Not Right Now....

I plan to post about our experiences from Catalyst09 over the next week or so. Below, is one of the more impactful talks I heard.

One of the speakers asked this question: “Does your family get your best, or what is left over from ministry?” His point was that sometimes we use ministry as an excuse when we recognize we are neglecting our families. Ministry leaders are amazingly susceptible to putting families second, third, or even fourth. This is not how it is to be. Family is only second to God. We sometimes forget that, or at least assume that the family understands what the priorities are when it comes to “saving souls”. It’s so easy for us to go off thinking that “only we can save that person”. The whole time, God is looking down on us going, “really? Only you can save that person? Please….” Here is another question the speaker asked that really punched me right in the face: Has your child ever SEEN you say, “No, I cannot do that now. I am playing with my son or daughter right now. It will have to wait until I am done.” Our kids need to SEE what is important in OUR lives.

The hard part about ministry is balancing family life and "ministry" life. If you really know Michelle and I, you know we "try" to solve this problem by combining them. Our children are with us as much as possible. Michelle and I do a lot of ministry work as a team. We will also periodically balance out the kids by having one of us at home when the other needs to do some type of "ministry" thing. Let's face it: Michelle is usually the one who stays home while I go off trying to "save someone". So when the speaker asked the question if my kids ever saw me turn down a ministry role for them, it really hit me hard. Because the answer is no, or at least I can not think of one. What this tells my son or daughter is that"ministry is more important than him or her". Whoa....

As "the man of the house", my first priority is to God, my second priority is to my wife, the third priority is to my children, and then the next is everything else; even if i am a ministry leader. I'll be honest: that is a hard statement to write out. If our children continually see that they are put second when it comes to ministry, this will have negative impacts down the road. More than likely, they will turn away from "church", because of resentment from me always putting ministry first in their lives. The same could be said for spouses as well.

I sometimes assume that doing ministry is putting God first. But that is not necessarily so. Putting God first is having that relationship with Him where you know where you stand. You know He is with you and is for you in all things. You see Jesus in everyone you come in contact with. You work hard every day at your job, performing at it as though God was your direct report. You wake up every morning asking God, "make it obvious who You want me to impact today."

If we are not careful, we begin to think that we are the only ones who can help that person. "I know them better than anyone else", we might say. Or we are the only ones who can grow this church. Our plans are the only thing that are going to help this ministry to succeed. When this happens, we are not doing ministry, because we are not including God in our plans.

Being a ministry leader does not give us a free pass from the responsibilities of our families for the sake "of the Kingdom". So here is my question: If you are a ministry leader, how do you balance time with your family, with your spouse, with your children, with your given ministry?