in hedge fund management. There was a lot of swearing by congressman, accusations of breaking the law, vehement monologues that nothing Goldman did was illegal, and in short, nothing was actually accomplished. All can agree that what Goldman Sachs actually did was immoral, but not necessarily illegal. Also recently, Obama actually made the statement, “I do think at a certain point you’ve made enough money.” Unfortunately, the fact that he made this statement is not surprising. But there is something in these two topics that I believe need discussing. That topic is the concept of capitalism and the MORAL responsibility to those that "have enough."

What is “enough”? Who “has enough”? Can you honestly say that if someone makes $_________ per year that that is enough money? The answer is no. Most everyone will say, "it depends on a number of factors such as, location, standard of living, debt to income ratio, dependents, etc." There is no absolute number that will fit all people. Now, I can say that recently Michelle and I had the conversation of “where did it all go this month?” Granted, we were able to identify where the money went, but it got me thinking again: “what is enough?” Truth is, I don’t have a very good answer. I find myself thinking that I don’t have enough on a not too frequent basis. I have to remind myself that there is a significant majority who don’t even have a home on this planet.

Historically, as people gain more and more money, they strive to spend more, give more, and save more. This is the beauty of our society, and this concept helps it to thrive. In short, as I am paid more, I will spend more and give more. Those who I give to spend more as well. This spending and giving improves the economy. As the economy improves, I make more money, thus spending and giving more. It’s a beautiful circle….

Our commander and chief would have us believe that he knows what the finite amount is that someone can earn. But do we really want to live in a culture that actually has a ceiling on financial growth? My answer is no. Unfortunately, the Goldman Sachs fiasco has led people to believe that our free market can (or at least should) have laws attached to it that force people to do the moral thing. This is not true. No amount of laws will force people to ALWAYS do the moral thing. Restricting someone's income, for any reason, will only force them to focus more on themselves, than on others.

If someone has a lot of money, they should give a lot of money to those in need. We all know this to be the case, because it is the moral thing to do. We all have a moral compass built inside of us. There should not be laws in place to force people to do the right thing with money. That‘s my problem with Obama’s statement and congress wasting tax payer money trying beat up executives taking advantage of rules already set forth in the financial arena. Because here is the question: “how much money do I give?” Would I really give enough if I am forced to give?

We want billionaires to give away as much as possible. We don’t want entrepreneurs to be limited to a certain value. That defeats the purpose. What we want is for billionaires to recognize that the money actually isn’t theirs in the first place. Its God’s. He wants you to do wonderful things with it! So, instead putting laws in place to restrict growth, let’s start encouraging those with more to give more. How do we do that?

Ask

A couple of weeks ago I taught a class at church on relationships. It centered on the scripture from Matthew 7:7 – 11, “Ask, Seek, and Knock.” Those who are raised in church, or even attend church regularly, will hopefully see this passage as familiar. We instinctively go to the thought of something like, “if I ask God for it, He will give it. If I am TRULY sincere in my request, and CONTINUALLY ask, He will provide it.” However, recently I heard a different take on this passage. That’s what the class about.

My problem with saying this passage is JUST about “ask God for it, and he will give it” is that it makes God out to be some type of spiritual vending machine. I guess another way of putting it, is it makes Him out to be nothing more than a “facilitator for our narcissistic desires” (I wish I could take the credit for that phrase, but alas, I can’t! Thanks Rob Bell for that description....). Because the truth is, what happens to us when God DOESN’T answer our prayers the way we want Him to? At the most, we try to convince ourselves that He knows what is best (because He does), and we try move on with our lives. At the worst, we say that there is no God, because He didn’t answer our prayers….

I think that there is something else we can get out of this passage. I think in some ways, Jesus is saying this is how we should be with each other. We should “ask” for help. We should “seek” each others’ friendships. We should “knock” for opportunities to be with each other. Look, this isn’t blasphemy or “misinterpreting the bible”, so don’t even go there. I really think that there is something to comparing this passage to how we are to interact with each other. Let me clarify:

I think one has to look at chapter 6 and 7 almost in the same breath. Take a look at Chapter 6 out of Matthew. It’s about entrusting our lives to God. Specifically, vs. 25 – do not worry about your life…. By the end of chapter 6, Jesus is trying to show how much of a waste it is to worry. Just look at how many calories you burn worrying about trivial things that you have no control over in the first place! It is such a waste of energy! When you put all of your life (what you eat, what you will wear, how long you will live, etc.) before God, you become a non-anxious presence with yourself. You have entrusted yourself to God.

Now, take a look at chapter 7. It’s about our relationship with others. “Don’t judge, lest you be judged.” When we are NOT a calm presence in peoples’ lives we are trying to control them. In this way, we see people for their value in what they can do for us. We shouldn’t control people. We shouldn’t judge. We shouldn’t condemn. We shouldn’t look at the spec in the other person’s eye. These are how we control others through negative means. In the same way, we shouldn’t manipulate others. Throwing something valuable (pearl) to someone who can not appreciate it, is only one way we control people (give gifts to those to change their habits). This is done through “positive means”. Pushing gifts on people CAN be a form of controlling others. We get what we want by controlling people through negative things (judging and condemning) and positive things (gifts and sacred things).

So, if I am reading these passages together, and God is trying to teach me how to have a relationship with Him (chapter 6), and He is also teaching me how to have a relationship with others (chapter 7), it seems it would be obvious that the next train of thought would be how to do these things. If I turn EVERYTHING over to God, how do I interact with Him? If I no longer want to control or manipulate people, what would be a healthy way to interact with them? Could it be to ask? Seek? Knock?

Let’s look at the “relationship with others” part. When we ask, we are honoring the free will of the other person. We respect them. We are not coercing them (throwing pearls). It’s not manipulation, because they can always say NO. Having the right to say “no” is key.
Here is an example. You are at home. It’s the middle of the night. Your spouse starts having chest pains. They are so bad; you know you should take them to the emergency room. But what do you do with your kids? Do you call someone? Do you take them with you? And if you do call, who do you call and what do you say? Those you are most close to will be the first you think of. You HOPE you won’t “bother them” by waking them at 4 in the morning. You also “trust them” with your children as you go to take care of your spouse. And if you are like me, you almost inadvertently say something like, “sorry to bother you so late, but….”

Now, let’s say you don’t call. Let’s say you decide to NOT “bother them”. You take the kids to the emergency room, and they sit (sleep) in the waiting room. Turns out, after the tests, your spouse is ok. You and your family go home and start your day. You get to the office, go for a cup of coffee, meet your buddy and begin telling your story from the previous night. What do you think the first thing out of his mouth is going be? “Dude, you could have called me.” And don’t we think that? “If he had gone to the emergency room with his wife, he could have called me. Why did he think he couldn’t call me? We are bros!” And if we are honest with ourselves, there would be a part of us that is actually hurt when we find out they didn’t ask us, even if it is at 4 in the morning.

Our problem is independence. Our culture in America today dictates that if we are not on a path that leads to independence as soon as possible, then there is something wrong with us. We can pick it out of conversation that we have with each other:

“Sorry to bother you. Sorry for calling so late. I hate to ask this of you….”
If we take these phrases apart, could we not respond to a close friend like, “So, I guess what I am hearing is, our friendship is such that you actually feel sorrow in the core of your body when you ask me to do something? That is the existent of our relationship? Asking me for help hurts you that badly?” Is this what friendship is really about? Asking someone for help strengthens a relationship. Doing it without the tag lines (“I’m sorry to….) makes it even stronger. And one more thing: we shouldn’t feel obligated to pay them back when they actually do help us! We should feel comfortable asking for help, and they should feel like they are not owed anything. Think about it: when you help a friend in need, do you continually bring it back up, subconsciously expecting some type of payment? So why feel obligated to pay them back? I’m not saying you don’t do good things for your friend. I am just saying we shouldn’t feel obligated to do something good, because they did something good for us. That sounds like a blog for another day....

Jesus definitely gets a little confusing about what relationship He is referring to in this passage. If you look at the rest of the verses, Jesus tells a parable in verses 9 and 10 about fathers and their children. He then is rather clear in vs. 11 about our relationship with God. But then he ends the passage in vs. 12 about dealing with others. All I am saying is, I don’t believe the “ask, seek, and knock”, is JUST about dealing with God. It’s also about dealing with each other as well.

This isn’t the only passage where the lines between our relationships with each other are also blurred with our relationship with God. Just look at Matthew 6: 14 and 15, Matthew 22:37 – 40, or James 3:10. These are just a few of the passage that show how we interact with each other reflects our relationship with God. It is IMPOSSIBLE to praise God and slander someone else. It can’t be done. I mean, we might physical sing praises to God, and then cuss the guy who cut us off as we were going to Sunday lunch. But in our hearts, these actions cannot be done. When we worship God, we gain a respect for other people. How we deal with others helps us to deal with God. The way we interact with each other is deeply reflective of how we interact with God. And, how we understand God is transformed into our relationships with others.

So, we need to learn how to ask. It will make the relationship stronger.

What Could be

Recently Michelle finished a book by Frank Viola. I’ll be honest: I probably agree with about half of what he writes about. He comes across very emphatic about a lot of his beliefs. This bluntness rubs me the wrong way. It’s almost like, “if you don’t believe what I believe then you are wrong.” Kind of like how I am at times. Oh, wait a minute…. I am sure he is a decent guy, and if I knew him personally, would probably think completely differently. It’s really hard to get your views down on paper and then have them come out exactly how you expect them to. I should know: I am constantly pulling my foot out of my mouth…. I am almost certain that I am going to get a talking to from my ministry buddies after they read this blog.

Anyway, back to the stuff I actually agree with that Viola wrote in the book that Michelle was reading. He made a comment that he believed that ministry leaders (pastors, preachers, children’s ministry leaders, college ministers, etc.) should NOT be paid full-time by their local congregation. He made some very impressive arguments some of which included: 1) where is the book chapter and verse in the bible for full time staff? 2) Think of the money that could be directed to missions, benevolence, etc. 3) tends to stifle the Holy Spirit in other members because they (the members) subconsciously look to the “leader of the church” (full paid staff) for guidance, along with a few more.

However, this blog is about a specific reason for not having full paid staff. You see, Michelle and I have been running into a particular issue for years now. It didn’t matter what church we attended, because I am almost certain that it is universal. What I am talking about is the concept of “what could be”. I have heard numerous conversations about “what the church could be”, if we _____________, and we (members) do tend to look toward the full time staff to fill in the blank. Unfortunately, full time ministers tend to NOT be as blunt about the direction, focus, vision, whatever you want to call it, with their ministry and/or congregation. Full time ministers, in general, can feel they need to make sure everyone is happy, for the sake of their job. They know what needs to be done. They are fully aware of the personalities and dynamics within their own congregation. They understand how the Holy Spirit works in their particular congregation. Unfortunately, they can be resistant, because if an idea is too “out there”, then they could very well lose their job. This is an unfortunate situation.

I am almost certain that in every congregation Michelle and I have been a part of, there was at least one minister that was an “out of the box” thinker around the coffee table, but could revert to safer waters when they spoke in public. And seriously, do you blame them?! If one’s job was HIGHLY dependent on what you said on a weekly basis, do you blame them?

It absolutely amazes me how many conversations I have had about “vision casting”, “what the church should be”, “where the focus of our money and time should be”, and a host of many others. I would be a part of these conversations, get really excited thinking that our church leadership was going to give a clear and concise direction on ministries, funding, growth opportunities, outreach, how accountability was going to work, etc. only to be gravely disappointed to hear yet another budgetary summary coupled with why we are not meeting budget, yet again. Or maybe it would be an anticipated sermon about the “direction of the church” and how members were going to be empowered, only to be met with a mundane, scripted discussion of how the church body just “needs to get out there” and show Jesus.

For centuries, mankind has followed great leaders who were able to vision cast their beliefs in a way that created followers. More often than not, these leaders were not afraid of the opinions of their followers. It amazes the amount of talent that is in church leadership these days. God is good, all the time! All around the country, there are men and women in leadership roles that are gifted by God to direct local congregations to spread the Good News in the unique ways that their particular congregation is designed for. But, we need leaders who are not afraid of the status quo. We need leaders who understand what changes need to be made in order to reach believers in the 21^st century. We need leaders who are able to express their passion for a ministry in a way that makes others beg to follow them. We need leaders filled with the Holy Spirit and can see that we are filled with the Holy Spirit as well. In my opinion, the MAIN way of doing these things, is to remove the barrier that so many ministers stand behind. Free them from their salaries, stop paying them full time, and start helping them get part time to full time jobs so that they can be released from thinking they have to say and do things to please everyone in a congregation. With that freedom, I truly believe we would see a growth in the church like what we see in the book of Acts. We need leaders, but more importantly, we need leaders who are not afraid to step on toes, hold people accountable, and blaze a trail with the Holy Spirit.