Bring the Kids Along!

Recently, a good friend of mine told me, “I don’t see how you do it.” He was referring to how Michelle and I do all that we do in the ministry arena without sacrificing time with our kids. One of my good friends wrote a post that I believe sheds some light on our philosophy. However, I feel a little more clarification may be in order.
Michelle and I work with our church family on a variety of fronts. We love the fact that we are involved, but not “in charge” of a lot. True, we are the college ministry leaders, but that really is it in an official capacity. We are also involved in our children’s ministry, the ladies ministry, men’s ministry, youth, worship, and benevolence. When I write it all out, it does seem like a lot. But take my word for it, we do make time for ourselves and the kids on a regular basis. It just may not seem like it from others’ perspectives. When the cell phones go straight to voicemail, the home phone is off the hook, and we are not answering the front door, you know we are having “Wilkins Family Day”.
Anyway, back to what this post is about: I am a firm believer in that ministry is your way of life. We decided a long time ago that we would do our best to not separate our “church life” from our “personal life”. We try to model our life on how Jesus lived His life. We make a point, especially in teaching our children, that there is no difference in church time, family time, or ministry time. When Jesus came on to the scene, He took the sacred (the temple and the laws), and combined them with the common (you and me). I have a post in my head that better explains this, but for now, let’s focus on the fact that God is with us in all settings, not just church. I’ll be the first to admit that we are not perfect. But this is our overall philosophy.
One example is how we run our college ministry. In just about all situations, our children are present when we do something with the college adults. We have the college adults over for dinner once a month. My children are not “dismissed” from the room. In fact, the college adults love playing with our kids, almost as much as our kids love playing with them. Our kids eat dinner with them. They play games with them. In fact, many of my sons’ favorite movies are also favorites of the college adults. There have been numerous occasions where we all found ourselves watching a movie that my son or daughter picked out. We do not tell them to “go play”. This interaction, in my opinion, tells my children that they are important. It is also an environment where they learn from others. And these “others” are those that I trust with my children. If you know anything about Michelle and I, it is that we are very particular about what our children are exposed to. It is our responsibility as parents to raise our children the way God wants them raised. We believe the best way to do that is to have them exposed to numerous and different environments, within the confines of our control! College ministry is a perfect example of that. We have anime, book scholars, community school, gamers, working full time, movie critics, as well as others, in our group. Its an eclectic group! And let’s face it: college adults are cool. Children want to be around “cool” things. So, being involved in the college adults just makes sense. Our children know that we are the college ministry leaders, but they also know that they (my kids) are special.
Another example is our work with an inner city church. Again, we bring our kids along. Our kids see the college adults interact with those that have hardly anything. They see their parents and other adult volunteers interacting with “the least of these”. But more importantly, they themselves are interacting with children their own age that have hardly anything. To me, this is an amazing learning experience for my children. I can honestly say that both of my children do not see “color” or “social status” when they talk about their friends at the inner city church. I love that!
There have been times when we do tell the kids they can not come along. In these instances, I avoid phrases like, “when you get older you will understand.” I do my best to be honest with them, and decide how much of the situation they are ready to hear. “Mommy needs to go bail a girl out of jail.” “Daddy is going to go help one of the guys talk through a difficult choice he needs to make”. As you might expect, these types of statements set off a flurry of questions. We do our best to answer their questions; trying to balance what will satisfy their inquisitiveness, without giving them information that they are not ready for. Again, we the parents are deciding what the best inputs for our children are. There are situations that we feel they are ready for, and others that they are not. There are times when the phrase, “because I said so”, or something similar is used. But we really try to limit those responses.
I’ll be honest, our life is unique. And there are times when I do need a break. I am not perfect. Periodically, things get to me. But in general, this is who we are. We really try to have our kids involved in all the things that we do. Very rarely do we get babysitters so that we can go take care of something “ministry” related. Babysitters are for mommy/daddy dates! We try to teach our kids that God is present all the time. God is with us when we go to the football game. God is with us when we meet with others on Sunday mornings. God is with us when we go to grandmas. God is with us on daddy/daughter night, or mommy/son night. God is with us on “Wilkins Family day”. How about you? Where do your children fit in to your life?