Yet another comment on the inherent difference between boys and girls. When my son was three I bought him this great pumpkin sweat suit to wear around Halloween. Nothing too over the top, orange pants and a jack-o-lantern face on the shirt. The orange hood has one small leaf on it. He was adorable. I have been waiting for some time for my daughter to fit into this outfit so I can have comparison pictures. Unfortunately she will have NOTHING to do with it. This is, I believe, related to the difference between three-year-old boys and girls. My son cared nothing about his clothes at three. His wardrobe was dictated completely by me, except for a few small statements by his father, such as "You can not dress him in sweater vests!" Years later he does have some opinions, mostly as it relates to the "coolness" of the object in question. Polo shirts? Uncool. Dragon shirts? Very cool. Unfortunately the school dress code does not allow for dragon shirts.
My daughter has a lot to say about her wardrobe. She is currently in denial of the fall and intentionally dresses in shorts and tank tops in the morning. This requires us to have conversations and wardrobe adjustments to leave the house. I will have to go in there and hide the summer clothes from her. This is a repeat of what I had to do last year. (Notice she has had opinions about her clothes for a long time) I happily got out the pumpkin outfit a few days ago. She refused - vehemently. I am still hoping to get a picture but my expectations are low.
Now if the pumpkin was only pink....
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
* Practicing Patience
Today I am practicing patience. Right now my son is finishing his school project. As I sit here I can hear cutting and I have no control over the outcome. I gave him the supplies and am sitting in another room. There are several things going through my mind right now...
- I truly want him to do this project on his own.
- I want him to be proud of it.
- I want him to take it to school tomorrow and do well. (I want the teacher to grasp that he did this himself while simultaneously being impressed)
- I must not go in there and take over....
- I miss school....
- I am such a nerd.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Goggles
"Distance makes the heart grow fonder". In other words, if you are away from your sweetie for an extended period of time, when you are together again, the initial time is so awesome.
I have heard this phrase for some 20 plus years now, and it is absolutely true. There was a similar phrase that kind of poked fun at it, and it can be summed up as "oggle goggles". For the men, I am sure you know what I mean. What this tries to represent is a description of how the beauty of your lovely tends to grow the more you are away from her. Alas, when you are back in her presence, the magnificant beauty is not near the glamour you thought she was.
I got home on Thursday evening, after a 3 week trip to China. All the way home, I kept thinking about Michelle, and how beautiful she was. I imagined my son and daughter (the cutest things in the world) running to tackle me once they saw me.
As usual, I was not disappointed. Michelle was as beautiful as always. The kids were just as excited to see me as I was them. There is nothing cooler than seeing your little ones take your bags away from you, and carry them themselves.
This is what it is all about. Not being disappointed with your spouse, ever. Wrestling with your little ones, because you want to, even though it is WAY past their bedtime. God is good, all the time.
I have heard this phrase for some 20 plus years now, and it is absolutely true. There was a similar phrase that kind of poked fun at it, and it can be summed up as "oggle goggles". For the men, I am sure you know what I mean. What this tries to represent is a description of how the beauty of your lovely tends to grow the more you are away from her. Alas, when you are back in her presence, the magnificant beauty is not near the glamour you thought she was.
I got home on Thursday evening, after a 3 week trip to China. All the way home, I kept thinking about Michelle, and how beautiful she was. I imagined my son and daughter (the cutest things in the world) running to tackle me once they saw me.
As usual, I was not disappointed. Michelle was as beautiful as always. The kids were just as excited to see me as I was them. There is nothing cooler than seeing your little ones take your bags away from you, and carry them themselves.
This is what it is all about. Not being disappointed with your spouse, ever. Wrestling with your little ones, because you want to, even though it is WAY past their bedtime. God is good, all the time.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
* Blogging in the Moment
Contrary to my normal practice I am going to blog in the moment. Mostly stuff happens, it is cute, it is interesting, and it would make a great blog. It is then promptly forgotten. Mostly you see blogs that I can actually remember. It saddens me that some really cool moments are lost, but perhaps that is not so bad, so that I do not overload my loyal readership of 7. However my son just walked up and said a pretty cool thing and since I was already sitting at the computer and avoiding cleaning up something I thought I would blog about it. This blog will afford me another 20 minute avoidance. If my mother was typing it would be much shorter, but my skills do not match hers. I still need to look at the keys and primarily use only five to seven fingers, thus statistically slowing me down by 30-50%.
We are watching another little guy today. He plays well with our two and they all entertain each other so much that my personal input is only needed for food preparation at regular intervals and occasional territory disputes. Since this little guy does not live under our roof he does not know the subtle rules, which is only natural. My son just came to give report (a nicer way of saying tattling) and informed me that the little guy said the "s-word."
When I grew up we were not allowed to say lots of things. Real curses were unheard of so our rules consisted of not saying things like 'stupid' and 'butt.' I still do not much say either of those words, just like I feel guilty for talking on the phone after nine or answering the phone before it rings twice. Both holdovers from childhood. My children now live in my version of ruledom. I do not know what the teenage rules of phone and curfew will look like, but the "bad word" rules are essentially the same. I am not sure what my children would do if they actually heard the words that will get you an 'R' rating for language, but they do know that we don't say 'butt' - we say 'bottom.' (A side note to that rule - my mother, the inventor of we do not say 'butt' is apparently now okay with the phrase 'shake your boo-tay' popularized on some shows - another commentary on the grandmother rule spoken of in the previous post - it may have to do with the cuteness of my daughter when she demonstrates the phrase, which must be ten times cuter than I was because that would have been 'inappropriate' when I was a child - I admit my daughter is adorable, I don't stop her either) Anyway, the offensive word that our little guest used to prompt my son's report?
"Shut-up"
Oh the horror.
We are watching another little guy today. He plays well with our two and they all entertain each other so much that my personal input is only needed for food preparation at regular intervals and occasional territory disputes. Since this little guy does not live under our roof he does not know the subtle rules, which is only natural. My son just came to give report (a nicer way of saying tattling) and informed me that the little guy said the "s-word."
When I grew up we were not allowed to say lots of things. Real curses were unheard of so our rules consisted of not saying things like 'stupid' and 'butt.' I still do not much say either of those words, just like I feel guilty for talking on the phone after nine or answering the phone before it rings twice. Both holdovers from childhood. My children now live in my version of ruledom. I do not know what the teenage rules of phone and curfew will look like, but the "bad word" rules are essentially the same. I am not sure what my children would do if they actually heard the words that will get you an 'R' rating for language, but they do know that we don't say 'butt' - we say 'bottom.' (A side note to that rule - my mother, the inventor of we do not say 'butt' is apparently now okay with the phrase 'shake your boo-tay' popularized on some shows - another commentary on the grandmother rule spoken of in the previous post - it may have to do with the cuteness of my daughter when she demonstrates the phrase, which must be ten times cuter than I was because that would have been 'inappropriate' when I was a child - I admit my daughter is adorable, I don't stop her either) Anyway, the offensive word that our little guest used to prompt my son's report?
"Shut-up"
Oh the horror.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
* Quirky Quotes
I have been commenting a lot lately on the activities of my son, and thereby neglecting my daughter - who really is an amazing little thing in her own right! Today's quote is from her. The quote itself is not much, but the attitude behind it was palpable. Unfortunately attitude does not always translate well into written form but I will try my best. She is quite a little princess, a princess who does not wait silently in her tower window, rather one who is scaling down the side without fear, probably without a rope or other safety device either.
In order to properly set up the quote it must be mentioned that she was in the presence of a grandmother. (My mother in law having come in town for a few days due to her son being in China - to hang out and do the fun stuff that grandmothers do) Grandmothers are a great blessing in life. I personally feel blessed to still have a grandmother of my own and I am continually thankful that my children get to spend so much time with their grandmothers. It is however necessary to note that a grandmother was present because the words would not have worked on a mother and the princess knows it.
Grandmothers are soft. There must be a latent gene that manifests only after the birth of a first grandchild. I know from personal experience and from Judah's report of his own childhood that neither of our children's grandmothers were this soft when they only wore the "mother" hat. Great and loving mothers, caring, nurturing, and involved. Just not overly soft. My mom never gave me cookies before dinner or bought me "just a little something" EVERY time we went to a store. Whining NEVER worked, and I knew it. This is a lesson that my children also know about mothers. My son can quote with all the lackluster monotoneness he can muster (while rolling his eyes most likely) "Whining won't get what you want, it only gets you trouble."
My daughter has recently acquired the skill of being able to fasten her own car seat. A skill that most non-child having adults can't perform. Quite a complicated buckle system, one that make me very happy. During one car ride with my mother in law, she announced that she couldn't do it. I know she can, she knows she can. But why do something for yourself when you can convince a grandmother to do it for you? The grandmother, being a grandmother, immediately turned around to help her. I calmly said not to worry about it. "She does have the skill, we can wait"
With every ounce of whine and melodrama in her body, and almost at 70% of her full volume my daughter then stated..
"I have LOST the SKILL!!!!"
As though this is some precious treasure she has misplaced to her sorrow and disappointment. This skill remained lost for the next two days.
Shockingly it returned last night when there was no longer a grandmother in the car.
In order to properly set up the quote it must be mentioned that she was in the presence of a grandmother. (My mother in law having come in town for a few days due to her son being in China - to hang out and do the fun stuff that grandmothers do) Grandmothers are a great blessing in life. I personally feel blessed to still have a grandmother of my own and I am continually thankful that my children get to spend so much time with their grandmothers. It is however necessary to note that a grandmother was present because the words would not have worked on a mother and the princess knows it.
Grandmothers are soft. There must be a latent gene that manifests only after the birth of a first grandchild. I know from personal experience and from Judah's report of his own childhood that neither of our children's grandmothers were this soft when they only wore the "mother" hat. Great and loving mothers, caring, nurturing, and involved. Just not overly soft. My mom never gave me cookies before dinner or bought me "just a little something" EVERY time we went to a store. Whining NEVER worked, and I knew it. This is a lesson that my children also know about mothers. My son can quote with all the lackluster monotoneness he can muster (while rolling his eyes most likely) "Whining won't get what you want, it only gets you trouble."
My daughter has recently acquired the skill of being able to fasten her own car seat. A skill that most non-child having adults can't perform. Quite a complicated buckle system, one that make me very happy. During one car ride with my mother in law, she announced that she couldn't do it. I know she can, she knows she can. But why do something for yourself when you can convince a grandmother to do it for you? The grandmother, being a grandmother, immediately turned around to help her. I calmly said not to worry about it. "She does have the skill, we can wait"
With every ounce of whine and melodrama in her body, and almost at 70% of her full volume my daughter then stated..
"I have LOST the SKILL!!!!"
As though this is some precious treasure she has misplaced to her sorrow and disappointment. This skill remained lost for the next two days.
Shockingly it returned last night when there was no longer a grandmother in the car.
Saturday, October 18, 2008
"Jesus Wants to Save Christians"
Rob Bell teams up with Don Golden to write this short, but very informative book. Its written in the same style as Velvet Elvis and Sex God, and it is about as long. As usual, the end notes are as informative as the book itself. I finished it in a day, in a room at the Shangri La in China. The irony to this will only be seen by those who read the book.
Bell/Golden spend a lot of time focused on the Exile, and for good reason. I think Christians (myself included) don't focus enough on the exile of the Jews. We tend to focus more on worship style, instrumental music, what to wear to church, what to give this Sunday, will I be able to fill my SUV after worship, who is going to show up at small group, etc. They go into much more literal detail with statistics that will absolutely astound you. The book continues to marry the exile with communion, again something most 21st Christians just don't get. There is more to church than just showing up. During the discussion of communion (Euchurist) they ask one amazing question: "Is it really possible to take communion in the presence of someone you are mad at?" We miss the point, when we ignore the thousands- year-old meanings behind the exile, communion, and the death of Jesus. Bell/Golden do an amazing job describing how all of this is put together.
I do have slight issue with some of the authors' "literal" stretches of Biblical stories. True, they do make a good point the way they are told in the book, but I felt they sometimes came a little too close to what some would see as "taking out of context". You can call that my traditional upbringing speaking, and I will be fine with that at the present.
Bell/Golden also have a discussion on the current state of affairs of the US government. The reader is bombarded by statistics of "better use of funding" on the several trillion dollars being currently spent on the War in Iraq. There are even more statistics on what an average American's daily spending could do for someone in the middle of Africa. I feel the point behind this, is to show that the US is the "empire" on the likes of Egypt and Babylon. This I don't deny, but the reader is in someway left feeling that ALL Americans have no pity in wasting stuff, or that ALL Americans never share any of the things they purchase, or that ALL Americans don't appreciate what they just ate for dinner tonight. I personally know plenty of millionares that provide seemingly endless amounts of money to people that are in need in all kinds of different ways. These millionares would never want the attention or feel "entitled" in any way. I also know of numerous middle class Americans that do plenty without the giving of money. So, on this topic I take particular issue. It could have been written differently, as to not make the reader feel that ALL Americans have a sense of entitlement to the things they possess, believe, vote, work, live, etc.
The authors make very good points however. It is very difficult for someone who doesn't need anything to follow Jesus. Why should they? Young, rich, Americans are the hardest to evangilize to. This, I do agree with. They also discuss that entitlement is a word that Americans tend to throw around way too easily. Americans tend to say things like, "I worked hard for this job", or "I deserve that new car." Entitlement is a word that has no place in Christianity. They also talk about how that God is not against "things", as long as the purchase of those "things" does not in some way "enslave" someone else.
The book is worth the read, but if you have a 50" HD television in your living room, you may take issue to some of the comments.....
Bell/Golden spend a lot of time focused on the Exile, and for good reason. I think Christians (myself included) don't focus enough on the exile of the Jews. We tend to focus more on worship style, instrumental music, what to wear to church, what to give this Sunday, will I be able to fill my SUV after worship, who is going to show up at small group, etc. They go into much more literal detail with statistics that will absolutely astound you. The book continues to marry the exile with communion, again something most 21st Christians just don't get. There is more to church than just showing up. During the discussion of communion (Euchurist) they ask one amazing question: "Is it really possible to take communion in the presence of someone you are mad at?" We miss the point, when we ignore the thousands- year-old meanings behind the exile, communion, and the death of Jesus. Bell/Golden do an amazing job describing how all of this is put together.
I do have slight issue with some of the authors' "literal" stretches of Biblical stories. True, they do make a good point the way they are told in the book, but I felt they sometimes came a little too close to what some would see as "taking out of context". You can call that my traditional upbringing speaking, and I will be fine with that at the present.
Bell/Golden also have a discussion on the current state of affairs of the US government. The reader is bombarded by statistics of "better use of funding" on the several trillion dollars being currently spent on the War in Iraq. There are even more statistics on what an average American's daily spending could do for someone in the middle of Africa. I feel the point behind this, is to show that the US is the "empire" on the likes of Egypt and Babylon. This I don't deny, but the reader is in someway left feeling that ALL Americans have no pity in wasting stuff, or that ALL Americans never share any of the things they purchase, or that ALL Americans don't appreciate what they just ate for dinner tonight. I personally know plenty of millionares that provide seemingly endless amounts of money to people that are in need in all kinds of different ways. These millionares would never want the attention or feel "entitled" in any way. I also know of numerous middle class Americans that do plenty without the giving of money. So, on this topic I take particular issue. It could have been written differently, as to not make the reader feel that ALL Americans have a sense of entitlement to the things they possess, believe, vote, work, live, etc.
The authors make very good points however. It is very difficult for someone who doesn't need anything to follow Jesus. Why should they? Young, rich, Americans are the hardest to evangilize to. This, I do agree with. They also discuss that entitlement is a word that Americans tend to throw around way too easily. Americans tend to say things like, "I worked hard for this job", or "I deserve that new car." Entitlement is a word that has no place in Christianity. They also talk about how that God is not against "things", as long as the purchase of those "things" does not in some way "enslave" someone else.
The book is worth the read, but if you have a 50" HD television in your living room, you may take issue to some of the comments.....
Thursday, October 16, 2008
* Surviving another Migraine
Yesterday I trudged through another migraine. Nothing too unusual around here. Unfortunately it came on me unexpectedly and away from my medicine so I could not take the meds when I needed to.(A side note to myself to put them in my purse) My children were terribly cooperative in my recuperation. My daughter took her nap for two hours and my son did not complain about the extra TV he got to watch at volume setting 2. He did eventually climb the stairs, peek under the pillow over my head to say in a whisper "I really am very hungry Mom."
Thankfully I was functioning better after some rest and was able to feed my children. My favorite part of the experience was right when we walked through the door after school. My son knew I had a migraine, since it was the topic of our conversation during the drive. Nap was moved up 30 minutes and that needs mental preparation. My kids like to know what is coming their way and even a 30 minute change is perceptible to them, thus the discussion on the drive home. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is not the first migraine that they have experienced with me. Therefore the comment I got when we arrived home.... In all innocence and concern my son told me...
"You can go ahead and throw up in the bathroom down here Mom. It's closer."
"That's OK buddy, I'll go ahead and use my bathroom upstairs."
Such a sweet boy.
Thankfully I was functioning better after some rest and was able to feed my children. My favorite part of the experience was right when we walked through the door after school. My son knew I had a migraine, since it was the topic of our conversation during the drive. Nap was moved up 30 minutes and that needs mental preparation. My kids like to know what is coming their way and even a 30 minute change is perceptible to them, thus the discussion on the drive home. Fortunately or unfortunately, this is not the first migraine that they have experienced with me. Therefore the comment I got when we arrived home.... In all innocence and concern my son told me...
"You can go ahead and throw up in the bathroom down here Mom. It's closer."
"That's OK buddy, I'll go ahead and use my bathroom upstairs."
Such a sweet boy.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
* One for the Tissues
Children are a joy and a blessing. (They can also be very frustrating and make you think that shooting steam out of your ears is not so cartoonishly impossible after all) I wanted to get this moment down because I did not want to forget the sweet innocence, and later when I am very frustrated perhaps the knowledge that this moment existed I will take a breath instead of shooting steam.
A few nights ago when I was putting my son to bed he asked who would take care of him if I died. We discussed that dad would do a great job even if I was not here. This led into discussions on when people die, young vs old, through sickness, age or injury. Being the planner that he is he also wanted to know who would take care of him if both Judah and myself died at the same time. We determined that he would likely live in Chattanooga since that is where most of the other relatives, grandparents etc, live. It was also critical for him to know who would take care of him during the 90 minutes it took for them to get here. We had a lovely discussion on how many people in town love him and his sister and he would be well taken care of by some friends of ours should that unlikely and unfortunate turn of events occur.
I was very proud of myself for handling the conversation in all the seriousness that he felt and without breaking down into a snubby mess at the thought of not seeing him grow up. I wanted to assure him that he would be fine without me, and that I would be happy in heaven waiting for him there. Now for tissues...he then told me that when I die he will hold my hand so he can go up with me to heaven, because he doesn't want to be here without me.
I thank God that my son loves me and that right now he has no fear of dying and going to heaven. I am also glad that we can talk about heaven in our home as a really cool place that has better toys than we have here on earth. That God wants us to join Him there and that it is a real place to be trusted in, not just a fanciful hope. That conversation reminded me why I shouldn't brush off his concerns, and why I should answer every one of his thousands of questions each day. If I had brushed off the beginning of the conversation with "don't worry about it" and left the room...I would have missed a perfect moment.
A few nights ago when I was putting my son to bed he asked who would take care of him if I died. We discussed that dad would do a great job even if I was not here. This led into discussions on when people die, young vs old, through sickness, age or injury. Being the planner that he is he also wanted to know who would take care of him if both Judah and myself died at the same time. We determined that he would likely live in Chattanooga since that is where most of the other relatives, grandparents etc, live. It was also critical for him to know who would take care of him during the 90 minutes it took for them to get here. We had a lovely discussion on how many people in town love him and his sister and he would be well taken care of by some friends of ours should that unlikely and unfortunate turn of events occur.
I was very proud of myself for handling the conversation in all the seriousness that he felt and without breaking down into a snubby mess at the thought of not seeing him grow up. I wanted to assure him that he would be fine without me, and that I would be happy in heaven waiting for him there. Now for tissues...he then told me that when I die he will hold my hand so he can go up with me to heaven, because he doesn't want to be here without me.
I thank God that my son loves me and that right now he has no fear of dying and going to heaven. I am also glad that we can talk about heaven in our home as a really cool place that has better toys than we have here on earth. That God wants us to join Him there and that it is a real place to be trusted in, not just a fanciful hope. That conversation reminded me why I shouldn't brush off his concerns, and why I should answer every one of his thousands of questions each day. If I had brushed off the beginning of the conversation with "don't worry about it" and left the room...I would have missed a perfect moment.
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Conflict Resolution
I have a question for you: Are you competitive, or relational?
Michelle and I attended the ZOE conference a couple of weekends ago, and I attended a conflict management seminar. For those of you who know me really well, stop laughing.... The teacher (Steve Joiner from the Institute for Confilct Management at Lipscomb University) bascially said that conflict is a function of tasks(ministry) on the y axis of a graph, and relationships on the X axis of the graph. Competitive people focus a lot of time and energy on things that are important to them (i.e. ministry) at the expense of relationships. "We are doing it my way, or else". The relaionship people focus their energy on, well relationships with others in regards to things that are important to them. However, the extreme of this is something like, "I am fine with what ever you want to do, let's just continue having lunch on Tuesdays, OK?"
I loved this class. I have to say, I haven't been this entertianed in a long time. Here are some highlights I thought I would share.
1) Giving in to a competitive person, or essentially giving up, only increases the chances that the person will NOT back down at a later point of conflict. In fact, the person is more likely to be even more competitive, because they know if they don't back down, they will get their way.
2) Compromising is almost always a "lose - lose" situation in a conflict, not a "win - win." He actually quoted an annonymous elder as saying, "as long as everyone is just a little upset that's OK." Good grief!
3) The goal of any organization is to be collaborative. In this situation, tasks are just as important as relationships. Go back to my X Y graph, and this would be a one to one relationship. I am just as focused on the task (minstry) as I am the relationships (those invovled in that ministry). I like that. That's pretty cool.
I think if we were all honest with each other, it would be safe to say we don't enjoy conflict. Even me! For what ever the reason may be, we all like to get along. But instead of using a lot of energy on worrying about the conflict that is going to happen, we should be mature, face the situation, and have an open dialogue.
I finished a book by Erwin McManus, "Unstoppable Force" this week. If you do ANYTHING in a church, you should read this book. In short, he states that conflict is actually healthy for a growing system (i.e. church). On this paticular topic, he said that if you are not having conflicts, then your church is probably not growing. That is an interesting point.... A church should NOT inhibit having healthy discussions that involve disagreeing. He also mentions that having a clear focus, vision, and specific objectives also helps in dealing with conflict. In other words, "this is the direction we are going. We would love to use your energy and passion with our goals. But if you can not agree to them, then you should probably find somewhere else to worship." Wow.
I'll be honest, I am just now starting to appreciate these concepts. Yeah, I am a little hard headed. But the stuff we went over in that session was really cool. What do you think about this stuff?
Michelle and I attended the ZOE conference a couple of weekends ago, and I attended a conflict management seminar. For those of you who know me really well, stop laughing.... The teacher (Steve Joiner from the Institute for Confilct Management at Lipscomb University) bascially said that conflict is a function of tasks(ministry) on the y axis of a graph, and relationships on the X axis of the graph. Competitive people focus a lot of time and energy on things that are important to them (i.e. ministry) at the expense of relationships. "We are doing it my way, or else". The relaionship people focus their energy on, well relationships with others in regards to things that are important to them. However, the extreme of this is something like, "I am fine with what ever you want to do, let's just continue having lunch on Tuesdays, OK?"
I loved this class. I have to say, I haven't been this entertianed in a long time. Here are some highlights I thought I would share.
1) Giving in to a competitive person, or essentially giving up, only increases the chances that the person will NOT back down at a later point of conflict. In fact, the person is more likely to be even more competitive, because they know if they don't back down, they will get their way.
2) Compromising is almost always a "lose - lose" situation in a conflict, not a "win - win." He actually quoted an annonymous elder as saying, "as long as everyone is just a little upset that's OK." Good grief!
3) The goal of any organization is to be collaborative. In this situation, tasks are just as important as relationships. Go back to my X Y graph, and this would be a one to one relationship. I am just as focused on the task (minstry) as I am the relationships (those invovled in that ministry). I like that. That's pretty cool.
I think if we were all honest with each other, it would be safe to say we don't enjoy conflict. Even me! For what ever the reason may be, we all like to get along. But instead of using a lot of energy on worrying about the conflict that is going to happen, we should be mature, face the situation, and have an open dialogue.
I finished a book by Erwin McManus, "Unstoppable Force" this week. If you do ANYTHING in a church, you should read this book. In short, he states that conflict is actually healthy for a growing system (i.e. church). On this paticular topic, he said that if you are not having conflicts, then your church is probably not growing. That is an interesting point.... A church should NOT inhibit having healthy discussions that involve disagreeing. He also mentions that having a clear focus, vision, and specific objectives also helps in dealing with conflict. In other words, "this is the direction we are going. We would love to use your energy and passion with our goals. But if you can not agree to them, then you should probably find somewhere else to worship." Wow.
I'll be honest, I am just now starting to appreciate these concepts. Yeah, I am a little hard headed. But the stuff we went over in that session was really cool. What do you think about this stuff?
Thursday, October 9, 2008
* Stalling
What I need to be doing right now is packing/cleaning/getting ready to go. What I am doing is blogging. I am an amazing procrastinator. I skate by at the last moment on many things. This was frustrating for mother as she watched me go through school and frustrating for Judah now. Sadly for them both, the point to get it done early was lost on me as I always did get it done at the last minute. Had there been times when the school work didn't get done I may have learned the lesson, but it ALWAYS came together. With in the next hour I need to clean the house, pack for the weekend, and feed the kids. Why clean the house if you have no time? (Note - none of you thought the feeding the kids thing was negotiable did you?) Because coming home to a dirty house in unacceptable, besides I know I will get it done. Actually I have about 58 minutes now....
57:45
57:30
:)
57:45
57:30
:)
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
China
Well, I am back in China. I actually had a pretty good flight this time. It took right at 24 hours from getting on my first plane, to landing in Xi'an. I'll be honest, traveling to China is not for everyone, but it is part of my job. Thankfully, I only fly over 3-4 times a year.
When I am not working, I have a lot of down time. People just don't speak english over here. I remember one weekend, where I didn't say one word. Literally. I went from Friday evening, to Sunday evening without saying one word. It sounds a little strange, and I wouldn't recommend it on a frequent basis, but it was actually rather refreshing.
I also read a lot. I don't read much at home, outside of preparing for bible classes. I really try to spend time with my family, and see reading as taking away from that. I should be better about my time. I know. Anyway, I usually knock out about 2-3 books per trip. I usually have a few current Christian books, as well as, a science fiction book (usually Dune). I know, its a weird mix.
My last trip, I started listening to podcasts. Again, this is something that I do primarily here in China. My excuse is the same as above. No time.
Those really close to Michelle and myself know that we can make some rather interesting decisions. We do what we can to pray about them, but for the most part, we don't really THINK about them too much. We talk to each other about them. Michelle is an amazing person, and always has a hand for the obvious. I tend to look at things political. I also try to understand what someone else is thinking. I love our conversations.
Coming to China allows me to get my focus back. Reality is, we all need to take a break and just spend time with God. Go out in the woods for a few days. Get a hotel, and put the "do not disturb sign" on the door. We need to unplug from the internet. Cut our phones off. And then open our bibles. When I am over here, I am somewhat forced to do these things. And yet, I look forward to it. Amazingly, some of my best classes have been written while I was sitting at the pool on the third floor. Some of my best thoughts were given to me while listening to a podcast when I am working out. Some of my best clarity in decisions has been achieved when I just sat in my room for a few hours.
Its hard to take a break from reality. Trust me I know. Michelle is one of the most amazing women I know for putting up with me leaving the country so frequently. The kids are fed. The house is clean. Decisions are made. Life goes on. She doesn't get a break the way that I do. I try to allow for her to have her "scrapbook weekends", and women's retreats. I am full aware that I get away more often than she does. I don't need anyone reminding me of that fact.
Truth is, I would rather be at home. I would rather get attacked by my princess ninja and her brother "the dragon". I would rather be making pens, talking to my wife, while she sat on the steps in the garage. At the same time, I need this. I need to be forced to just listen to God. Currently in my life, it is very difficult for me to choose to be silent with God. I have too many responsibilities. I have too many things I would rather be doing. Maybe I am making excuses becuase I am afraid of the answers I might hear. However, if flying 24 hours is what it takes, then that's what I'll do.
See you in a few.
When I am not working, I have a lot of down time. People just don't speak english over here. I remember one weekend, where I didn't say one word. Literally. I went from Friday evening, to Sunday evening without saying one word. It sounds a little strange, and I wouldn't recommend it on a frequent basis, but it was actually rather refreshing.
I also read a lot. I don't read much at home, outside of preparing for bible classes. I really try to spend time with my family, and see reading as taking away from that. I should be better about my time. I know. Anyway, I usually knock out about 2-3 books per trip. I usually have a few current Christian books, as well as, a science fiction book (usually Dune). I know, its a weird mix.
My last trip, I started listening to podcasts. Again, this is something that I do primarily here in China. My excuse is the same as above. No time.
Those really close to Michelle and myself know that we can make some rather interesting decisions. We do what we can to pray about them, but for the most part, we don't really THINK about them too much. We talk to each other about them. Michelle is an amazing person, and always has a hand for the obvious. I tend to look at things political. I also try to understand what someone else is thinking. I love our conversations.
Coming to China allows me to get my focus back. Reality is, we all need to take a break and just spend time with God. Go out in the woods for a few days. Get a hotel, and put the "do not disturb sign" on the door. We need to unplug from the internet. Cut our phones off. And then open our bibles. When I am over here, I am somewhat forced to do these things. And yet, I look forward to it. Amazingly, some of my best classes have been written while I was sitting at the pool on the third floor. Some of my best thoughts were given to me while listening to a podcast when I am working out. Some of my best clarity in decisions has been achieved when I just sat in my room for a few hours.
Its hard to take a break from reality. Trust me I know. Michelle is one of the most amazing women I know for putting up with me leaving the country so frequently. The kids are fed. The house is clean. Decisions are made. Life goes on. She doesn't get a break the way that I do. I try to allow for her to have her "scrapbook weekends", and women's retreats. I am full aware that I get away more often than she does. I don't need anyone reminding me of that fact.
Truth is, I would rather be at home. I would rather get attacked by my princess ninja and her brother "the dragon". I would rather be making pens, talking to my wife, while she sat on the steps in the garage. At the same time, I need this. I need to be forced to just listen to God. Currently in my life, it is very difficult for me to choose to be silent with God. I have too many responsibilities. I have too many things I would rather be doing. Maybe I am making excuses becuase I am afraid of the answers I might hear. However, if flying 24 hours is what it takes, then that's what I'll do.
See you in a few.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Accepting Help
We studied John 13: 1-17 last night in class. I had always looked at this passage as "the way" to be like Jesus. Put others before yourself. "Its not about me". I thought I would share probably the most interesting look at this passage from our study from last night. Its something I had never looked at before. I think it is also something, that most men struggle with.
It all starts in verse 8 when Peter tells Jesus, "no, you are not going to wash my feet." If you are like me, serving others is a blessing. In fact, it is easy to serve others. One man commented last night how that serving others is like a "natural high" to him. But, how easy is it for us to BE SERVED? That is the topic that Peter is getting at. Think about: "Jesus, are you really going to wash my feet? I don't think so. I mean, you're Jesus. You can't wash my feet....." But Jesus very politely tells him that if he doesn't allow Him (Jesus) to wash his (Peter) feet, then he (Peter) can have nothing to do with Him (Jesus). Whoa.... Wait a minute.....
In this passage, Jesus is not only showing that you have to be a servant, but he also teaches Peter that you have to allow others to serve you. This kind of flies in the face of being proud for being self relient. Many of us (my self included) don't care too much for recieving help (well, asking for help is probably a better description). From a guy's point of view it comes across as being weak. The problem with that train of thought, is that we stop relying on people, think we can do things for ourselves, and eventually take Jesus out of the equation all together. I can do things for myself thank you very much. It sounds great. But what is the motivation behind that train of thought? Jesus is teaching Peter that you must allow others to serve you as well, so that you don't stop relying on Me (Jesus).
Look at a different way: Somebody talks about "relying on God" throughout their daily life. However, when their neighbor asks if they need help building that fence in the backyard they say, "no thanks. I got it." It may seem like a simple thing, but a cumumlative account of little things makes a huge difference in the long run. I am going to speak for myself here: usually when I say I am going to rely on God, what I am really saying is that I want Him to give me the strength to do it myself, because I don't want to have to ask someone for help. I think another way of looking at it, is if everyone were servants, who gets served?
I think this concept is going to be difficult for a lot of the 4-7 people that read this blog! It is for me, and I didn't really like it when we started talking about last night. Truth is, I still don't like it. I kind of like the fact that I am self-reliant, but I can also see how that kind of thinking can lead to being prideful in some areas of my life. I can see how easy it would be to eventually not rely on God on certain parts of my life.
Serving, and allowing others to serve you goes hand in hand. Too much of one or the other is not a good thing. Try this: ask somebody for help for anything in the next few days, for no apparent reason what so ever. At the same time, help somebody with something for no apparent reason what so ever. Any takers on what is going to be easier?
It all starts in verse 8 when Peter tells Jesus, "no, you are not going to wash my feet." If you are like me, serving others is a blessing. In fact, it is easy to serve others. One man commented last night how that serving others is like a "natural high" to him. But, how easy is it for us to BE SERVED? That is the topic that Peter is getting at. Think about: "Jesus, are you really going to wash my feet? I don't think so. I mean, you're Jesus. You can't wash my feet....." But Jesus very politely tells him that if he doesn't allow Him (Jesus) to wash his (Peter) feet, then he (Peter) can have nothing to do with Him (Jesus). Whoa.... Wait a minute.....
In this passage, Jesus is not only showing that you have to be a servant, but he also teaches Peter that you have to allow others to serve you. This kind of flies in the face of being proud for being self relient. Many of us (my self included) don't care too much for recieving help (well, asking for help is probably a better description). From a guy's point of view it comes across as being weak. The problem with that train of thought, is that we stop relying on people, think we can do things for ourselves, and eventually take Jesus out of the equation all together. I can do things for myself thank you very much. It sounds great. But what is the motivation behind that train of thought? Jesus is teaching Peter that you must allow others to serve you as well, so that you don't stop relying on Me (Jesus).
Look at a different way: Somebody talks about "relying on God" throughout their daily life. However, when their neighbor asks if they need help building that fence in the backyard they say, "no thanks. I got it." It may seem like a simple thing, but a cumumlative account of little things makes a huge difference in the long run. I am going to speak for myself here: usually when I say I am going to rely on God, what I am really saying is that I want Him to give me the strength to do it myself, because I don't want to have to ask someone for help. I think another way of looking at it, is if everyone were servants, who gets served?
I think this concept is going to be difficult for a lot of the 4-7 people that read this blog! It is for me, and I didn't really like it when we started talking about last night. Truth is, I still don't like it. I kind of like the fact that I am self-reliant, but I can also see how that kind of thinking can lead to being prideful in some areas of my life. I can see how easy it would be to eventually not rely on God on certain parts of my life.
Serving, and allowing others to serve you goes hand in hand. Too much of one or the other is not a good thing. Try this: ask somebody for help for anything in the next few days, for no apparent reason what so ever. At the same time, help somebody with something for no apparent reason what so ever. Any takers on what is going to be easier?
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Movie Night
I forgot my lunch yesterday, and had to go to the mall to eat. Well, I actually got my lunch out of the frig, but left it on the stove while I was getting my stuff together. Michelle called, and reminded me I left it. I got all the way to work, pulled my back pack out of the car, walked to my my office, and still didn't know I left it on the oven. Anyway, I went to the mall for another reason as well. Ironman came out on DVD yesterday! So I went by and got an HDMI cable that I have been saving for some time now, and then headed to the movie store. I picked up the movie (it has really cool metal case), fully aware I would be the savior when I got home.
I called Michelle before I left work and told her about my plan for a movie night. She was so excited, because she knew how happy the kids would be. She then called me back, and said she could order pizza on line! How cool is that?!?! Now, that last phrase may give a way how out of touch she and I are about 21st century technology. Its funny: we seem to be on the cutting edge with some things, but with others we couldn't care less.
I get home, and the kids meet me at the door as usual. I hand my son the bag wih the movie in it. He opens it up and screams, "IRONMAN!"
He had completed all of his school assignments by lunch, and was waiting on me to get home to finish his reading assignments. For some unknown reason, he likes to do his reading assignments with me, not Michelle. Did I mention he was in his pjs all day? I love home schooling.
I sit him down behind the TV with his reading book, while I begin to rewire the DVD player with the HDMI cable (I can't tell you how excited I was). He is reading to me about Peter and Sarah going to the creek, and I am removing Monster Cable, while hooking up HDMI and fiber optic cables (already had that one). So if you can imagine thinking, "Peter and Sarah.... creek.... dog.... digital video and sound.... 200 watts of power.... run Peter run.... 1080p.... the dog barked...." Hey, it works for us....
Michelle shows me on the internet where you can track your order. "Joe has submitted your order". "Chris has made your order". "Dylan left the store at 5:22pm". Again, that has to be one of the coolest things I have ever seen.
The pizza arrives and it is time for family night. I crank up the subwoofer, each of us gets into their own comfortable spot, and we start handing out pizza. By the time the movie is over, I think my son said, "that was so awesome" at least 15 times. At one point, my little girl starts doing pirouhettes and stating that she "is Ironman."
I love family movie night.
I called Michelle before I left work and told her about my plan for a movie night. She was so excited, because she knew how happy the kids would be. She then called me back, and said she could order pizza on line! How cool is that?!?! Now, that last phrase may give a way how out of touch she and I are about 21st century technology. Its funny: we seem to be on the cutting edge with some things, but with others we couldn't care less.
I get home, and the kids meet me at the door as usual. I hand my son the bag wih the movie in it. He opens it up and screams, "IRONMAN!"
He had completed all of his school assignments by lunch, and was waiting on me to get home to finish his reading assignments. For some unknown reason, he likes to do his reading assignments with me, not Michelle. Did I mention he was in his pjs all day? I love home schooling.
I sit him down behind the TV with his reading book, while I begin to rewire the DVD player with the HDMI cable (I can't tell you how excited I was). He is reading to me about Peter and Sarah going to the creek, and I am removing Monster Cable, while hooking up HDMI and fiber optic cables (already had that one). So if you can imagine thinking, "Peter and Sarah.... creek.... dog.... digital video and sound.... 200 watts of power.... run Peter run.... 1080p.... the dog barked...." Hey, it works for us....
Michelle shows me on the internet where you can track your order. "Joe has submitted your order". "Chris has made your order". "Dylan left the store at 5:22pm". Again, that has to be one of the coolest things I have ever seen.
The pizza arrives and it is time for family night. I crank up the subwoofer, each of us gets into their own comfortable spot, and we start handing out pizza. By the time the movie is over, I think my son said, "that was so awesome" at least 15 times. At one point, my little girl starts doing pirouhettes and stating that she "is Ironman."
I love family movie night.
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