Part of my volunteer experience involves working with a
group of men who have a common cause to help mentor young men in a way that
they recognize the responsibilities that God has for them. This group of men
represents a broad swath of the economic landscape. They include business
leaders, those in sales, instructors, scientists, and councilors. It sounds
like a mixed bag of interests, and in a way, it is. However, we have a common
focus: to live our lives in a way Jesus would live our lives. We have noticed a
trend in our own personal networks where there has been a lack of mature,
responsible young men coming into the work force and/or volunteer arena. This
wasn’t something that we intended on focusing with our time, but it was more of
a product of discussion… over time. Recently, it seems there has become more of
an epidemic for young men to accept their responsibilities. This has become
most clearly evident with employers trying to find “good help”.
Our group has been meeting for several years, discussing
numerous topics from a biblical nature. We started our gatherings as a way to
make ourselves better: Better husbands. Better fathers. Better employees.
Better business owners. Better leaders in our communities. The thought was, as
we got better, those around us would become better as well.
Our model is Jesus. Plain and simple. Not that Jesus is
plain, nor is His simple. Our teachings, how we want to live our lives, and our
decisions are centered around how Jesus would respond. What we found was quite
astonishing: those who did not know Jesus, were drawn to that way of life. And
for those who spoke “Jesus” in name only, tended to continue to simply do that:
speak His name with minimal change of a positive nature.
Those who are Christians, know there is a certain language
that is spoken, that is almost subconscious. Phrases such as: “personal
relationship with Jesus, getting your life right, prayerfully consider, seek
first the kingdom of God”, and many others are simply taken for granted by
those of us who are in church buildings on a regular weekend basis. We
understand what is “meant” when we hear the phrase in context. We have the
background, the years of hearing stories of someone’s walk, to grasp the
greater the context that someone is trying to explain. Unfortunately, when one
doesn’t understand this language, they have the potential to gravitate away
from it, and towards things they do understand.
I give you that background as a prequel to reason for this
particular post….
On chasing Dreams
It appears that over the last few years chasing dreams has
becoming the “it” thing to do. This chase is just one of many reasons why we
are finding fewer and fewer young men with responsible, moral, and ethical
decision making skills. I am of the opinion that this phenomena of chasing the
dream is mainly reflected by the fact people tend to write about their successes
more than their failures. We don’t read about failures simply because people
don’t write about them. Failure doesn’t sell. Giving up on a dream and
returning to the cubicle maze doesn’t sell books. People don’t follow failures
on Twitter. And we definitely don’t post about the mundane life on Facebook.
However, numerous books have been written about “giving up
your day” to go after your “passion”. Or “working less” to “live more” (The
4 Hour Work Week is my favorite in this category). They make movies about
these types of life altering decisions. Those who succeed end up on stage speaking
to thousands. There’s only one problem with the trend to chase your dream:
those that succeed are anomalies. They are not average. Most work their tail
off. Many of them sacrifice a lot. If everyone gave up their day job to pursue
their passion, there wouldn’t be movies about it, because we all want to watch
stories about things we can’t have.
I firmly believe that chasing your dream is biblical. But we
have to be careful that we don’t convince ourselves that our “passion” is self-centered
and not God centered. God knows the plans He has for us (Jeremiah 29:11). When we “seek first the kingdom of God”, we
ask things like:
What would Jesus do in this situation?
Is there going to be someone who is negatively impacted with
my decision?
How can I best encourage that person?
How does God see that person?”
These are just a few examples of many other questions that
should be asked with an outward focused bent. Going after something that you
are passionate about is a great thing, if you have the right focus. Unfortunately
today, the chasing your dreams phenomenon has a bent of:
If I can do it, I should.
I can’t stop thinking about it, so I must explore it.
And my personal favorite: “it’s for God’s glory, so I know
He will bless it.”
Decisions are then made with very little thought or
planning. Most make these decisions without even understanding that there are
responsibilities they have, whether born with them, or simply chose paths that
led to them. If you read a lot of these “chasing dreams” stories, most of them
had the dream for years. YEARS…. Think about that for a minute. The same dream,
over years. I have dreams. But I also got married. And had kids. And have a
job. And a mortgage. My dream may remain the same, but my RESPONSIBILITIES have
changed over time. And this is where we have to be very, very careful. Once
responsibilities are in the picture, the dream has to become secondary to your
responsibilities. I am not saying the dream dies. I am saying you have to
factor in how your decisions toward the dream will impact those you have a
responsibility to. To not do that, or to assume they can “simply get over it”,
or (my favorite) that “they will understand” is simply infantile.
Our Responsibilities as
Disciples
Here is the bitter, cold, yet hopefully somehow satisfying reality:
God requires us to do certain things as His followers:
Have respect for Him (Ecclesiastes 12:13, Psalm 111:10)
Keep His commands (1 John 5:3, John 14:15)
Imitate Him as best as humanly possible (Ephesians 5:1)
Spread His message (Matthew 28:19, Psalm 96:3).
When you decide to follow Jesus, you sign up to do these
things. You want to be a follower of Jesus? Great. Do these things. That
choice, to follow Him, incorporates responsibilities that are not tied to
unbelievers. Christ followers have a responsibility to Jesus to live their
lives a certain way. And here is the kicker: doing these things that He asks,
just makes the world a better place for everybody.
A perfect example of this is marriage. There is nowhere in
scripture where God require someone to become married, even though in current
religious circles it appears to be understood that you should. It’s like you
are an outcast if you are single. This is unfortunate, because there is nothing
in the bible where God demands we get married. There is no, “and this is how
they will know you are my disciples, if you get married and have numerous
children”. It’s just not there. But what IS there is how a man is to treat his
wife (Colossians 3:19, Ephesians 5:25, 1 Peter 3:7, Ecclesiastes 9:9). Once a
person chooses to get married, responsibilities that otherwise were not there
kick in.
Similarly, once you choose to have kids, responsibilities
kick in (Ephesians 6:4, Deuteronomy 6:5-7, Proverbs 1:8, 22:6). Children are a
parent’s responsibility to raise, no one else’s. We are to raise them so at
some point they can live on their own, not being a burden to society. We are to
raise them with a level of understanding of the gospel that they can make their
own decision from a moral and ethical stand point, so that decisions they make
benefit those around them. Kids are a not requirement. But once you have them,
providing for them, educating them, and helping them understand their purpose
is a parent’s responsibility.
Ok, so you don’t have any kids. Maybe you aren’t even
married. You have your whole life ahead of you. From your perspective, you have
no responsibilities. Your life is a blank canvas. This discussion doesn’t seem
to apply to you at all. Here is the thing…. As a child brought into this world,
we all have a responsibility to provide for our parents, and the bible is
pretty clear about this one.
Ephesians 6:1 tells the children to honor their parents.
Deuteronomy 5:16 is one of the 10 commandments, and the only one with a
blessing. Paul writes to Timothy in 1 Timothy 5:8 explaining that “if anyone
does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his
household, he has denied the faith and is worse than unbeliever.” Ouch. Even
Jesus gets into this topic when He addresses it in Matthew 15. He berates the
Pharisees for supporting traditions of “tithing” to the temple resources that
could have been used to provide support for one’s father and mother. Basically
it went something like this, “sorry dad. I can’t support you. I gave that money
to the church.” This practice was done as an unwritten way of getting around
the responsibilities of taking care of an aged parent. The child didn’t want
the responsibilities so they chose to give a lump sum to the temple. In return,
the temple leaders wouldn’t enforce harsh penalties on the child, and the aged
parents were left to fend for themselves. Today, this action takes numerous
forms: from assuming Social Security and Medicare are enough to using nursing
homes, simply because we don’t want to be bothered with an aged relative.
We ALL have responsibilities. We can’t run away from them.
We can’t justify NOT providing for those who are under our care, whether we
were born into situations, or we choose our situations. Part of being a man is
choosing to provide for those who are entrusted to our care. Do I watch my
favorite TV show, or instruct my child how to balance a check book? Do I
consistently go to the golf course, or do I take my wife a way for a one on one
weekend? Do I quit my day job, take out a loan to pay the bills, and THEN start
going down the path toward my dream, or do I KEEP my day job, take on a second
job, start saving, and planning accordingly so that when the time is right I
can have a better opportunity of success towards my dream? Let me reiterate:
chasing the dream is not the problem. It’s how it is chased that matters.
So how do I pursue my
dream?
In any decision we make, something else is sacrificed. Making
the wise choice is very important. When I choose to work more hours (over
time), I sacrifice time with my family. Just acknowledging this realization is
usually helpful with decisions regarding our dreams. You will sacrifice
something.
You want to chase your after dreams? That’s great. But plan
accordingly.
Make sure you already have the financial ability to pay the
bills for a SPECIFIC period of time. Write that time out. Budget monthly for
that period. Reduce your expendable income to as little as possible. And please
do not justify frivolous spending as “needed expenses” to reach your dream. Be
smart. Make sure you really need to spend it. This will allow you to have
better margin as you approach the time period you established to stop pursuing
your dream. It’s possible you may need to be a little more aggressive towards the
end time frame, and it would best if you had that margin to allow you to do so.
Have an accountability partner who will check in on you.
Show them your budget. Allow them to be brutally honest with you. Meet with
them regularly.
You must be able to cut off your pursuit BEFORE your
financial source runs out. Pick a date, and a dollar amount: “If our bank
account reaches this amount $____ by this given date, I will pause on my
pursuit, seek a job that I can get immediately (no matter what it is), and work
until our bank account is at $_____. We (spouse and I) will then discuss pursuing
the dream again, given our current state of affairs.”
If you are married, talk to your spouse about this. A lot.
Are they prepared to work? Are YOU prepared to work multiple jobs? If you have
kids, talk them about it. Be honest with them about not being around as much
for a period of time. Kids are a lot more understanding about things like this
when they know the “why”. More importantly: What are you not willing to
sacrifice to pursue your dream?
Consistently read the bible, looking for God’s word to speak
into you with wisdom regarding your decision. Pray about it. Listen to what God
is telling you.
Ask for help.
But, above all, never justify turning over your
responsibilities to someone else because you believe “God has placed it on your
heart”. He doesn’t work that way. He doesn’t encourage us to do something that
has the impact of making someone else’s life miserable. God is consistent. He
is the same. You can always count on Him to do what He knows is best. I think
for many us, we have been tricked into thinking that consistency and “sameness”
are somehow not dream worthy. The truth is, being responsible and providing for
others is the most important pursuit we could possibly do.
No comments:
Post a Comment