Transactional Relationships

I was hanging out with some friends this weekend, when we started talking about relationships. One of them made the comment, “but I have invested so much into this relationship.” As you can imagine, this got me thinking….

When I hear phrases such as this, it makes me think that some consider relationships to be somewhat like a transaction. In other words, “if I put this much into it, then I should expect this kind of return.” Relationships do not work that way. That’s why love is so weird. It doesn’t follow basic Newtonian physics where you can PREDICT through various inputs, variables, and constants what it is going to do. This is why there are things like, “love at first sight, I fell head over heels for him, she makes me feel tingly all over.” It’s the same for why some would break laws for their spouses, while others won’t lift a finger for theirs. Relationships, and more specifically, marriages, are not transactions. Yes, you have to put effort into them. Yes, there are expectations, but there is no relationship between “I expect this kind of interaction, because I put this much work into it.” Think about it: How do you put a value on effort?

When we look at relationships from a transactional stand point, the other person will inevitably, disappoint us. It doesn’t matter how awesome they are, how drop dead gorgeous they are, or how rich they are. Because as long as we have a concept that “I have put X amount of time, energy, LIFE into this, therefore I deserve Y”, then we will never ever be fully satisfied.

However, when we look at a relationship from the stand point of both put into “this” to make it work, with God at the helm, then the relationship will progress in a positive manner. It won’t be perfect, as nothing is perfect but God, however, it will look more like what God intended. It will be beautiful in all respects. I guess you could say that true love is most apparent when there are fewer transactions within the relationship.

If you are in a relationship, do you do certain things so that you get certain things?

Prayer Circles

I was recently at a prayer meeting. Its been a while since I had been to one of these things. Imagine, 12 people sitting around a table, holding hands, and going around the circle praying about what was on their hearts.

Pray circles are interesting. You get the email that invites you to some location so we can just pray. The email will usually have something about “you are in no way obligated to attend…blah blah blah.” The invite will also usually have something about the invitee being “moved by the Holy Spirit to invite you and others.” And, interestingly, the invite will usually include some type of declaration from the sender stating they “have no reason why they are inviting you, other than the Holy Spirit told them to.” Now, how do you turn that down??? How on earth do you turn down the Holy Spirit?! And yet at the same time, why can’t I just pray here, at my desk? Why do I need to be surrounded by others if we all we are going to do is pray? Why couldn’t this be one of those forwarded emails to tell me to pray right now so that I get a bazillion dollars but I will need to forward it to my entire contacts, and if I don’t then I must not be that great of a Christian…. I already pray for my ministries and others. Why do I need to go somewhere to pray?

This recent experience was amazing. We had a couple of elders, ministry leaders from various ministries, and our pulpit minister. The gentleman running the meeting asked us, “Why are you here? What were you thinking on your way here?” I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting that. I was geared for the more traditional, “let’s circle hands and start praying!” However, the reason I was there was to pray for my college group our church, and my family. Others were there to pray for the church, someone was sick in their life, someone wanted to pray that our church would be open. Someone wanted to pray about a job. So, before we started praying, we just talked.

Probably the most common example of prayer circles I have been associated with would be the kind from youth groups. Teens do them real well. They have no issue circling up, someone starts the prayer, and it goes around the circle. If you don’t feel like praying, you just simply squeeze the hand next to you and you can skip. The person getting the squeezed hand can tell your aversion to praying to how hard you squeezed his hand. Squeezing multiple times is the international sign for, “please pray! I do not want to pray publicly! I have an aversion to praying!” Your only worry in a teen youth group prayer circle is continually thinking about how clammy that other hand is, Of course, if you are a guy, you are trying to strategically place yourself by the hot church chick. This guy will probably never ask her out, but at least he gets to reminisce on holding her hand until the next prayer circle. Of course, if you are the hot church chick, you are trying to strategically place yourself as far away from the amazingly awkward guy during the prayer circle time….

Small groups do prayer circles to. In these situations, usually the small group leader takes prayer requests, everyone then circles up, then the leader gives the prayer. . You don’t have to worry about saying a prayer, just holding someone’s hand who is not your wife! If you plan your initial sitting right, you won’t be holding a man’s hand during this. Hey, you know you are thinking it, at least if you are a guy! Be honest; your are thinking to yourself right now: "boy, girl, boy, girl, ...."

Interestingly, there is no example of prayer circles in the bible (well, at least where they call out “holding hands”). Probably the most familiar example of group prayers is when Jesus takes his students off to pray right before he is arrested, and he comes back to find them sleeping. I am quite certain if they were circled up they would have stayed awake. Think about it: John is holding Peter’s hand and John starts to nod off. Peter would know by feeling John’s grip start to give. Peter could instantly put the death grip on him to wake him up! Problem solved. Jesus wouldn’t be lowering His expectations as he does when comes back finding them asleep!

Seriously, there is something about holding someone’s hand when you pray. I love it when my wife reaches for my hand when we start to pray. I can look at an order of worship on a Sunday and think to myself, “yep, she is going to grab my hand right there (pointing at the line that says ‘public prayer’)”. Even if we fought all the way to church, yelling at the kids to act appropriately; I know she will grab my hand for the prayer. It might hurt like hell, but she will still grab it.

I knew this elderly couple who had held hands to pray ever since they met. That’s a lot of hand holding! I really respected this couple. The gentleman was a mentor of mine. I can remember sitting in church across the aisle from them. I stole a peek one Sunday, and watched as they silently closed hands while some guy prayed. It was beautiful. Their hands looked like they were made for each other! It was like there were indentions on the hands that would only fit the spouse’s hand!

Holding hands brings us comfort. It gives us peace. But let’s face it: in a prayer circle it keeps us on our toes! Who do I sit by? Is it knuckles opened? Do I cup the hand? How hard do I squeeze? Will they look at me the same after an hour long hand hold?

This current prayer circle started this week. I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting much. I really felt like we were just going to talk out loud to God then go on home. Man, was I wrong…. The Holy Spirit came into that room! We plan to meet every week until God provides what we are needing. I was truly at peace in that room, and yet my spirit inside was being stirred as well. We all had very similar prayers: church growth, church healing, openness in communication, etc. There was a feeling the Spirit was providing guidance, but not necessarily answers, yet. I’ll keep you up to date on how it goes. I think Michelle is going to go next week.

By the way, is there something I can pray for you?

Excuse me sir, do you know where your soul will spend eternity?

I got witnessed to yesterday. It wasn’t the first time, and I am sure it won’t be the last. I was at a local mountain bike park, putting my gear on, when this guy came up to me, “hey man how is it going? You come here often?” I’ll be honest, the initial conversation kind of threw me for a loop. It sort of sounded like the beginnings of a pickup line! I was a little nervous; I’m not going to lie! Anyway, we exchanged names, then he hit me with it: “brother, can I give you a tract that shows how the bible is the absolute truth and that we should do exactly what it says?”

“Sure, man,” I responded. “I am a college minister, and I am always looking for new material!” Amazingly, he looked a little dejected and yet, relieved at the same time. It’s like he was thinking, “oh you’re a Christian? I wasted all that energy building up the nerve to come over to a total stranger to share my faith, something that is the most important part of my existence, and you already are saved?! I sure wish you had a ‘I’m a Christian, save your energy for someone else T-shirt’, but now that I know you are ‘one of us’ we can go share something that is very special and dear to my heart: bike riding!” Well, maybe that wasn’t exactly what he was thinking, but I am sure it was close….

Witnessing is one of those things us Christians do that a lot of non-Christians just don’t understand. And for us Christians, a lot of times its just plain awkward. Think about it: you go up to a complete stranger, ask them how their day is going, wait the proverbial (and polite) 5 seconds and then because we are so nervous about witnessing to a total stranger we interrupt their answer by blurting out something like: “if you died right now, do you know where your soul would spend eternity?” THERE!!!! I said it! And not only did I say it, I said it to a total stranger!!!! Here, have a tract with strategically orchestrated verses that are probably taken out of context to scare you into going to church 5 days from now….The other guy is thinking, “dude, I just want to pay for this latte!” Somehow, we Christians think that we can get into a deep conversation with someone by “going all the way”: eternal salvation. Sharing your faith is a great thing, but starting at the end of the Story is not the Gospel.

I think my most unusual experience with being witnessed to was sitting in an airport in Shanghai, waiting to come home after 3 weeks in China. This particular trip was actually the second trip in the course of two months. The first one went pretty good, until the day I was heading to the airport. There was an issue at the plant I was working at, and I had to return the following week. So its at the end of this second trip that this Caucasian lady comes up to me. I’ll admit I was rather grumpy, and wanting nothing more but to be home. But she decides to come over and talk to me about Jesus….

Think about that for a moment……

A Caucasian lady comes up to a Caucasian man, in the SHANGHAI AIRPORT (that’s china for you geologically challenged public schoolers) to give a testimony that is supposed to be the most important thing in her life!!

It turns out that she was at the end of a mission trip where her group had “witnessed” to hundreds of Chinese peasants out in the country, handed out hundreds of bibles, and prayed for all kinds of things with these new converts. I’ll be honest, I was quite impressed with her story. But then she chooses me to tell the Good News one more time, before going home?!? What was it about me that led her over to me? Was it my shirt? The book I was reading?

I responded that yes I know Jesus, and He and I are pretty close. Amazingly, she responded with almost a half hearted, “oh. Well…. That’s great. Just great.”

A couple of years ago Michelle and I were involved with a church that decided it would be a good idea to hand out “business cards” with “the message” on them. We were convinced they were not tracts! They were business cards! Surely people would be more accepting of a business card! Can’t you see it now? “excuse me sir, how is your day going?”

“its going…”

“great. Glad to hear. I have this business card here with the story of Jesus on it. I was wondering if you would be interested in taking it and learning about how to save your soul.”

“…uh, sure. Man, I’m glad that you weren’t going to hand out a tract. But a business card, well that’s different! I’ll see you at church next Sunday!”

“Sweet.”

What is it that tells us we can put the story of Jesus on to a business card, give it to someone, and everything will be OK? The book of John clearly tells us if everything was written down about what Jesus did, there wouldn’t be enough space on the earth to hold them all. Its almost like we use the tracts (sorry, business cards) as a “get out of evangelism card”. If we hand them out, then we don’t have to get close to them….

I have to confess that I actually left one of these business cards with a tip at a local restaurant. I felt pretty good about myself. It was a subtle gesture. We had been to the restaurant a couple of time previous, and coincidentally knew the waitress didn’t go to church. So that SUNDAY, I dropped my own bomb in the way of a “business card” along with my expected 15.7% tip. Hey, she was late on the drink refills a couple of times! Give me a break…..

A year or so later we were at another restaurant. I am not sure how it started, but we found ourselves in the middle of a conversation with the waiter. He was a really cool guy, who was very interested in what we were doing. We found ourselves talking to him about almost everything. He asked about our kids. Where we were from. We asked about his life. He was married, no kids. Then out of the blue: “…blah blah blah…our church…blah blah blah… God has blessed me so much…. Blah blah blah.” It just flowed like water. It took me a minute, but he was telling his story of Jesus, but it was in a way that it was just a part of his life! So, I decided to drop my bomb on him, “do you go to church?” His face answered the question, before his mouth did, “yeah, man. But I work a lot, and sometimes I work on Sundays. But it’s cool. God is with me all the time.” I was waiting for the tract, but it never came! Michelle and I spent a few more minutes talking with him, and in the middle of talking to him, he mentioned something about getting some “business cards” as a “tip” recently. He wasn’t real pleased with that….

It’s not that I am opposed to tracts. I think they can be effective. But if all you do is hand one out, you are missing the true Message of Jesus. To reach someone, you have to build a relationship with them. You have to show them Jesus through your actions: being positive in thinking, using God’s name in a complimentary and respectful manner, giving Him the credit. You have to be genuinely interested in someone’s life. You have to be patient, and being patient is hard. I think one reason why the earth couldn’t hold all the books of Jesus life is because if it did, we would find some way of handing it out to people. Jesus wants us to get know people. He wants us to express Him through our actions. When we know people and express Him through our actions, we are spreading the message of Jesus. I wonder if that would fit on a business card……

Traveling

Well, I am sure by now many of you are wanting an update on Michelle’s trip to Italy. You are going to have to wait until next week, after she gets home! I am most certain she is going to have amazing stories of her adventure. Stay tuned….

A couple of days before Michelle left on her trip, she came home and walked right up to me rather determined. I could see it coming, and it was a walk, of, “we are fixing to have a discussion of something of high importance!” I wasn’t really sure what it was going to be about, but I did have enough time to reflect back over the last few days to see if I had forgotten anything: Take the garbage out? Pick David up from ball practice? Did I leave my kids at church? I thought I was free and clear! Then she said, “when were you going to tell me about the terrorist threat in Europe?!”

Alright, I’ll admit it: I wasn’t expecting that one. True, I knew about the terrorist threat. True, I had researched it to the best of my abilities, and determined that there was a relatively low risk of an event happening in Europe during the week her and mother would be there, and even lower probability of something happening in the specific locations on her itinerary. So, based on my analysis, I chose to not mention it to her, saving her any undo anxiety…..

“I didn’t tell you because I saw no immediate threat to your travel plans, and didn’t want to have this conversation we are fixing to have,” I said rather dejectedly. With her hands on her hips, she looked at me in a way that would tell anyone that wasn’t the answer she was looking for, but somehow expecting. I went on to tell her the specific threats, and how I believe she and her mother would still be safe, and that if I felt that there was a possibility of her being injured, I would have asked her not to go. After a while, she began to calm down, but I am pretty sure that even now, I am not completely out of the woods.

Anyway, the week goes on, her mom comes up, we take them off to the airport, and away they went to Italy. Presently, they are having a great time, and I look forward to the numerous stories they will be telling when they return.

The kids have been absolutely awesome the last few days. Don’t get me wrong: they miss their mom, but they seem to know she is ok. We pray each night that her and grandma are safe, and that they return on time, and ok. They just seem to have this peace about them, knowing she and grandma will be ok. I’ll be honest, we have had a few conversations about “missing mommy”, and “when does she get home?”, but for the most part, its business as usual.

I think a lot of their acceptance has to do with my travels to China a few years back. They would escort me to the airport, give me a big hug, and then send me on way for 3 weeks. Those trips were absolutely brutal. But the kids got used to me leaving, and me returning. For them, just going to the airport was an adventure! In the end, they knew I would be back.

But I don’t think it’s just my trips that have helped my kids this time. I think they know God is with mom and grandma, and that He is going to keep them safe. Abby continually sings about God being everywhere. David asks about “going to church” in Italy. Their prayers are focused on keeping mommy safe. We haven’t specifically talked about God’s presence with them on their trip, but something tells me that they believe it.

I firmly believe without a sense of presence of God in one’s life, that life is a lot more anxious. We have to make decisions ourselves. When plans like possible terrorist threats look to derail our travel plans, we start looking to see what we can do about it. The only thing we can do about that is decide to not go! But knowing God is with you, knowing you are saved by a belief in Jesus and what He did for you, knowing you have a unique purpose in this life; these things bring peace to an otherwise anxious life. True, we can make a lot of decisions on our own, but if you don’t have to, why would you?

I think my kids are teaching me a lesson in regards to what Jesus says about having a faith like these little ones. It’s amazing how much we can learn from children, specifically in regards to their faith. They truly believe that mommy and grandma will be ok, and that will be home soon. They just will. Period. Somewhere along the way while we are growing up, we decide what is best for ourselves. How unfortunate is that?

* Quirky Quotes

My son can be a great help to me, much to his annoyance. My sympathies to him. I am the older child. I know that the oldest can feel the weight of doing 'more work.' Truthfully he does do more of the cleaning of the play room and he has graduated to larger chores before his sister has fully entered 'independent playroom cleaning 101.' He has conveniently forgotten that his responsibilities at five were also pretty slim and that his sister is not nine. Sigh.

Last week during an evening of cleaning he had done about all his third grade tolerance could handle. When I said...

Now that you are done sweeping take the vacuum upstairs.

He took the vacuum upstairs.

I overheard his sister ask at the top of the stairs...

Are you going to vacuum up here?

He replied...

No, Mom only told me to bring the vacuum upstairs.

Note to self. Clarify cleaning instructions with all steps in the process.

Things (not) to Say in Church

Michelle introduced me to a book this weekend: “Permission to Speak Freely” by Anne Jackson. It’s a book that was inspired by Anne’s blog, when she asked the question: “what is one thing you feel you can’t say in church?”

When I first heard what it was about, I was immediately skeptical: “How could there possibly be something you can’t say in church?” Church is a place where one should feel safe, able to think openly, is accepted for who you are, feel surrounded by other believers with a common goal, etc….

But then I started thinking about this question…. Is it possible that there are things that we (Christians) are NOT supposed to say in church? Maybe another way of looking at it is, “are there things others in our own congregations PRAY we never say?”

Are there certain topics that we know we don’t discuss? Demanding justification for financial aid comes to mind…. Are you worthy for the money we can offer you? Yes, you are only asking for us to pay your heating bill this month, but how do we KNOW you will actually use this money for the heating bill, and not alcohol or the lottery, or…..? We require a signed declaration of where the funds are to be used (our approval obviously), and in the event that we find out that our funds have been used for other services or purchases without the written consistent of us, the leaders, you are required to pay back in full plus 50%. I mean, come on! People have actually asked for food for their children, then turned around and used that money for gas in their car. Who knows where they went using our money for gas! We can’t trust people these days!

Are there individuals that we shouldn’t question? The preacher is always right. The elders know what is best. They have been leading that ministry for decades now! They know what they are doing. The personality of the church is driven by the personality of the leaders.

Are there questions we don’t ask, because we don’t want to hear the answer? Why didn’t I pick up that homeless guy on the way to our church’s Family Meal time? Because he would lower the average net income of our congregation. He smells (it would cost so much to clean the interior of my SUV, so I am actually being a good steward of God’s money by NOT picking him up….) He looks scary and w are trying to attract DINKS (dual income no kids ) into our church family! We need their (the DINKS, not the homeless man!) “tithing” to meet our budget! How do you expect us to attract upper class families when we have lower class individuals among us? Quite frankly, I don’t want to associate with him.

Are there sins we don’t confess, because of the retribution they will bring? Growing up, the fastest way to get you kicked out of a congregation was to confess adultery, divorce, or struggling with homosexuality. It seems back then, Christians were perfect in all respects and demanded no less from anyone who even might be considering becoming one. Heaven forbid you were a preacher or considered to be a leader in a congregation and get caught up in the drama of an illicit affair! That immediately won you an “open letter” (thanks to John Acuff for this thought!) sent to all surrounding churches (within the proper denomination of course) explaining in gross detail the facts of your sin, verses to backup why you were dis-fellowshipped, and what could possibly happen to a congregation that would even cherish the thought of accepting you(supporting verses included obviously). We are so fortunate that situations like this don’t happen anymore!

Whoa….. Maybe there is more to this topic than I originally thought.

Well, I am going to give credit to Anne Jackson for sparking this particular blog. But now I am going to ask the question: what is something you feel you can’t say in church? And why? Don’t worry! It’s not like I am going to publish them! You can trust me. Only responses that include your full name, place of residence, and church membership will be considered legitimate.

Change, for the Better....

It’s been an interesting few weeks. Our kidzone program at church is starting up for the school year, My son moved up a grade, My little girl started school, and my college students are requesting changes to the program. Wow! Where do I start?!

So, if you are new to the blog “Kidzone” may not sound familiar. This is a program at our church where children and parents come together to learn bible stories, virtues, sing songs, and laugh. We do a LOT of laughing. There are also skits, where actors present a story in a way that is memorable. Our annual program started again last Sunday, and I am really looking forward to this year.

One of the major changes this year is that our youth group is going to be more involved in our “family time” program (kidzone). I am really excited about this change. And from some of the discussions within the youth group, they are excited as well. But it is not only them that are excited. My kids look forward to it. This is how we, as a congregation, have decided to educate our children about God’s Word and how to live their lives 7 days a week. The actors, media operators, and volunteers look forward to it as well.

School officially started for us this week. The first day of school is always a hard one for any parent. Michelle and I are involved in a home school co-op. This means that 3 days a week our children attend a school with a small class room setting, and the other days Michelle primarily teaches them through a lesson plan generated by the classroom teacher. This year, I plan to teach my son music, along with some shop skills such as wood working, and possible small engine repair. I am not real sure what that is going to look like yet, but I do have a plan. Change, it’s a coming….

My little girl started school this year! Many of you can relate, I know. There is something special about the bond between a dad and his little girl. It’s different from the relationship between his son. The son relationship is more on the lines of friend and possible cohort (depending on the act of sneakiness), mixed in with mentor, teacher, instructor. The relationship with a daughter is more, body guard, protector…. She is my little princess, even though she wants to go as fast as possible on jetskis, “fixes” her bike when daddy is in the garage, and can drop kick you like nobody’s business. She still loves pink, prefers skirts over shorts, and is not afraid to tell you if your blouse matches your shoes or not! She is “daddy’s little princess”. God is good. He knows how to combine the specific personalities with the right individuals. These are His creations. God bless them.

My College students are growing up to. We are starting our third year of college ministry at Farragut! At the beginning, we had 6 college students. We now have over twenty young adults attached to our group on a regular basis. Our focus is quite simple: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make you paths straight.” – Prov. 3:5-7. Instead of focusing on bible study time, Michelle and I pushed our group of young adults to serve more. Formally, we had one official bible study each week. We also set up multiple serving opportunities for them. It was up to them which one they did on a regular basis. Over the months it clicked. We have a couple of ministry areas that are not managed by us anymore, but by the college members. I think this is awesome! It shows the growth of maturity and responsibility that we try to foster within them.

However, recently they asked for something that, on the surface, went against my main philosophy. I personally don’t believe in having formal classes on Sunday mornings for college students. I would prefer to have those in my ministry serve on Sundays. Some disagreed. And it was out this particular group that some came to us and asked if we could provide a formal class on Sunday mornings. We told them to go for it, but that we would be doing our thing in Kidzone. The college students that serve in Kidzone were concerned that this “separation” would have the opportunity to create different “tribes” within our group. And it was at this point that we had to address a topic that Michelle and I have been avoiding for a year now.

Our ministry is approaching a time where we are going to have to multiply our group during formal bible study times. We have noticed that the discussions are not that deep recently. Many of the young adults speak in generalities, and not necessarily about personal struggles. We have ideas that we are speaking of, but nothing has been formalized as of yet. This previous Sunday evening was a great time of openness, where many of the young adults shared their feelings, concerns, and desires for the group. They are growing. Maturing. Most importantly they are changing in front of each other.

Change is hard. It’s hard for many if not all of us. I have been fortunate to be some type of change agent in most of my jobs. By that doesn’t make it easy for me. And in my present role as college minister, it is even more difficult. I have to somehow attract young adults into our group, make them feel welcome and accepting, and then push them out into the adult “programs” of “big” church. It’s hard; really hard. I mess up sometimes. I lose track of young adults on the fray. I assume my way is the best way, without giving theirs a chance to resonate. I am constantly trying to new approaches to reach them….

We left Sunday evening with changes to implement. They (the young adults) would be responsible for the formal class on Sunday mornings. I would be responsible for the time we are together on Sunday evenings. Once Kidzone was over on Sunday mornings, we would go to the class they were teaching. We are going to break up into small groups on Sunday nights with the intention to go deeper within the group. I’ll let you know how it goes.

Turning My Brain Off

Michelle and the kids finally got home last night. Every year, Michelle takes them down to her moms to spend the week there. The last few years this has not affected me too much, as I would be in China. However this year, I “had to fend for myself” for a week. It’s amazing how much I just turn off in my head when she is around. I’ll give you a few examples.

Grocery Store

Friday I went to the grocery store to get food for the week. Let me caveat that by saying I pretty much knew I had my weekend and week full for dinners and lunches, because I was going to be eating out with others to discuss business or hangout with college students. But for some reason, come Friday afternoon, I felt like I needed to go to the grocery store. Once I get there, it’s like I draw blank:

“What do I buy? I know I need to eat but what do I eat? Michelle cooks. What does she cook? I don’t cook. I grill. What would I grill? STEAK! Oh, wait I need jetski oil. I can do that! I have done that before. Jetski oil, steaks….. what else?”

By the time it was all said and done, I had spent almost as much as what Michelle would spend in a month for all of us! By the way, I haven’t eaten half of it.

Boat Safety

That evening, I took my jetskis out on the lake to do a test for in the morning. I had some teens planning to ride them, and I wanted to make sure they were riding ok before in the morning. I back the skis down into the water, and notice a LOT of gas floating on the surface. My initial thought was that someone previously had just emptied out their boat before loading it on to their trailer. As a jetski owner, this should have triggered an alarm, an alarm that normally would have been present with my wife and kids around….

I climb on top of one of the skis and begin to try to start the jetski. All of the sudden, a huge detonation comes out of the hull of the ski! This explosion blew the front lid open, shooting the storage compartment 3 feet up in the air! At the same time, a fire ball comes out of from under the seat singing the hairs on my legs. Turns out the gas floating in the lake was from my ski. It had a gas leak, and thanks to the ridiculously hot weather recently, there was a massive amount of gas fumes under the seat, waiting to be ignited.

Cleaning

On the way home on Sunday, our realtor called saying she had a showing. I get home and start looking around for floor cleaner. Turns out, glass cleaner does NOT clean ceramic floor tile! Where does all “that stuff” come from that I sweep off the hardwood floors? It’s only been me here for a few days! How does Michelle arrange the pillows on our bed so they look so “Ethan Allen” like? Do I leave lights on or off? Closet doors open or closed?

Cooking

I finally got around to cooking pizza. Slightly more conscious of my lack of attentiveness to certain tasks, I read the directions for the frozen pizza, and followed it to tee! I was so excited: preheat oven to 450 degrees. Check. Unwrap pizza from box. Already did that. Set on middle rack. We only have 2! Uh…. I’ll set it on the top and hope for the best. I come back in exactly 11 minutes, and the pizza is looking awesome. It’s got that brownish color to it that I love so much. I open the door, reach my hand into the oven, and am a milli second away from grabbing the thing WITH MY BARE HANDS, when a little voice in my head says, “hot.” It doesn’t scream at me like,” HEY! Idiot! Stop before you burn your fingers off!” It very politely and calmly says, “hot.” Thankfully, I listened.

These are only a few examples of how my brain seems to turn off when Michelle is around. There were others, like looking for Q-tips, pillows to sleep on, ceiling fan noise, door for the mailbox, etc. that I am not going to get into. The experience really showed how much I just seemed to have turned over to her. I wonder if she has similar experiences like these?

Liars

This summer, Michelle and I have been teaching a series to our college group on relationships. We have a great group of young adults that are mixed together from backgrounds such as financial, social, spiritual, and also personal maturity. Its been an absolute blessing to spend time with them. Not only do we teach them, but they teach us as well.

Sunday night one of them was scheduled to teach, but a lesson that I started in the morning went long, and we decided to carry it over. I talked about lying. Specifically, I played a clip from Radio Lab, titled "Deception". Its a documentary about lying, pathological liars, and the science behind lying. The clip that I played was about a con-woman who had gotten into the life of a friend of the producer. The phrase that I focused on was, "...and he has never had any close friends since...."

Think about that for a minute....

Imagine that where you are in this world right now, you would not ever develop a new intimate relationship! The only "serious" relationships you will have, are those that you presently have, for the rest of your life! As you can imagine this didn't sit very well with early 20s. They have their entire life ahead of them! And that was the point: Don't lie!

I know you might find this hard to believe, but I come across a little, let's say, harsh periodically. I have been called blunt. Emotionless. Unsympathetic. Its very rare that those that know me ask me how their new hairdos look. My reason for this, is that I do everything I can to not lie to people. And what amazes me sometimes is how difficult it is! Some people just don't want to be told the truth. They have an answer in their head, and that is what they want to hear. When they don't hear "that", they get their feelings hurt. And what I find absolutely fascinating is that something as simple as an opinion about a dress can have SERIOUS ramifications later! But the truth is, I am no different. As blunt and honest as I am, I also find myself asking people opinions when I already have the answer in my head.

On the other side of the coin, we don't want to hurt peoples' feelings. As one of our young adults mentioned Sunday night,"I understand I am not telling the ACTUAL truth, but it is just a white lie, and I don't want to hurt their feelings." And its that type of perception that is completely misunderstood. The effects of lying on a relationship are sum totals of many lies. The more lies I tell, the more you don't trust me. I keep telling you over and over that, "you look great in that dress", and eventually you catch me one time. You aren't impacted by that one lie! All the rest come with it!

My own personal opinion is that lying has its roots somewhere with the fear of confrontation. I am definitely no psychologist, but that seems to be rather obvious. "If I can get out of this immediate situation, then maybe I can regroup later to defend my actions!" Or more than likely, I will avoid you like the plague from now on, because I don't want to to talk about this particular topic!

Towards the end of the radiolab podcast, the hosts interview a guy who studies lying. He gives the "professional definition of lying", talks about how bluffing in poker is not lying, due to the fact that all competitors know that part of the game is bluffing, and he also talked about a fascinating experiment he did a few years back: He didn't lie for an entire year!

Imagine that for a minute.

"Honey, do I look fat in this dress?"
"Do you like my hair cut?"
"Would you like to come over? I am having a party tonight."
"What did you think of my presentation?"

In this year, as he put it, he learned how to speak eloquently so as to do the least harm on some one's feelings. The cliffnotes version is: avoid answering directly, but be honest. It is actually possible to answer someone without hurting their feelings. You have to KNOW them. By that, I mean you have to have a pretty good idea of how they will react to the news. He talks about how difficult it was to choose his words carefully. He says it was literally exhausting sometimes.

And that is my point: its easier to lie. If we just tell them what they want to hear, they won't be disappointed.

But is that really true?

If we just go over for a few minutes, be fashionably late, speak to 5 people, agree on the hand signals with the spouse to get us out of there, and then politely leave after the 2nd person who leaves, then they will be happy when they talk to us about their party on Monday. Even though we never wanted to go in the first place.

If we invite 40 people into our home when it can only accommodate 20, because some of those 20 have relationships with a select few that we don't want to associate with, but if they found out about our party and were not invited they would have their feelings hurt. So, we over invite people with the thought that they will be in our home and we may not actually have to speak to them because there are so many people at our party!

Whew! Its exhausting!

I think we just need to be honest. We need to spend some energy and choose our words carefully. We also need to NOT have high expectations of what we want to hear. It goes both ways. Again, relationships are two way streets. Let's treat them that way.

* Differences

Yet another piece of data in the differences in my children...

All those who have traveled with children in the backseat know that at times the noise from that small square footage can seem more than you can take. Sometimes I loose my cool, others I can ignore it, sometimes I fall in the middle. My favorite technique is to turn up the volume on the radio. This works 99.5% of the time.

Yesterday I turned up the volume with little success so I went for step two, turning it up more. This succeeded in quieting my son but NOT my daughter. So I went to step three, turning it more again. The music quite loud now and should be getting my point across. I look in the rear view mirror and she is doing a 'disco' style dance move and head banging. The mix of styles is unfortunate but the fact that my technique was completely ineffective really stunk.

Sigh.

Just another example of how the teenage years will go for me. (Not her dad of course who is PITIFUL and the one in this family she can manipulate in milliseconds)

* Rich

Let us all assume that you have seen the list of questions designed to point out how rich we are. I have clothes on my back, a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator. Which makes me richer than 75% of the world. Owning a computer make me one of the top 1%. By definition if you are reading this - you also have a computer and are as rich as I am. The statistics are interesting, yet rarely motivating. Sad really. Apparently most of us need to literally be hit in the head with a 2x4 to feel anything.

Yesterday the kids and I traveled over to the inner city church for lunch, which our college ministry serves weekly through the summer. I have said before how glad I am to have an active service outlet for my family and particularly my children. I try not to stress over numbers and that is good since yesterday we fed three teenagers, along with our selves. Not the largest crowd. I flippantly said we were focusing on quality not quantity that day. That flip remark turned out to be true. For over an hour I stood in a basement kitchen talking with three of our under privileged youth in this city. They were helpful and tolerant of my differences. I was the one out of place. They were at home and comfortable.

Admittedly I am older than is 'cool' and amazingly out of touch. Instead of trying to be something I am not I honestly admit I know nothing. They found my lack of coolness entertaining and spent fifteen minutes scrolling through the music on their phones to find something I had heard. They finally found one. During this process I also was introduced to a song by Mary Mary called 'God in Me' which I really liked. I promised to go home and listen to more. During this time another adult walked through the room and within a minute alienated all three of those teens. He probably thought he was meeting 'today's underprivileged.' I have no doubt he does good things, but that minute wasn't one of them. In his attitude he angered rather than endeared them. When he left they turned to me and asked if I liked him. I could only honestly say I did not know him well. It was interesting to see the response and it comforted me to know I wasn't failing miserably.

Let's bring those threads together now. (money and honesty fo rthose who weren't follow the 'threads') A few minutes later the teens and I joined the minister and one of our college students for a great discussion in the basement nursery about church and community etc.. During that discussion one of the girls asked me if I was rich. I immediately backed off and said a safe thing like I was rich compared to the rest of the world. We talked a little about how America overall is richer than billions of people. That was not satisfying to her. She asked again and I took a deep breathe and said,

"Yes I am rich"

(That is hard to say since we seem trained to always compare ourselves to those with more, but truly the statistic of being in the top 1% is true)

Her response "Then you are one of those good rich people"

In an emotional moment I could have cried. She spoke honestly with me and appreciated my honesty in return. To her I am drippingly rich. I know some one who once showed the average income by zip code. My church building sits in a zip code of over 100000 average income per year. (three times that of our state) The inner city church building sits in a zip code of less than one fourth of that. The difference between our resources are vast.

What do I do with my richness? Lament the fact that I am wealthy since Christ said it would be hard to get into to heaven? I do not think that is the answer, although stuff and money often get in our way to seeking God and His kingdom. I think the answer to being rich is same as the solution to many situations. Honesty. Admitting what we have and that it belongs to God Himself. I should not back away from the reality of what I have, it doesn't help me and it doesn't help those I see in the inner city. I watched as honesty was more effective than good intentions. I didn't like admitting I didn't know their music or that I had way more than they did. But pushing them away would be worse.

There are so many people I know with tons more money than I have. Their bank account has a lot more zeros at the end. Their houses are bigger and nicer and have pools and theater rooms and custom cabinetry.

However looking up at the rest of the 1% is not the true picture. I need to be honest with myself and not back away from the fact that I am rich. (And you my friends on the computer are too)

Thank you ATT for No Cell Phone Service

We went traveling this past weekend. We went to Fontana Village and Resort. This place is 2 miles from Fontana Dam, and there is all kinds of things to do. Its a perfect spot to just get away, or even stay for a week or two. We will definitely get back soon.

Since US129 (Tail of the Dragon) is closed due to a rockslide, we had to go through Cherokee, NC. This route took us about an hour longer. It wasn't too long before we figured out we had no cell service. With the place being a "resort", I kind of expected to have cell service once I got there, so I wasn't too concerned. Well, when we got to the resort, we still had no cell service. Interestingly, if we had Verizon, we would have.....

At first, I was frustrated with ATT for not having cell service in the middle of the Smokies. But then, I changed my opinion. Why was I here? To have a day AWAY, and as much as I would like to think I would put my phone down, I don' think I would have. For that reason, I am thankful to ATT for not having cell service up there. Some places just don't need it.

Do you find it difficult to put your phone down for extended periods? Can you shut it off for a weekend? Or, are you like me and need a place with no cell service to go to?

*Something Better

Children are the greatest spiritual teachers out there in bodily form. God speaks most to me through the words and actions of my children. As some may know we are hosting our nieces through VBS and others may also know that my daughter tends to have the roughest time during these visits. 95% of the time everyone is happy and getting along, but if one princess is going to be unhappy it tends to be mine. She is more used to being the solitary princess that the other two, who are used to having another girl around. The youngest tends to get what she asks for, because her sister and my son will sweep in and hand it over because she is the smallest. Anyway... my daughter was having one of those times when her brother was giving to my youngest niece at the 'expense' of his sister. When handing out the cereal bowls this morning he gave the one my daughter wanted to my niece because she also wanted it. This was most upsetting and prompted some crying. Feeling like she needed some special attention I offered a 'special breakfast' when we got to the church building. "Just me and you" This special breakfast being a trip to the buffet in the library for the VBS workers:) I knew I was offering something better than the bowl of cereal that was causing such drama. I knew there were strawberries and donuts and bagels, etc that she loves to eat. I knew this was a treat.

She did not. She cried some more and begged for a bowl of cereal in the color she wanted. She did not want purple or green. She needed PINK!

I offered again and promised a wonderful treat and time with momma. She snuffed and consented against her better judgement.

Then in the car she told me she didn't want my treat.

I was quite irritated with her at this time, and hurt. I knew what I offered was better and that she would love it and it was the best offer available to her, but in her anger and hurt and, I may say, in her pride she didn't want it. She wanted what she wanted, not what I offered.

How often do I do that with God?

I cry and I beg and I whine for what I want. When all the while he is calling me to something better, because He Knows what I do not.

Later I pulled my daughter aside and showed her the buffet of food she told me she didn't want. I was tempted to not give it to her, because she was so snippy to me, but instead we went through the line and she got a donut and some fruit and some milk and was so happy sitting alone with mom.

And I who know how to give good things to my daughter am a broken person. How much more does my Father in heaven know how to give good things?.... if only I would let go of what I am begging for and see what He has to offer instead. It will always be something better.

* Medical Adventures

My niece reminded me the other day that I had not posted on my son's medical adventures. She did this in an unexpected way, not in a straight forward "Aunt Michelle you need to post about my cousin." Instead she ran down the steps and dramatically announced that my son was "laying on the floor of [my] room and he looks sick." I panicked and ran upstairs to find him laying on the floor of my room holding his leg because he had bumped it in that spot on your knee cap that just hurts. A praise to God for that spot and praise God that was all that was wrong.



Since January Judah and I have walked around expecting something else.



Two summers ago our son awoke, the final morning of the youth mission trip, having a seizure. This was most upsetting to Judah because he saw it as they were in a boys room. I missed it and only saw the next 45 minutes of lethargy when we couldn't keep him awake or responsive. Not fun. We then drove the entire area of Mobile looking for the children's hospital. We found two other hospitals before locating the one we wanted. By that time our son was up and conversing and looking like nothing was wrong. They did some blood work, declared it a febrile seizure since he was still 6 and he had a fever. Hopefully never to happen again.



And for 18 months it didn't.



This January at another youth trip Judah sat up in bed and declared that our son was having another seizure. In that split second I thought it odd that he could know that so quickly. Then I heard the teeth grinding and nasal secretions and since then I can hear it quite easily as well even from rooms away. It is not a sound easily forgotten. Having experienced the first one Judah was ahead of me on that day. He was indeed having another seizure. Lasted 1-2 minutes and then again 45 minutes of lethargy and crying (for those who have seen neuro patients cry you will know the sound/look - for others you will not, a neuro cry is not a cry of pain as you normally see/hear it) We very handily had a physician on that trip with us and he (and his family) very graciously allowed us to wake them up at the early hour of eight (early for a youth ski trip) Soon enough our son came around - the group prayed for us and we began the travel home, because we were six hours from a decent hospital and one just never knows... After he became himself again our son was pissed that we left and he didn't get another day of skiing.

We called our pediatrician when we returned, got a routine office visit and an appointment for an EEG. I am going to pick up the pace... Very little sleep on EEG night, which thrilled our son because he and I were playing Wii at 11:30 and that was very cool. Having to sleep at the EEG was not his thing but cuddled next to mom it went ok. That afternoon we made him take a nap (which he protested because he had already slept once that day and he doesn't TAKE NAPS anymore) Against his will he did anyway because we had to travel the next day (or so we thought) but that is another post.

Normal EEG. Got an appointment with a neuro doc just for kicks. Mom and dad feel better. Then a few weeks later dad is at his early morning men's prayer/bible study and I heard the teeth and the secretions and was out of bed and across the hall to find my son on the floor. No fun to watch. My heart goes out to those parents who have witnessed more than I. This seizure got us a moved up neurologist appointment and an MRI. The neuro doc reported that he had benign Rollandic seizures. They happen only at night and rarely develop into the full blown ones that we have seen. Most are confined to his face. With this information the amazing amount of drool marks on his pillow/sheets over the past couple of years makes heaps more sense...

Normal MRI. Much to Judah's frustration there is nothing that we know that triggers the seizures. We can not ensure avoidance through proper eating or sleeping or illness, etc. That has not stopped our paranoia when he runs a fever or gets over tired. It has also found us getting up to check on him in the night when we hear strange things. An interesting note now that summer has arrived. There is a poster in my son's room that scrapes the wall with an amazing resemblance to teeth grinding when the ceiling fan is on. There is now a chair holding that poster to the wall due to its interrupting my sleep and scaring the __ out of me.

Thusly when my niece came and told me he was on the floor looking sick, despite the knowledge that his seizures are at night I still ran up the stairs.

Sometimes moms and dads (and grandparents and aunts/uncles) think with their heart first and not their brain. We have been seizure free since February and look forward to growing out of them in the preteen - early teen years. Then we can lose sleep worrying about something else.

* Quirky Quotes

This next quote would be best seen in video but hopefully the concept will come through. The following conversation was observed between my daughter and eldest niece while we were walking through our local mega-home improvement store. They had spent the last thirty minutes declaring everything fashionable or not with phrasing such as "That is sooooo in fashion" or "That is sooooo NOT in fashion" (Please recreate those words in your head with the appropriate tone) I am reserving my thoughts on that part because I have mixed emotions about the general idea that my daughter thinks there is some merit to "fashion." Maybe I have the same thoughts but keep them in my head instead of declaring them to the shopping public at the mega store. Anyway....... After making their opinions on tile and counters and handles and wire and tools and paint color and light bulbs and whatever else they saw my niece made the following suggestion....

"Let's walk like this...Only let your toes touch the ground"

(She then demonstrated what I believe she thought fashionable people walk like... which resembled a high stepping horse-duck which had apparently stepped on a tack)

(This lasted for all of two steps.)

It seems the vision she had in her head was not easily recreated in reality because she then said...

"Maybe we should just glide."

Relationships

This summer, our college group is doing a study on relationships. Instead of focusing on the classic, male - female kind, we are looking at one's relationships as a whole. In other words, we are studying the relationships that one has with friends, spouse, children, work, God, environment, etc. Basically everything. Its been eye opening for most of us when we start discussing Gods' expectations of us when it comes to our relationship with our pet dog.

Last week, I taught a class to a group of men about the concept of relationships and how we (human) were connected to pretty much everything we come in contact with while living on this planet. I used the verses Genesis 1:26 - 28 as a back drop. We are created in God's image. We are to rule over every living thing. We are to rule over the earth. We are to populate it.

I don't' want to get into an in depth discussion of what "image of God" means, but I do want to highlight one aspect. Being created in the image of God means trying to see the world the way He does. Treating people the way they deserve to be treated. Taking care of animals the way God would.

N. T. Wright has an excellent quote in "After You Believe": "Human is thus a kind of midway creature: reflecting God into the world, and reflecting the world back to God." Wow! What a concept! he goes on to say, "God placed Human in the garden to reflect His image into the new world He was making - that is, to be the means, present and visible, whereby His own care of garden and the animals would become a reality. And if human was going to do this, Human was going to have to keep in tune with God."

We all have this "feeling" when something is right or something is wrong. Where we get messed up is when we try to start justifying our actions. Murder is wrong. But what if someone is trying to kill my family? Its still wrong. This "feeling" of what is right or what is wrong in the world is "the Image of God". Things become more black and white the more in tune with God we are.

Along with the concept of image of God, the thought that we reign over the earth is amazing. God has given us the ability to rule over everything! However, that does not give us the right to mistreat animals and pollute His creation. We can not rule over something that is destroyed! Again, we must attempt to see this world the way God sees this world. We must be in tune with it, and we must be in tune with God.

How do you "get in tune" with God? How do you "see" people you come in contact with? Do you see God in them? Do you reflect God back to them? Do you view your pets as God's creation? What about those rodents? How do you see your place on this planet?

* Quirky Quotes

From the backseat ...

"I am not going to have a car when I grow up"

"Why not?" asks the uninformed mother...

"People will just come and pick me up."

Apparently she should have been born a princess, or she thinks she has been, although truthfully that has been her life experience thus far. Reminder to throw up an extra prayer for the man God has in mind for my daughter...

* Pulitzers

I made a list of back logged ideas months ago and I though I would get around to some. At first I thought of doing Disney with some pictures, but found the idea overwhelming so I looked for another topic. I will hereby cross off the yearbook, because it is over, we didn't lose any money, it looked great (in my opinion) and I am not doing it next year, and I don't want to talk about it anymore. I still want to do some of the others and I thought this topic might be the easiest to accomplish while lunch is cooking and my son finishes his learning time. (We are totally on schedule today for those that are interested :) )

Several months ago my best friend did a post on Pulitzers that she has read, inspired by another book loving friend that she has. They are, I believe, in direct competition, while I merely stole the idea for myself. Apparently there is a way to link to the site so you too can know how many Pulitzer prize winning books you have read. I don't know how to link but you can google it!

Thus far I have read the following books...

• 1919 - Booth Tarkington - The Magnificent Ambersons
• 1928 - Thornton Wilder - The Bridge of San Luis Rey
• 1932 - Pearl Buck - The Good Earth
• 1937 - Margaret Mitchell - Gone With the Wind
• 1940 - John Steinbeck - The Grapes of Wrath
• 1953 - Ernest Hemingway - The Old Man and the Sea
• 1961 - Harper Lee - To Kill a Mockingbird
• 1988 - Tony Morrison - Beloved(begun but never finished - hated it, but giving myself credit because it was that bad)

I have started The Age of Innocence - by Edith Wharton and it is fairly good, but then I got sick for a month, the yearbook loomed and I had to give it back to the library because I used up my three check outs. I plan to get it again next time and finish it, along with some others as I can. I was surprised how many are not in the library. Being myself I wrote out a list of the books in chronological order, 4 out of 5 were not there.

I plan to get a list of the Newberry winners as well, because they are easier to read! Although I think there are a ton more of them.

Happy reading!

* Summer Schedule

While I do still want to get some back logged posts - I am taking my scrap booking approach and staying current whenever possible. We have set our summer schedule and I know you all were waiting with anticipation. It looks shockingly similar to last years, and I wonder how long it will remain on the refrigerator before the kids take to hiding it again in order to somehow avoid 'learning time' as though if lost the memory of such would fall out of my head. Our schedule for this year

9:00 Breakfast

9:30 Bible/Cleaning

10:00 Outdoor/Free Time

11:00 Learning Time

12:00 Lunch

12:30 Walk

1:00 Craft/Art/Cooking

2:00 Nap/Quiet Reading

4:00 TV/Wii/Computer

The schedule does not continue after this point because dad arrives home shortly after tv time and the evenings could go in any direction. Our odds of following this are relatively low to medium. I will testify that the younger one does not stay on target at learning time for very long and tends to distract her brother form completing his activities. Day one continues...

* Quirky Quotes

My daughter likes to think she can spell. Since she is not yet in elementary school and is not a documented child prodigy, she actually has not spelled anything but her name successfully. This does not stop her from trying or from feeling proud of her efforts. She is undaunted by my statements that what she just spelled is not even a word. --- In my defense I am trying to encourage actual spelling of age appropriate words and not continue to applaud everything she does. She has letter recognition down, and some letter sounds, I need to encourage truth in learning not praise for every effort at spell-scribbling (a newly minted concept from ten seconds ago) --- Today her brother, rather than cutting her down for spelling yet another thing that didn't exist, gave her a helping hand. This is the conversation on the drive home from the library...

"C-R-N-O"......"What does that spell?"

"That is not even a word, honey" says the totally non supportive mother in the front seat.

The supportive brother replies..."Actually if you were saying the word 'crab' and someone asked you a question that you had to say 'no' to, you might say...'cr..no.'


Wrap your mind around that!

* Random mom observations...

It has been yet another unbelievably long time since I posted, but life is as it is, especially during yearbook season and end of school wrap up time. I did however want to get this comparison down.

A few weeks ago I was reading with my daughter and the book had some trucks in it. On one particular page she pointed to a 'back-hoe' and asked what it was. I thought she was kidding. But apparently we have never taught her the word 'back-hoe' before, or 'bull-dozer' for that matter. She has been completely deprived of large earth moving equipment knowledge. This seemed weird because I don't think it was through intentional neglect. She is terribly girly but lives in a world surrounded by boy things. This disproves the osmosis theory.

A few days later while looking through some silly bands (which by the way is the weirdest fad I have ever seen and participated in...) My son pointed to some and asked what they were. My daughter used her best 'duh - are you stupid?' voice to say.. "a perfume bottle and that one is lipstick" Now apparently my son is lacking girly shape recognition as well.

So I have come to the conclusion that I am subconsciously raising stereotypes. However I believe there is hope, because I clearly recognized the lipstick silly band, as well as know the difference between a back-hoe and bull-dozer. Judah can change spark plugs and we are working on his ponytail skills. (For being the gender that is supposed to be good with their hands boys have great struggles with little girl ponytails.)

These are the thoughts that flow through my mind...

Views on Capitalism, Again

Recently, the big wigs at Goldman Sachs were brought before Congress to explain their role in what appears to be questionable practices in hedge fund management. There was a lot of swearing by congressman, accusations of breaking the law, vehement monologues that nothing Goldman did was illegal, and in short, nothing was actually accomplished. All can agree that what Goldman Sachs actually did was immoral, but not necessarily illegal. Also recently, Obama actually made the statement, “I do think at a certain point you’ve made enough money.” Unfortunately, the fact that he made this statement is not surprising. But there is something in these two topics that I believe need discussing. That topic is the concept of capitalism and the MORAL responsibility to those that "have enough."

What is “enough”? Who “has enough”? Can you honestly say that if someone makes $_________ per year that that is enough money? The answer is no. Most everyone will say, "it depends on a number of factors such as, location, standard of living, debt to income ratio, dependents, etc." There is no absolute number that will fit all people. Now, I can say that recently Michelle and I had the conversation of “where did it all go this month?” Granted, we were able to identify where the money went, but it got me thinking again: “what is enough?” Truth is, I don’t have a very good answer. I find myself thinking that I don’t have enough on a not too frequent basis. I have to remind myself that there is a significant majority who don’t even have a home on this planet.

Historically, as people gain more and more money, they strive to spend more, give more, and save more. This is the beauty of our society, and this concept helps it to thrive. In short, as I am paid more, I will spend more and give more. Those who I give to spend more as well. This spending and giving improves the economy. As the economy improves, I make more money, thus spending and giving more. It’s a beautiful circle….

Our commander and chief would have us believe that he knows what the finite amount is that someone can earn. But do we really want to live in a culture that actually has a ceiling on financial growth? My answer is no. Unfortunately, the Goldman Sachs fiasco has led people to believe that our free market can (or at least should) have laws attached to it that force people to do the moral thing. This is not true. No amount of laws will force people to ALWAYS do the moral thing. Restricting someone's income, for any reason, will only force them to focus more on themselves, than on others.

If someone has a lot of money, they should give a lot of money to those in need. We all know this to be the case, because it is the moral thing to do. We all have a moral compass built inside of us. There should not be laws in place to force people to do the right thing with money. That‘s my problem with Obama’s statement and congress wasting tax payer money trying beat up executives taking advantage of rules already set forth in the financial arena. Because here is the question: “how much money do I give?” Would I really give enough if I am forced to give?

We want billionaires to give away as much as possible. We don’t want entrepreneurs to be limited to a certain value. That defeats the purpose. What we want is for billionaires to recognize that the money actually isn’t theirs in the first place. Its God’s. He wants you to do wonderful things with it! So, instead putting laws in place to restrict growth, let’s start encouraging those with more to give more. How do we do that?

Ask

A couple of weeks ago I taught a class at church on relationships. It centered on the scripture from Matthew 7:7 – 11, “Ask, Seek, and Knock.” Those who are raised in church, or even attend church regularly, will hopefully see this passage as familiar. We instinctively go to the thought of something like, “if I ask God for it, He will give it. If I am TRULY sincere in my request, and CONTINUALLY ask, He will provide it.” However, recently I heard a different take on this passage. That’s what the class about.

My problem with saying this passage is JUST about “ask God for it, and he will give it” is that it makes God out to be some type of spiritual vending machine. I guess another way of putting it, is it makes Him out to be nothing more than a “facilitator for our narcissistic desires” (I wish I could take the credit for that phrase, but alas, I can’t! Thanks Rob Bell for that description....). Because the truth is, what happens to us when God DOESN’T answer our prayers the way we want Him to? At the most, we try to convince ourselves that He knows what is best (because He does), and we try move on with our lives. At the worst, we say that there is no God, because He didn’t answer our prayers….

I think that there is something else we can get out of this passage. I think in some ways, Jesus is saying this is how we should be with each other. We should “ask” for help. We should “seek” each others’ friendships. We should “knock” for opportunities to be with each other. Look, this isn’t blasphemy or “misinterpreting the bible”, so don’t even go there. I really think that there is something to comparing this passage to how we are to interact with each other. Let me clarify:

I think one has to look at chapter 6 and 7 almost in the same breath. Take a look at Chapter 6 out of Matthew. It’s about entrusting our lives to God. Specifically, vs. 25 – do not worry about your life…. By the end of chapter 6, Jesus is trying to show how much of a waste it is to worry. Just look at how many calories you burn worrying about trivial things that you have no control over in the first place! It is such a waste of energy! When you put all of your life (what you eat, what you will wear, how long you will live, etc.) before God, you become a non-anxious presence with yourself. You have entrusted yourself to God.

Now, take a look at chapter 7. It’s about our relationship with others. “Don’t judge, lest you be judged.” When we are NOT a calm presence in peoples’ lives we are trying to control them. In this way, we see people for their value in what they can do for us. We shouldn’t control people. We shouldn’t judge. We shouldn’t condemn. We shouldn’t look at the spec in the other person’s eye. These are how we control others through negative means. In the same way, we shouldn’t manipulate others. Throwing something valuable (pearl) to someone who can not appreciate it, is only one way we control people (give gifts to those to change their habits). This is done through “positive means”. Pushing gifts on people CAN be a form of controlling others. We get what we want by controlling people through negative things (judging and condemning) and positive things (gifts and sacred things).

So, if I am reading these passages together, and God is trying to teach me how to have a relationship with Him (chapter 6), and He is also teaching me how to have a relationship with others (chapter 7), it seems it would be obvious that the next train of thought would be how to do these things. If I turn EVERYTHING over to God, how do I interact with Him? If I no longer want to control or manipulate people, what would be a healthy way to interact with them? Could it be to ask? Seek? Knock?

Let’s look at the “relationship with others” part. When we ask, we are honoring the free will of the other person. We respect them. We are not coercing them (throwing pearls). It’s not manipulation, because they can always say NO. Having the right to say “no” is key.
Here is an example. You are at home. It’s the middle of the night. Your spouse starts having chest pains. They are so bad; you know you should take them to the emergency room. But what do you do with your kids? Do you call someone? Do you take them with you? And if you do call, who do you call and what do you say? Those you are most close to will be the first you think of. You HOPE you won’t “bother them” by waking them at 4 in the morning. You also “trust them” with your children as you go to take care of your spouse. And if you are like me, you almost inadvertently say something like, “sorry to bother you so late, but….”

Now, let’s say you don’t call. Let’s say you decide to NOT “bother them”. You take the kids to the emergency room, and they sit (sleep) in the waiting room. Turns out, after the tests, your spouse is ok. You and your family go home and start your day. You get to the office, go for a cup of coffee, meet your buddy and begin telling your story from the previous night. What do you think the first thing out of his mouth is going be? “Dude, you could have called me.” And don’t we think that? “If he had gone to the emergency room with his wife, he could have called me. Why did he think he couldn’t call me? We are bros!” And if we are honest with ourselves, there would be a part of us that is actually hurt when we find out they didn’t ask us, even if it is at 4 in the morning.

Our problem is independence. Our culture in America today dictates that if we are not on a path that leads to independence as soon as possible, then there is something wrong with us. We can pick it out of conversation that we have with each other:

“Sorry to bother you. Sorry for calling so late. I hate to ask this of you….”
If we take these phrases apart, could we not respond to a close friend like, “So, I guess what I am hearing is, our friendship is such that you actually feel sorrow in the core of your body when you ask me to do something? That is the existent of our relationship? Asking me for help hurts you that badly?” Is this what friendship is really about? Asking someone for help strengthens a relationship. Doing it without the tag lines (“I’m sorry to….) makes it even stronger. And one more thing: we shouldn’t feel obligated to pay them back when they actually do help us! We should feel comfortable asking for help, and they should feel like they are not owed anything. Think about it: when you help a friend in need, do you continually bring it back up, subconsciously expecting some type of payment? So why feel obligated to pay them back? I’m not saying you don’t do good things for your friend. I am just saying we shouldn’t feel obligated to do something good, because they did something good for us. That sounds like a blog for another day....

Jesus definitely gets a little confusing about what relationship He is referring to in this passage. If you look at the rest of the verses, Jesus tells a parable in verses 9 and 10 about fathers and their children. He then is rather clear in vs. 11 about our relationship with God. But then he ends the passage in vs. 12 about dealing with others. All I am saying is, I don’t believe the “ask, seek, and knock”, is JUST about dealing with God. It’s also about dealing with each other as well.

This isn’t the only passage where the lines between our relationships with each other are also blurred with our relationship with God. Just look at Matthew 6: 14 and 15, Matthew 22:37 – 40, or James 3:10. These are just a few of the passage that show how we interact with each other reflects our relationship with God. It is IMPOSSIBLE to praise God and slander someone else. It can’t be done. I mean, we might physical sing praises to God, and then cuss the guy who cut us off as we were going to Sunday lunch. But in our hearts, these actions cannot be done. When we worship God, we gain a respect for other people. How we deal with others helps us to deal with God. The way we interact with each other is deeply reflective of how we interact with God. And, how we understand God is transformed into our relationships with others.

So, we need to learn how to ask. It will make the relationship stronger.

* Slacker

I am a procrastinator - most of you know this. Those who do not have clearly been hallucinating. I have gone quite a long time without posting and I truly kept meaning to, not because you are desperate for my words, but because I do find them entertaining myself, and as most of you also know 'it is all about me' anyway :)! I have had some great ideas for posts - at least in my opinion, and I would like to get to them, but not today... However I will be making a list of those things I want to talk about so I can remember them for when I get around to it. I am not sure it will get to 10 but you never know.

• I am reading a book by Heschel that is lovely and I want to share some quotes. It is occasionally mentally thick and I feel like I am wading up stream trying to read it, then other times the sun breaks through the clouds and it is just awesome. (Two completely different metaphors, but that is the quality of my writing today)
• I finished some other books in the faith based genre that I would also like to comment on, even if Judah has already commented. As the one who actually read the book I feel I am allowed my own thoughts :)
• My best friend metaphorically challenged me to read more Pulitzer prize winning books than her and this has inspired some other reading. I am mentally preparing myself to lose since she is the English major and has a greater tolerance for literature than myself - at least this is what I am telling myself so I won't wallow in despair when I can't keep up.
• My son has led us down a fun medical road in the last few months, but I can breathe easier now with the last mailed test result - normal MRI, no pathology, just childhood epilepsy- an unexpected praise.
• I am on the yearbook committee AGAIN - and my deadlines are looming - blgh.
• I am not in Ghana this year and planning a more normal spring break with my kids, off to grandmas!
• A trip to Disney should get some comments, but fell in the middle of David's tests and I never got around to that either.
• My daughter got her first stitches and we spent a lovely evening in the ER.
• We are still thinking of selling our house and it has raised some interesting questions about what to buy next if that happens, bigger or smaller?
• I am not sure of a tenth, but it was just SO CLOSE I couldn't help myself..... :)

I will leave you with this overheard dialogue from this afternoon...

My daughter prances into my son's room, where he is having a battle and asks-

Are you the King?

No.

Are you the knight?

No.

What are you?

I am not going to tell you.

Are you the (pause for struggle to find another word) ................... guard?

No.

What are you?

I am not going to tell you.

Are you the (insert longer pause to find another word)................. fighter?

No.

What are you?

I am NOT going to TELL you.

Are you the 'I'm not gonna tell you'?

NO!

Alright had that been the end it would have been funny enough to me. Her struggle to find boyish words and his irritation and finally her resort to early sarcasm was hilarious, but apparently the moment was so moving as to inspire song because then she broke into an impromptu solo...

He's not the king, he's not the prince, he's not the guard, he's not the fighterrrrrrrrrrrrr. He's not going to TELLLLLLLLLLLL!

I can only imagine her twirling around his battle for a bit with her song then losing interest because she left shortly after. I am glad that I did not watch the interchange because it was funnier in my head.

How can I not blog those jewels daily? I am such a slacker.

What Could be

Recently Michelle finished a book by Frank Viola. I’ll be honest: I probably agree with about half of what he writes about. He comes across very emphatic about a lot of his beliefs. This bluntness rubs me the wrong way. It’s almost like, “if you don’t believe what I believe then you are wrong.” Kind of like how I am at times. Oh, wait a minute…. I am sure he is a decent guy, and if I knew him personally, would probably think completely differently. It’s really hard to get your views down on paper and then have them come out exactly how you expect them to. I should know: I am constantly pulling my foot out of my mouth…. I am almost certain that I am going to get a talking to from my ministry buddies after they read this blog.

Anyway, back to the stuff I actually agree with that Viola wrote in the book that Michelle was reading. He made a comment that he believed that ministry leaders (pastors, preachers, children’s ministry leaders, college ministers, etc.) should NOT be paid full-time by their local congregation. He made some very impressive arguments some of which included: 1) where is the book chapter and verse in the bible for full time staff? 2) Think of the money that could be directed to missions, benevolence, etc. 3) tends to stifle the Holy Spirit in other members because they (the members) subconsciously look to the “leader of the church” (full paid staff) for guidance, along with a few more.

However, this blog is about a specific reason for not having full paid staff. You see, Michelle and I have been running into a particular issue for years now. It didn’t matter what church we attended, because I am almost certain that it is universal. What I am talking about is the concept of “what could be”. I have heard numerous conversations about “what the church could be”, if we _____________, and we (members) do tend to look toward the full time staff to fill in the blank. Unfortunately, full time ministers tend to NOT be as blunt about the direction, focus, vision, whatever you want to call it, with their ministry and/or congregation. Full time ministers, in general, can feel they need to make sure everyone is happy, for the sake of their job. They know what needs to be done. They are fully aware of the personalities and dynamics within their own congregation. They understand how the Holy Spirit works in their particular congregation. Unfortunately, they can be resistant, because if an idea is too “out there”, then they could very well lose their job. This is an unfortunate situation.

I am almost certain that in every congregation Michelle and I have been a part of, there was at least one minister that was an “out of the box” thinker around the coffee table, but could revert to safer waters when they spoke in public. And seriously, do you blame them?! If one’s job was HIGHLY dependent on what you said on a weekly basis, do you blame them?

It absolutely amazes me how many conversations I have had about “vision casting”, “what the church should be”, “where the focus of our money and time should be”, and a host of many others. I would be a part of these conversations, get really excited thinking that our church leadership was going to give a clear and concise direction on ministries, funding, growth opportunities, outreach, how accountability was going to work, etc. only to be gravely disappointed to hear yet another budgetary summary coupled with why we are not meeting budget, yet again. Or maybe it would be an anticipated sermon about the “direction of the church” and how members were going to be empowered, only to be met with a mundane, scripted discussion of how the church body just “needs to get out there” and show Jesus.

For centuries, mankind has followed great leaders who were able to vision cast their beliefs in a way that created followers. More often than not, these leaders were not afraid of the opinions of their followers. It amazes the amount of talent that is in church leadership these days. God is good, all the time! All around the country, there are men and women in leadership roles that are gifted by God to direct local congregations to spread the Good News in the unique ways that their particular congregation is designed for. But, we need leaders who are not afraid of the status quo. We need leaders who understand what changes need to be made in order to reach believers in the 21^st century. We need leaders who are able to express their passion for a ministry in a way that makes others beg to follow them. We need leaders filled with the Holy Spirit and can see that we are filled with the Holy Spirit as well. In my opinion, the MAIN way of doing these things, is to remove the barrier that so many ministers stand behind. Free them from their salaries, stop paying them full time, and start helping them get part time to full time jobs so that they can be released from thinking they have to say and do things to please everyone in a congregation. With that freedom, I truly believe we would see a growth in the church like what we see in the book of Acts. We need leaders, but more importantly, we need leaders who are not afraid to step on toes, hold people accountable, and blaze a trail with the Holy Spirit.

Giving talks

I recently did a talk on “Defining Moments”. This was done as part of our Men’s Gathering Series at Farragut Church of Christ. After the weekend, I asked the men for a critique, and what they got out of the weekend. Below, is a collection of thoughts from them.

- Obviously you are sincere about your faith and you attempt to walk it each day – that is the most important element that gives you credibility.
- I liked the props and your use of them in the “backpack” session. Many of us could identify with your points. I also liked the personal examples and self-effacing approach.
- I prefer a limited use of PowerPoint presentations and, when possible, use images on them instead of words.
- I had trouble connecting all of the sessions with the theme. It may have been obvious to others, but it would have helped me if you had consistently reminded us of the theme of the gathering and how each talk addressed the theme (you may have done this and I missed it due to my state of mind)
- I would have preferred shorter lectures and more discussion. To illustrate, I liked your golf ball lesson. It seemed to take on even greater richness when people made observations about what they saw (like the observation about how the turbulent water became calm once God’s Spirit completely filled the voids in our life – Wow). Someone else observed how the sand changed in quality (color) as God’s Spirit filled the voids.
- I don’t know if was possible in this setting to circle the seats and create a discussion “pit.” There probably was not space for that, but that is also my preference.
- You quickly engaged the audience by putting up the Twitter visuals. They were funny and entertaining.
- The hiking and camping equipment and personal story drove home the points using objects you pulled from the back pack.
- You shared a part of you that others never knew; this helped give credence to your story making it more applicable to our lives as well.
- The audio/visuals kept the audience focused up front.

- What I got out of the lesson:
a. God has a plan for me, for you, and all men at the gathering.
b. My plans are immaterial to God’s plan.
c. God’s plan will prevail no matter how much interference I run.
d. There are definitely going to be some setbacks in my life.
e. Our relationships with friends and family will get us through the rough spots.
f. I have marker stones in my life, and how I view those stones determines the future course of my life.
- What I liked:
a. You allowed the audience to speak up during the presentation.
b. You made it fun!
c. There was lots of true laughter and fellowship (not the kind of “forced” laughs that most presentations elicit).
d. You hit on some tough topics that all men in the room could relate to.
e. You were well prepared, which meant that if questions or comments came up, you could respond to them, then return right back to where you were without appearing to be lost or confused.

- Don’t read your power point slides.
- Put less on your power point slides.

My (Judah's) take away
- Remember the Holy Spirit is in charge.
- Use humor
- Provide time for comment, and talk in a way that lets the audience know they can ask questions/provide comments during the presentation.
- Use different styles of teaching. For example, the first talk was more lecture, but it had humor, power point, and props. In short, I pulled out all the stops! Also, we had a talk right after lunch on Saturday. This period is a good time for naps, so to keep everyone awake I had some guys stand up and act out a passage in the bible. This seemed to really keep people in engaged.
- Its important to continually emphasize what the series is about. This is where I dropped the ball. The discussion was around Defining Moments in a Man’s Life, and we used the concept of “memory stones” from different passages of the bible to help reinforce this thought. I did this at the beginning of the first talk, but only highlighted it afterwards. Different men mentioned the concept as well, but we didn’t do a good job of tying the two together.
- Remember the Holy Spirit is in charge.